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Working mom woes- no debates please.



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amother  


 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2005, 9:26 pm
I really need a shoulder to cry on. I work full time, really full time, and I don't get home until 7:20pm every night. My 6 month old son goes to sleep between 7:30 and 8pm. I spend 30 minutes in the morning with him and if I'm lucky 30 minutes in the evening. I make great money where I work, and as it is we are living beyond our means and are steadily losing $500 a month. Money isn't everything, and I really want to work somewhere else, where I can't work less hours and be home by 5 or 6. It would make such a difference in my life, and I'm sure my son's, too. However my husband says we really need the money and I can't work anywhere else. (If I work somewhere else, not only will we lose the money I'm making from working the extra hours, but I'm sure I will make at least $5 less an hour.) Yet he's the one that won't give up the expensive cell phone, that insists that we run central air from the second he gets home, that buys gadgets for the car all the time... I'm so unhappy, I came home crying tonight. They've been talking about promoting me at work, which means even more money, but I can't take it anymore. If I wait until January, I'm almost positive I can work an hour less and be home by 6:15. I can't rationalize waiting that long, but if I leave, my husband will be so resentful. I don't know what to do. Thanks for letting me rant.
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stem  




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 19 2005, 10:08 pm
amother, I feel sorry for you. You are between a rock and a hard place. Does your husband have a person that he would listen to, like a brother, uncle, friend? Sometimes it's hard to convice a man that you are saying something that truly makes sense while you are crying. Maybe sit down at a later time when your emotions have subsided, and write him a clear list of why it is very neccessary to switch/leave jobs. One of the main reasons is that you simply are not coping with this lifestyle. Tell him that you will discuss this with him at a specific time so that he has time to review the list and prepare himself to listen and think of alternative solutions. Make sure you are very attentive and respectful to his point a view too.
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roza  




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 12:19 am
that's hard...
what time do you leave from home in the morning?
I would still be looking for other jobs with same pay and better schedule. you never know what might be offered. don't take all the responsibility for parnasa, and now that the baby is your first responsibility. you definitely need to find something with less hours. you can always work more hours later when the baby will be older.
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sarahd




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 4:41 am
I second stem's suggestion of writing your husband. It's generally a good idea to write rather than confront. You can think through your problem, write it down clearly and rationally, offer some ideas for solutions and ask for your husband's input. (Be careful not to attack him personally, of course.)
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Pearl




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 7:42 am
I feel for you, amother, that really is a tough situation.
stem's suggestion is a good one, or maybe talk to your rav, who can talk to your husband?
does your husband work?

you can pm me if you like. I too work full time (though it seems a bit less hours than you..) and went back to work when baby was nearly 5 months.
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  roza




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 11:33 am
Just an idea- may be we can have 'Working Mothers" forum here on Imamother- for support and coping tips.
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ElTam




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 12:32 pm
There is a great book called the complete Tightwad Gazette. The author is a xtian, so you need to ignore some of the stuff but she has great ideas on living well with less. She also has good ideas when one partner in a marriage wants to spend.

I wish you much chizuk and hatzlacha. If you want to PM me, I can talk to you more about the changes we've made in our lives. We make do with a lot less gashmius but are so much more happy.
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  stem




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 12:50 pm
ElTam, why not post your ideas about cutting spending. I would be interested in hearing them too!
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613  




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 1:40 pm
oy, amother, I really feel for you. I don't think it's fair for your husband to expect to you be a competent mommy and work full-time. does your husband work? maybe he could start putting in some extra hours? is there any way the place you work for now would let you cut back on some hours?
it sounds like you want to be a mommy, but 40 minutes a day with your baby is not the type of mommy you want to be!
hatzlacha!
p.s. elTam, I'm interested, too. once upon a time we had a money saving thread on here.... but I'm too lazy to do the search now
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  amother  


 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 2:24 pm
I leave about 9am, and he wakes up 8, so I get about 1.5 hours a day with him. My husband already comes home most nights after he is asleep. It's not fair to ask him to put in more hours working. I barely see my child, he shouldn't see him at all?
Today my husband woke me up and was very nice, telling me he's sorry it's so hard, but if I could just tough it out until January it will be easier.
Oyy I think before I make any move I am going to sit down with my boss and see if I can work out something better.

Roza- I think your idea for a working mother's forum is great!
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  613




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Sep 20 2005, 2:32 pm
amother wrote:
Roza- I think your idea for a working mother's forum is great!

I agree- boy, do I have a lot to vent about!!!
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raizy  




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 26 2005, 12:37 am
I second the idea!!!!
I work from 9:00 every day till 2:45 p.m the minete the last 2 babies leave my two kids arrive home I dont have a moment peace . from morning till nightfall. even if I sit and rest on the couch it is only for a few seconds bc this one want this and that one need that. the only way to get real rest is to run away to the park with all my kids in the afternoon and they are happily playing in the sand right next to me. where I get to sit on a bench .

let strat a working mothers forum .

and I am sick of pple telling me how lucky I am bc I work from home.. I never get any time for my self and I dont even have time to go shopping like a normal person I usally am running from one store to the next at night. trying to catch it all in.... like a chicken without a head...

and to top it off my baby is strating to catch up to the idea that I am shared with the other 4 babies all day. he things that I am his for his own pleasure and playing and no one elses...
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  raizy




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 26 2005, 12:44 am
and if I hear one more time that since I work from home I can go and take a nap . ill scream .. a NAP with 5 kids under the age of 16 months .. are they crazy or what..... I am lucky if I even get to eat breakfast or lunch... some days I get my first coffee at 3:00 oclock.
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nicole81




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Sep 26 2005, 12:50 am
raizy- before I came back from maternity leave, my boss offered me the opportunity to do some work from home. now I'm talking some really minor stuff. but between running errands, taking care of my daughter, putting food on the table, and studying for school, I couldn't get a thing done unless I gave up sleep at night (the little that I got anyhow.) I would never be able to work from home, it's way too exhausting for me. I really admire people who can do it though. I agree it can be a lot harder than working outside the house.
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  amother


 

Post Mon, Sep 26 2005, 3:56 pm
Thank you everyone for you advice. It really helped me think things through and discuss everything with my husband. I just wanted to update that things are going better for us B"H. My husband got a small raise and I have been able to reduce my work by a couple of hours a week. I also got some good news that might help lessen our financial burden next year and even though my situation isn't great, it's really helping me keep a positive outlook and pull forward here.
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chen




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 30 2005, 1:28 am
amother, that's really good news. hope it all works out.
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Rivka




 
 
    
 

Post Sun, Oct 30 2005, 8:21 am
Nice to hear Amother you managed to sort something out, even if it wasn't as major a change as you would like, any little thing helps.
I don't work as long as you do and I seriously do not know how you cope.
I find it hard coming home at 6pm and I start at 1pm, but at least I get the morning with my son, even if it's just to clean, feed and clothe.
Anyway I agree that there should be a working mothers topic.
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BinahYeteirah




 
 
    
 

Post Mon, Nov 14 2005, 11:39 pm
How are you now, amother?
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avigayil




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 15 2005, 10:49 pm
Raizy,


Someone actually TOLD YOU to nap because you 'work at home'? shock

There are people (MEN) who think women who work at home are like eating bon bons all darn day. The fact you haven't strangled anyone yet is commendable.

Also, Amother, I hope you are doing better.
Try following the given suggestions about coming up with a budget plan. Dh and I have weekly meetings and it helps a lot.
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Mommamia




 
 
    
 

Post Tue, Nov 22 2005, 1:13 am
thats good, im glad you have less hours now, so you and your baby can spend more time he needs his mommy:)
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