Kids fighting | Imamother

amother

Magenta

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:15 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Should it be let's say every time he hurts he has to go to the corner or room or every time something else like one time corner, one time room, one time couch etc?

Whatever you choose but I like consistency because I think the child takes you more seriously when you're consistent. I like sending the child to a different room rather than the couch or corner so they cool off by themselves.

Chayalle

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:18 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Should it be let's say every time he hurts he has to go to the corner or room or every time something else like one time corner, one time room, one time couch etc?

I think consistency is a good idea. If he hurts someone, there's an expected time-out place where he has to go for a certain amount of time, with the understanding that he comes back ready to apologize and refrain from hurting his sister.

I had one child who used her hands a bit more frequently, and I felt it was hard to keep up with the time-outs. I actually found it helpful to role play my expectations with her, with the use of some of her toy mentchies. We had a toy doll we named Raizy, and whenever DD hit someone, she would first put Raizy in time-out (we talked about Raizy using her hands to hurt the other toys, which is not allowed) and then she went to time-out herself.

Somehow this made the concept more concrete for her. She knew that we don't use our hands against other people.

I didn't mean to criticize or make you feel bad, OP, and I apologize if I did. Kids don't come with a manual, and it's not easy. Just that each of your kids should be held accountable for their actions, even if their behavior is normal for their age. This is what chinuch is all about - teaching them so that in the future their interactions with each other are normal. Because while it's normal for a 3 year old to rip her brother's stuff, it's not behavior that we want to allow to continue. And it's normal for your 4-year-old to retaliate, but we want him to gain control over his emotions and actions and not do that in the future.

amother

Magenta

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:41 am

amother [ Amber ] wrote:

I'm with you OP -- sorta.

I don't intervene with my kids when they fight with each other unless they are destroying property or doing something dangerous.

This goes for older kids and also up to a certain extent. Little kids hurting each other's shouldn't be ignored. You shouldn't allow or tolerate younger kids being hurt or tortured by their siblings. It's your job as a parent to take care of it and not ignore it. Older kids I sometimes ignore if they're equally starting up with each others. But if it's the same kid that constantly starts up and picks on their siblings, I won't ignore it, that's not fair to the other kids.

groovy1224

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:49 am

amother [ Mistyrose ] wrote:

No destroying property and hitting is extremely not normal.

I'm happy for you that your kids don't fight, but please chill. Destroying property? We're talking about a 3 year old destroying a magnatile tower, not looting a best buy. Of course it's normal.

amother

Ginger

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 12:17 pm

Yes, it's normal for siblings to fight, but they have to be taught not to. They're not born knowing how to behave, it's your job to teach them. Also, frequent violence is not normal. Hitting is automatic punishment. You can feel what feel, but hurting another is not acceptable. He needs to be removed from the situation immediately and only when he calms down can you talk about feelings, discuss better ways to handle big feelings etc.