I didn't do an important mitzvah... :(

TzenaRena

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 11:15 am

CM, point well taken. although I think we all have manifold things we are busy with up till licht bentchen, it's worthwhile to see what we can streamline. An extra kugel or side dish that most people are going to be too full to eat anyway is not worth it!

amother

Mon, Mar 17 2008, 11:32 am

This is the OP. Thank you everyone who has shared so far. You cannot imagine how helpful this has been to me! I plan to speak to a rav, but no matter what happens, I feel so much better now, knowing that I am indeed not alone! Your stories have been really terrific to hear, just that we are so human and we do make mistakes - it helps to be reminded. I think how we handle this kind of thing can also be a powerful lesson for our children, so I am trying to bring out the good in it.

To Mama Bear, my husband goes to shul about half an hour before lichtbenchen.

To Chocolate Moose, I am a very simple person as far as Shabbos food and preparations. This was an unusual occurrence for me! I'm generally not even racing to finish before lighting. I'm almost always ready early. But for some people, I'm sure it would be wise to make less food, etc., if cooking until the last minute means they might forget to light.

I would love to hear more stories. And the poll is fascinating.... half of you have not lit at one time or another. Wow. And kol hakavod to those whose "winning streaks" have never been broken, and may you go from strength to strength!

amother

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 2:31 am

OP here with an update Very Happy

I spoke to Rav Shusterman (CA) and when I had only said that I was getting ready to light, helped my daughters light, then got distracted by the burning pot, my daughter's need -- he immediately said, "You don't have to light an extra candle." Obviously he knew where the question was heading! And apparently the answer had nothing to do (at least in my case) with the fact that I had helped my daughters light. The only consideration was that I had prepared to light and intended to light. In his words, "You didn't forget to light."

so there you have it...

grin

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 2:40 am

amother wrote:

OP here with an update Very Happy

wow - wonderful - just goes to show you how important it is to ask.
(and also that it seems the Q comes up often.)

amother

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 3:17 am

OP here, second guessing myself.... Rolling Eyes

So now I'm thinking, you know, he answered so fast I never got to tell him that I didn't realize that I didn't light until my husband came home from shul and pointed it out to me... it's not just that I was delayed by circumstances and missed the time to light. So did I forget or not? Although he said it was because I prepared to light & planned to light... but still. Maybe I will call tomorrow to clarify!! Or is the psak the psak and if he needed more info he would have asked? What

grin

Thu, Mar 20 2008, 3:23 am

amother wrote:

Or is the psak the psak and if he needed more info he would have asked? What

yes.
stop knocking yourself - leave that to Amalek.
you don't need to light an extra one and that's that.

RachelB

Tue, Apr 15 2008, 1:46 am

How is this: I could not remember if I lit or not !
We were invited out for a night meal on Succos ( we never go at night with the kids,but we couldn't refuse this one)-I got the kids ready, my baby (4 week old) ready,myself ready and off we went. We came home very late and as soon as we walked in I asked DH if he remembers me lighting the candles.
He said no. We asked our Rav and I was told to lite an extra candle (until the next baby comes LOL

, B"H)

To Liora - you don't have to lite in the hospital. My DH lit when I stayed in the hospital on Shabbos after delivery. We were not given the option.

LisaS

Tue, Apr 15 2008, 2:36 am

It happened to us shortly after we made aliya that we got a fridge maget with zmanim on it. Before we got the magnet my husband always checked the time on the internet but that week he checked it on the magnet and told me when to light. He went to shul, I finished helping the kids, and was going to light when my husband ran in and said - Dont Light!!! we made a mistake. On the magnet he had accidentally thought the time for candle lighting was really the shkia time. So he got to shul and saw they were up to kabbalat shabbat and realized his mistake. We didn't have Shabbat candles that week. It was such an empty feeling.

But like the other women said we are all human and you are not alone in this happening.