Who will they marry?

amother

Tue, Jan 10 2023, 10:39 am

One of my ASD kids is very rigid and has poor social skills, easilu angered, says things as they are, does not understand how or why things are offensive...the list goes on. He's been in therapy for years but there is very little change if any. He's brain is literally wired differently - I don't see how he could ever be in a relationship. He doesn't have any real friends either.
In terms of statistics I have a high chance of my future children being on the spectrum. As I contemplate growing my family and the risk of having yet another ND child, the future weighs heavy on me. I may be able to care for them as children but u do not think I have the ability to care for a bunch of them forever. Even the thought of it makes me want to jump off a roof.

amother

Maple

Tue, Jan 10 2023, 11:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Word for word this is my 17 year old. My son plateaued. He no longer makes gains in social skills, motor skills, articulation/speech etc With lots of tutoring and some accommodations , he is an average student though which I am thankful for. My biggest problem is the rigidity, lack of social awareness, inability to have a friend (never had one) let alone a spouse, and his temper is horrible.

We still try to help him, of course, but at this point it causes more frustration than anything. It's hard to be hopeful sometimes. My husband works himself beyond what is healthy because we save and save what we can, not knowing the future. My teen yells, "why do you act like we're poor" (when I don't buy him whatever he wants) and I really would love to show him all the bills related to helping him for the last 16 years.

amother

Mocha

Tue, Jan 10 2023, 2:03 pm

amother Cyclamen wrote:

I have two children close in age on the spectrum. Very high functioning however as children extremely challenging.
They both got engaged and married within 6 months of each other.
Miracles.
Each to spouses without an official diagnosis, but exhibiting some minor social quirks and just a bit different.

I will say my children received tonz of help over the years, are medicated for particular issues but are spectacular if not quite quirky people.
I cried bitter tears over them and could not have imagined either of them would marry.
Hashem has his ways and all we can and need to do is pray our hearts out and never give up trying to help our children. The greatest challenge I found was working endlessly to get them the right kind of help without them feeling they needed to be fixed.

At what point in the dating did you share that they were taking medication?