PSA regarding tops

amother

Gold

Tue, May 25 2021, 12:41 am

I'm nursing all day every day. It's hard enough to make sure I've tucked everything back in! I wear stretchy sports bras because things with clips and hooks take much more time when you're trying to discreetly nurse your baby who realized she is utterly starving because it's been 14 minutes past her latest snack.

So yes, you may have seen my nipples occasionally. So sorry. But padded bras, nipple camo, and breast shields just are not going to fly. (I'm the one whose breast shield fell out of her bra and stuck to her skirt. I think that's MUCH worse than the occasional subtle nipple outline.)

I love you all, and I love dignity and classiness and social standing, but not at the expense of sanity. I try to keep my shirts from being too tight, and I almost always tuck myself back in after nursing (I'll catch you while you faint from that one), but if you make nursing more complicated I'll have hungry babies.

Still, who knows? Maybe when I'm a bubby I'll turn into a short-skirted padded-bra-rocking fully-made-up lady. But more likely I'll be the one whose silicone nipple shield slips horrifyingly to the floor as I walk up to the stage to accept my Woman of the Year award.

amother

Scarlet

Tue, May 25 2021, 4:25 am

Didn’t bother to read past the first few pages but wanted to add my 2 cents.
Most people aren’t looking in the mirror every morning and saying “my nipples are popping out, great!” They’re looking in the mirror and trying to push them back in and hoping they stop popping out quickly. Most people who are saying they can’t be bothered with nipple shields are not saying they don’t care at all, it’s just too much of a hassle to go through for something that is usually it an issue.
Another thing, often there’s more of an issue when people are wearing tight clothing. If someone is wearing a bra (whatever kind) and a looser shirt, their nipples aren’t popping out too much.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 25 2021, 6:24 am

I have always had to wear a padded bra bc I have protruding nipples. I am lucky (?) that I’m a small cup size so the padding is actually a help anyway.
I even need a padded bathing suit.
I hate wearing bras. It’s literally the first thing I unclip when I get home.
However, I never ever thought of it as body shaming. I thought it was a fashion issue. Protruding nipples seem to give off a certain message. The type that will get a vulgar male to whistle at you. And that’s something I would want to avoid.
But I guess you are right! I should be comfortable with my body the way it is!!! I dont know. Its easy for me to say bc I’m a small size and its not that hard to cover. Sigh. It is. The same way wearing bras is hard.

I actually have never seen frum women with protruding nipples showing through their shirts. So maybe my issue is pretty unique and those of you self conscious don’t realize how extremely protruding nipples can be. ( outside of nursing/ pregnant moms) and this PSA is not to you...but for me. Who is aware of it. Occasionally will go out sans bra when the weather allows a sweatshirt/ jacket to cover.

I really never saw it as body shaming. It is what it is. I cover my elbows too. So it is a tznius thing. But I feel its self protective. I dont want lewd comments re my nipples.
And I’m not talking about from frum people.

Getting off my ramble

ETA. Maybe its like shaving my legs. I cant stand it. But I’m hairy. And the done thing is to shave. Do I wish I lived in a society where shaving wasn’t done and we were free to leave the hair? Sure. I shave minimally, wear thick socks and long skirts as often as possible. I dont shave often but will shave when I wear nude stockings ... ( mostly..). So it is what it is.
Is it shameful to have hairy legs? Not objectively. But apparently our frum community thinks so. So I do what I have to do.
Same with covering my nipples.
And I repeat Ive never seen it as an issue on anyone else.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 25 2021, 6:46 am

I will also add for those saying that padded bras dont help. That theres different types of padded bras and I’m talking about the real deal. I only wear thick padded brasThat all I ask for in the store.
I’m really sorry for those whose sizes cant allow for that extra pad. I guess I’m lucky I’m small.
I find the padded bras way easier than sticking in the /inserts/pads. But I haven’t tried in 20 yrs or so.

singleagain

Tue, May 25 2021, 7:12 am

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

Protruding nipples seem to give off a certain message. The type that will get a vulgar male to whistle at you. And that’s something I would want to avoid.

A vulgar male will whistle even if you can't see anything. Let's not put the onus of men's vulgarity on women. Make the men take responsibility for themselves.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 25 2021, 7:27 am

singleagain wrote:

A vulgar male will whistle even if you can't see anything. Let's not put the onus of men's vulgarity on women. Make the men take responsibility for themselves.

Oh come on!
I’m all for making men take responsibility... but I dont want to be whistled at. Never have liked it. I grew up in a low class neighborhood. Its a self protective instinct. I m very pro women . But that reasoning doesnt work for me. - off topic.

singleagain

Tue, May 25 2021, 7:34 am

amother [ Vermilion ] wrote:

All I'm saying is that even women who are perfectly covered up have been whistled at or had uncomfortable encounters with vulgar men. Don't fool yourself into thinking that if I only do this the men will stop. You can do everything right and still be in a situation you don't want to be in. And that's not your fault it's the fault of the guy who put you there.

amother

Vermilion

Tue, May 25 2021, 7:50 am

singleagain wrote:

That’s true.

But I do take responsibility for what I can. And whats in the realm of normal. I dont stay in the tent.
And I’ll get tomatoes thrown for this comparison but here goes.
If I walk by a lonely , hungry dog he may bark.
If I’m holding a dog bone that dog may lunge.
So I dont walk by a hungry, lonely dog with a sizzling steak. Thats on me.
Watch out for ketchup!