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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Guests
amother
OP
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:26 pm
My friend and neighbor is making an arufruf.
My husband and I were invited.
My husband can't walk so he won't be able to go.
I want to go because they are good friends but all my friends will have their husband's with them but me.
Would it be weird if I go? I would feel like a third wheel needing to hear kiddush and sitting with my friends and husbands but I never get to go anywhere .
I don't believe it will be separate seating which would be easier.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:29 pm
Definitely go. They're good friends. Politically speaking, if only one spouse can go to a friend's simcha, it looks good/is friendly for them to go as the 'representative' of their family.
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amother
Navy
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:40 pm
Yes I’ve gone myself to things when dh had health issues. It’s totally fine if he’s fine with it.
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amother
Oleander
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:41 pm
I've done it many times. Some situations are more comfortable than others. What I learned to do is to pick one friend who I know would be understanding and tell her ahead of time "I really want to join the simcha but I'm afraid I'll feel uncomfortable. Can I ask that your husband will make kiddush for me?"
I feel more comfortable when it's all arranged ahead of time and usually because I put her on alert she'll look out for me and make sure I'm ok. I hate feeling like a nebech who has to be taken care of, but I hate it more when I'm the third wheel who is pretty much ignored. And I really hate staying home every single shabbos and not getting to join our friends simchas.
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BrisketBoss
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:43 pm
I would prob make kiddush for myself in that situation. I actually enjoy having an opportunity to say kiddush, and I doubt it would make anyone uncomfortable to notice me muttering it to myself.
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amother
Brown
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:46 pm
I've gone without DH and DH has gone without me, for various different reasons.
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amother
Dill
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:51 pm
Another option is to make kiddush for yourself. But I totally agree with letting a friend know in advance that you'll be there solo, so it won't be awkward finding a place to sit and so on.
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amother
Acacia
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 3:53 pm
Is it a Kiddush and a Seuda?
I've never been in this exact situation but my husband often goes to Bar Mitzvah's/ Aufrufs without me but will just stay for the Kiddush and then come back.
At most Simchas I've been to the Baal Simcha says Kiddush aloud, isn't that the norm?
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zaq
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:08 pm
Totally, if the parents were good friends of mine and/or if I expected to meet lots of my own friends. Not if dh is my only connection to the family and I wouldn't know anyone else there.
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tree of life
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:17 pm
Any chance a non jew could wheel your husband in a wheelchair so you both can be there
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amother
Mimosa
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 4:21 pm
Absolutely yes. I have gone alone many times. Not sure if I prefer alone or with him-they both have pluses and minuses.
I find that sometimes the women hang out or if it is 2-3 couples and you it is less uncomfortable than one couple with you.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:17 pm
Thank you all for your replies.
I just dont want to look like a nebach but I would like to socialize some.
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imasinger
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:19 pm
You won't look like a nebbuch.Go!
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SixOfWands
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 5:23 pm
amother [ OP ] wrote: | Thank you all for your replies.
I just dont want to look like a nebach but I would like to socialize some. |
GO!
There have been times when my husband couldn't make it to things, and I felt strange going without him. I never regretted going. Your friends will be thrilled to see you; I doubt they'll be epoxied to their spouses.
Refuah shleima to your DH. May he be healthy to go with you in the future.
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chocolate moose
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Mon, Dec 20 2021, 8:28 pm
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