Why should DD want to dress more tznius than others?

Ruchel

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 8:02 am

Raisin wrote:

I think be flexible. Don't fight over this. As a kid I never struggled with tznius but my sister did and wanted to wear things we didn't in our house. Socks rather then tights. My parents didn't fight with her over this, and she wore what she wanted. (perfectly tznius but not what my parents would have chosen)

One thing, I was NEVER taught that being tznius was anything to do with men's taavos. It was all about we are princesses, beauty is within, we wrap up a torah, etc etc.

TOTALLY

I don't get this "taavos" thing. It makes people sound pervy. I mean bikini yeah but elbow wth.

Chayalle

Tue, Sep 01 2020, 10:23 am

When I go shopping with my girls, I daven first that Hashem help them find clothes that are tznius and that they feel beautiful in. At certain points in their lives, I also don't look at the price. I find there's a certain age where I can't necessarily find for them in cheaper stores (my 7th grader is at that age now - she needs preteen clothes that are tznius and I can't find those in non-Jewish stores which tend to be cheaper. I can't always buy ahead for her anymore either - her figure is more complicated and she grows more at this age) and I ask Hashem that since I'm shopping L'shem Shomayim he should help me pay for those clothes.

Sometimes we try on a few things and the cheaper outfit just doesn't hang right or look good on her, and she knows I will spend more for her to look nice. This makes her feel that I care about how she feels about her appearance, and it makes her be okay with the tznius clothes we buy (like even if she likes something, if it isn't tznius, we won't buy it, but we will look hard for something that meets all criteria of tznius and her liking it), because she knows I won't go cheap if it doesn't look nice. (My kids know my line - it's all about the FIT! You have to try it on and see how it HANGS! and as someone who sews, I will take it in so it hangs just so...and won't buy it if I know it's not going to work for them.)

I'm actually lucky that B"H we found Y"T clothes for her that were pretty reasonable - the most expensive one was $78, and two were in the $40 range on 50% sale. I remember I spent about $130 for her older sister a few years ago, because we simply didn't find cheaper that year (but I also had nice hand-me-downs for her that she was willing to wear, so it was just the one new dress). But whatever it is, I'm grateful that they are willing to wear tznius clothing. I daven that this continue.

I try to be brief and to the point in any tznius instruction I give, no lectures or speeches. They hear enough in school. I just keep it positive, make time to take them shopping for the clothes they need, and enjoy the time spent together. Chasdei Hashem that I have two grown daughters that dress tznius, I can't thank Hashem enough for this, they are not Rebbetzins but they dress according to our Halacha standards B"H and are refined.

OP, I would advise you to go out on a limb to get your DD the nicest clothes you can manage to find if she is feeling "nebby". And to be honest, this is not my personal advice - I heard this from my DD's high school mechaneches, a very Chashuve and tznius women (Mrs. Kreisworth A"H) who said that is the way to address tznius in this generation. Take her on a shopping trip and make sure to buy clothes that she feels beautiful in and happy to wear.