How should I handle this

amother

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:07 am

My 12 yr old DS and his principal clash.
My son has ADHD and is having a hard time sitting in class and disturbed the class so is always being sent to the principal. They recently changed his class and he is much better. The principal for some reason does not like him and on so many occasions will tell him that he is a bad influence on his class. It was one time when the principal was the sub and in front of the whole class said to him that he does not care about religion because he was reading in class. There was another time when a few of his friends went out to play in the snow when he wasn't allowed and when they came back the principal said to everyone that they should not follow my son because he's a bad influence.
Last night I listened to my phone messages and I hear that there is a voicemail from the principal saying that my son is violent and can come back to yeshiva tomorrow. I asked my son what happened and he said that he and another friend were playfighting and the friend pushed him into the garbage can and hurt his finger so my son hit him and his glasses fell off and broke. The boy went to the principal to tell him what happened that is when he threw out my son from class he couldn't go back and the principal called me and said that he can come back to class until Thursday.
What do you think that I should do? I'm sure that my son was down playing it and it was a little more violent than he said but is it right that a principle just left a voicemail didn't even speak to me and in person and said that he cant come back until Thursday. I have work and what should I do I feel like giving the principal a bill and saying this is what I lost because I couldn't work today.
Is the principal correct to handle it this way?

amother

Maple

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:16 am

You son was violent he can’t push anyone ever. This incident doesn’t prove anything about him not liking him. Don’t fight them on this incident and have a major talk with your son about proper reactions. For long term maybe switch him to another school where he doesn’t have to hear negative comments from the principal.

amother

Jean

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:18 am

The principal is absolutely wrong to put your son down on multiple occasions. I would be very disturbed and possibly switch schools, this can be very damaging. That being said, he is absolutely allowed to have your son suspended for a physical altercation. I hope you use this time to work with your son through the issues which lead to such behaviors.
I'm sure if someone bit your son you'd hope they would take it seriously...

amother

Daffodil

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:25 am

Yep. Take the violence seriously. I tell my ds that in adult life, even if he's not the aggressor and the other person is wrong and even malicious, the minute he gets violent, he'll be the one they call the cops on.

And yes, if possible, get him out of the school. I don't know where you live, but think ahead to where you want him for high school and try to move him to a school (or that school, if you can) that can position him well. I kept a kid in a school with a principal that didn't like or believe in them, because overall the school seemed like the best match. It's not worth it. A principal can make or break their experience and their self esteem, and can be a major barrier to, if not actively blocking, acceptance to the next level of schooling.

amother

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 8:51 am

imasinger wrote:

How aware is this school about the current thinking and practice in handling challenging kids? Not very, it seems.

And what are you currently doing to help DS, in the way of meds, therapy, social skills?

Funny but the principal has ADHD himself.
My son is on meds. He keeps them by the nurse and takes them when he gets to school after breakfast but yesterday the nurse wasn't there and the door was locked so he didn't take it.
We are in the process of getting approved for services but the school is dragging their feet with filling out forms and is delaying the process.
Off the record my son's rebbi told me several people have issues with this principal.

imasinger

Wed, Jul 13 2022, 9:21 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

This is unacceptable. How dare they blame him, when they made it impossible for him to succeed?!

I'd either recommend charging in with guns blazing, or talking to his doctor about taking something long acting before he leaves for school. Stimulants take a while to ramp up anyway, so it might help his day be more productive.