Over emotional child

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Forum -> Parenting our children

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smilemore

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:20 pm

My 6 year old gets hurt every time anyone raises their voice to him he gets very fast insulted and hurt. He cries very often and remembers every time he was hurt in the past. Any books to teach such a sensitive child to build a shield and not take everything to heart?

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:27 pm

Please try to not raise your voice. You can be firm but not yell.

amother

Emerald

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:47 pm

Yelling is really damaging to anyone no matter their age. I don't blame him, truthfully.

amother

Violet

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 10:50 pm

smilemore wrote:

I have a child like that. Ironically she is a HUGE yeller.

She is a very impulsive sensory kid. So loud noises are disturbing. She's also sensitive to smells, tight hugs, wet kisses.
Could it be that it hurts him physically (sensory) rather than emotionally?

amother

Olive

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:08 pm

I started reading this book. Its been insightful.
https://www.amazon.com/Highly-.....08724

smilemore

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:12 pm

Thank you. I'm not talking about yelling at all! Just little firm and he said it sounds like your upset at me

smilemore

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:15 pm

amother [ Violet ] wrote:

He is a sensory kid . So how do you teach him to handle it. Live is always going to be noisy gotta get him used to it

smilemore

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:16 pm

He also gets real insulted when other kids are a bit tougher. He's real gentle and not everyone is I don't want him to be hurt so often

smilemore

Mon, Dec 28 2020, 11:20 pm

amother [ Olive ] wrote:

I started reading this book. Its been insightful.
https://www.amazon.com/Highly-.....08724

Is this physical sensory or emotional?

PeanutMama

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 3:30 am

lol that describes me as a child to the T!!

I’m kinda still sensitive but I don’t get worked up as I used to as a child.
Life taught me that just because you’re nice, it doesn’t mean everyone’s gonna automatically be nice to you. Saddest hardest lesson I’ve ever had. Still learning though.

I don’t know how to get jokes.
I cry easily, but again not as easily as I did as a child. Sure I blush furiously and turn away...especially when someone raises their voice at me for a mistake I did.

It’ll take time to build thick skin I guess all you can do is validate their feelings and tell them life is not meant to be easy and not everyone is nice. Some people are just born angry and insensitive and mean

My mother told me this time to time. But life experiences made me more...resilient? Not sure what the word is.

LovesHashem

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 4:57 am

You can teach him to be resilient more but still cater to his needs. No, not everyone can just "get used to it" and if you brush off the pain the child is going through that will damage them.

Everyone has different needs - you can teach your child how to cope with it and also you can try to give in to that. Your child is communicating to you that it hurts, that's a good thing. If you brush off the feelings and just say "Deal with it" your child will likely NOT deal with it or learn how to cope and rather just stop telling you when they are in pain and suppress their feelings.

amother

Olive

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 7:12 am

smilemore wrote:

Is this physical sensory or emotional?

emotional, but its all about the method on how you act to them. Most highly sensitive children are also sensitive to touch, and can't be hyper stimulated. I didn't finish reading it. Deserted it for a novel.. also how to deal with a highly sensitive child when your'e a highly sensitive person and how the different personalities in the families effect the sensitive child.

smilemore

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 8:36 am

LovesHashem wrote:

Absolutely I guess I worded it wrong. I don't want him to get used to and lose his personality I think it's an amazing thing to be sensitive he will make a great husband one day. But for his sake not everyone out there is nice and some ppl are really mean I want to teach him that what this ok say shouldn't effect his self image and shouldn't bother him

mommy3b2c

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 8:45 am

smilemore wrote:

I’m not sure what you can do, but speak to the proper professionals and figure out a plan or he will turn into an adult with the same issue. I speak from experience. If only someone had taught me the skills as a child. It’s so much harder to change as an adult. But definitely start with empathy. The more he feels that you care, the more he will be able to internalize how to care for himself and move on.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Dec 29 2020, 9:59 am

Obviously, you know that you can't deal with it when he's upset. Then, you just have to offer sympathy and caring. Afterwards, when he's calm, I think what worked for my kids is to normalize it and work to take away some of the sting.

Like sometimes it seems to them this huge thing that ONLY happens to them and they feel victimized. But when you explain that it happens to everyone, it takes away some of the sting. Its not only me.

Or you explain that some people are different and they yell or just use angry voices. But it isn't because of you its just how they talk. So it takes away a little sting. It wasn't my fault and their behavior might be unpleasant for me but its their responsibility.

Or you can explain that sometimes you got caught in someone having a bad day and they let it out on you. Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes we have to let it go.

You can teach what a friend is and that there are some people who you can play with, but they aren't a good friend, so you can manage expectations. Like when you play, its just for now. It doesn't mean more than that and you can't count on him for next time.

Some kids you just have to explain how the world works and in that way it minimizes the impact of figuring it all out by experience.

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