Not confident enough to host

amother

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 11:14 pm

In general I’m a pretty confident person. When it comes to hosting people for a meal I get so nervous about the food! I have no problem with the socializing part. Just the whole food situation. What to make? How much? Will it be warm? Will it turn out? And then juggling the being present and shmoozing while being so busy in the kitchen during the meal.

Am I the only one?

I’m such a nerd lol

amother

Catmint

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 11:18 pm

I hate hosting. I have huge food issues though like with self esteem of cooking good enough food. My food is all delicious, I always make enough but it totally drains me and takes huge amounts of mental stress

amother

Razzmatazz

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 11:22 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

1000% me and my husband says we owe people back but it's emotional so stressful for me

Aurora

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 11:44 pm

I feel the same way. And I'm not a very good cook either.

I guess I just hope that my friends and guests are willing to tolerate clutter & boring food and enjoy the company. Because I'd rather have company over than sit at home just us all the time.

BrisketBoss

Thu, Jul 28 2022, 11:47 pm

Yeah, that and my messy house. I hope people give me as much grace as I give them because, I notice when maybe the food seems cheaper or not as many kinds of food as we like but I'm still just happy to be there.

amother

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 12:28 am

Thanks for the validation guys.

I’m a pretty good cook as well but just get so in my head and stressed about it. I wish I could just chill out. Also, I find that the standards are just too high. Often when we eat out, the hostess is serving an insane gourmet meal. It’s one thing to cook well and another to make a feast. I wish I didn’t feel the pressure and could just do my own thing and be content.

amother

Jade

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 12:55 am

I used to be like this, but I find the more I host, the less of a big deal it is. But I almost never get hosted so maybe I don’t have what to compare myself to, and I’m not doing as well as I think 🤔
Try to host people who you enjoy hosting and won’t make you feel judged.

TravelHearter

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 12:56 am

We host all the time BH. I hear you. I definitely make less food when it’s only us. I usually have challah, 2 dips (store bought), fish, soup, chicken, a veg dish, and sweet dish, a carb dish, and desert. I also usually have at least two of the above frozen in bulk, so it’s not as hard. Socializing wise- I find that women like to come to the kitchen to help serve so it’s totally fine. My kitchen is also right near my dining room so I can chime in technically (we live in an apt). But either way DH is leading the convo at the table so it’s fine.

amother

Burgundy

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:34 am

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

Same! It takes practice! You’ll get better and better at it! When I was newly wed, I would’ve never imagined that I’d be cooking and hosting BOTH shabbos meals!!

strawberry cola

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:50 am

I think simplifying by reducing the number of home=cooked dishes and serving a few good things you cook well is key. It's the stressing yourself by fussing with six salads, three desserts and complicated sides that can make the whole thing seem overwhelming. If you want to do the mitzvah, don't look at what other people do. No one cares about the so-called upgrades- that pressure , I would think, is our yetzer hara, trying to diminish our joy in the mitzvah. Start small and manageable- one or two guests who dont make you feel intimidated. A dessert of watermelon and/or a scoop of store-bought vanilla ice cream, drizzled with chocolate syrup is a dessert everyone likes!=

amother

NeonPink

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 7:39 am

I feel very overworked when I have guests. Why do I need all the extra work? I don’t really enjoy having to impress people with my meal, state of my house and good conversation. My husband enjoys having people to talk with but he doesn’t like to help so it all falls on me. I dread the weeks I have to cook for impress.

BatZion

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 7:50 am

I don't like hosting either.
I get nervous about the food, about keeping the conversation flowing, everything.
I'm not sure I care because my husband is the same. Once in a while, when we really like a family, we'll invite them. I've come to accept that it's a huge stress for me, and that's okay.
I'd probably be happy to never host, tbh but feel that it's important for our kids, too so we make the effort once in a while. Like I said- with people we really like and feel comfortable with.

amother

Mintgreen

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 7:57 am

I find it stressful that I feel like I have to make some kind of red meat. We rarely eat red meat besides hamburgers (partly cost, partly DH doesn't like it and I don't care, so I'm not experienced in buying or making dishes with it). Whenever we go somewhere for a meal, even for lunch, unless they're vegetarian, they always have chicken *and meat, which I think is unnecessary. I like making dairy meals for that reason when I can get away with it, but that's tricky because there's often a meat kiddush at shul. Also my house is a mess and we haven't hosted in ages Hiding