Sholshim meal | Imamother

smile1818

Tue, Jul 19 2022, 10:43 pm

Making a meal and siyum in the house for my MILs sholshim. House is not big. Who do you invite? Do you invite just the men because you need them for the minyan and siyum? What do you serve? Are small kids supposed to be there?
How does it work in the summer because nightfall is so late? Does the meal only start at 9:30pm

Ema of 5

Wed, Jul 20 2022, 7:31 am

smile1818 wrote:

For my fathers shloshim, it was my siblings and their spouses, cousins and spouses who lived locally, and maybe my aunt and uncle (from the other side) because they happened to be there are the time. Oh also any of my nieces and nephews (over bar/bat mitzvah) who my siblings wanted to fly in. I think it was just two married couples and a single nephew. The meal is anything you want. Put out rolls for washing, then have an appetizer (we had salad) and a main. The main was meat or chicken, roasted vegetables, some kind of kugel something or other….and dessert if you want.
I don’t know where you live, but where I am shkia is 8:20 today. You can ask your rabbi how it works with washing and timing.
Hatzlacha, and I’m sorry for your loss :-(

questionanswer

Wed, Jul 20 2022, 7:34 am

Cherry Blossom wrote:

Many people only invite immediate family members and often only men. No need for children to be there.

A yortzeit meal is usually a bit bigger.

A meal will be as big as you have room for.

How many people WANT to be at this seuda for their healing? That is, they were close to the niftar. Try to make sure there is room for them.

At that point are you still a massive crowd or do you barely have a minyan?

Kids at an event like this is based on family style. However, if there is no space, the first thing you cut is kids. Once you do that, most families will automatically keep one parent them. Only if both parents feel a real need to be there are they going to bother with a babysitter.

questionanswer

Wed, Jul 20 2022, 7:59 am

Op, I am sorry for your loss. The neshama should have an aliya.

Below is my basic yortzeit/siyum menu. I pick one item in each category. I'm not too adventurous.

Menu

On table
Rolls
Pickles
Cole slaw
Drinks
Plated salad

Optional - hot appetizer course
Knish w sauce/meatbslls/ anything on a skewer w a sauce

Main
-Apricot chicken/grilled chicken/stuffed chicken/ roast
-Roasted veggies/string beans
-potato kugel/apple kugel in ramekin/rice/orzo

You can also pick other starches and put potato kugel on the table as an extra

Dessert
Whatever you want. You can put out cake by itself or in addition

I usually serve ce cream in small clear plastic bowls (I find this takes a while to plate). Sometimes I make ice cream pies - a bit easier to serve.