Fears | Imamother

FranticFrummie

Mon, Dec 07 2020, 5:43 am

Do your best, Hashem will do the rest.

There are a few types of fear.

Fear due to lack of education/information. For example, back in the 80's, nobody wanted to shake anyone's hands because they thought they might get AIDS that way. Ignorance causes fear.

Fear due to phobia. You feel like something might be dangerous, even though there is no logical reason for it. Some scientists think that phobias are an evolutionary hold over. Our brains are hard wired to be frightened of things like poisonous or venomous creatures. This can be overcome with therapy, and some people don't have any phobias at all.

Fear due to previous experience. This is valid, but trauma therapy can help you get it down to a reasonable level.

Fear due to anxiety or panic attacks. Again, therapy (and/or medication) are your best ways of dealing with this. OCD and constant checking fall under this category.

If you have a specific fear of fire, ask yourself where it came from. If you have past trauma, you need to address that. If it's generalized anxiety, try medication.

Make sure your smoke alarm has fresh batteries every 6 months. If it makes you feel better, get one for every room, and one for the hallway. There's no harm in being extra careful. DO resist the urge to check the fire alarms every night. Once a month is fine. You can get a spray that triggers the alarm, and you just spritz a bit near each alarm and it will go off. If the alarm doesn't go off, then take it down and check the battery.

Every home should have a fire escape plan. Go over it with your kids once a month, or if they ask you what to do if they start having fire fears too. Please don't give your kids your anxiety. Everyone needs to be calm and in control.

Identify exit routes, and make a meeting place outside. If there is a second story to your home, buy a chain ladder that you can keep rolled up by the window. I got mine at a marine supply store, the type they use to toss down from the edge of boats.

Do not get relaxed around candles. Every candle should have a sturdy metal tray under it, wide enough to contain it if it falls over. Keep far away from curtains and upholstery. Be sure to have all of your Chanukah candles in a glass box, fish tank, or other secured place away from drafts, and make sure they cannot be knocked over when children are playing.

If you want to be extra safe, you can put an inch of sand in the bottom of your glass box. That way even if a candle gets knocked over, it will put itself out. If using a well sealed fish tank, you can even use damp sand (Chanukah boxes will leak unless you seal them with caulk first.)

If you do all of the above things, and then DAVEN, you will be able to relax, knowing that you've covered all of your bases.

Fear is a gift from Hashem. We have it because there are things in this world that are not safe, and we need to listen to our instincts. When fear becomes a problem, we need to tackle it with information, and turn it back into a survival tool, not a burden.

Ima Piano

Mon, Dec 07 2020, 10:35 pm

FranticFrummie wrote:

Thank you so much!
Its interesting because nothing really traumatic ever happened like a fire. I have woken up once from an extreme smell of a fire I woke.up my parents got dressed put on my jewelry (I was engaged 💍) got ready to leave in seconds it ended up being nothing but I was up all night I even threw up from anxiety.
Since then I have this fear

amother

cornflower

Mon, Dec 07 2020, 11:50 pm

Just an interesting point on trauma. If you have a traumatic experience , there are ways you can potentially avoid ptsd later in specific situations.

For example, If you get in a car crash don't not drive home (if u r able to) because you are scared and have someone drive for you. Even If you are not scared you may be running on adrenaline so drive!

This is because ur body is in experience mode .. so if you finish the story of your experience with... But my body remembers driving again minutes later and being fine... You are less likely to have panic attacks when you get in a car 6 months later cause you r having flash backs of the accident

Tldr: if you Gd forbid get in an accident , purposely drive back in the car minutes after to prevent you from having panic attacks possibly six months later.