How do you raise normal boys?

amother

Bone

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 12:35 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

Op I am expecting an apology, I live in Lakewood and raised the finest boys keh. I think its stupid to assume that your difficult children have anything to do with the town they live in.

let OP deal with her kid and stop worrying about your apology. LOL

I have 7 boys(all ages, a couple are married), all raised in Lakewood! Most of them are ADHD and have done a lot of very imaginative and creative trouble. Not one of them urinated on a bed or smash cereal boxes under a bus. That's next level!
Time to figure out what's wrong with your child.
(No offense to all the Lakewood mommies but I do find there's more chutzpa here!)

amother

Brown

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 7:35 am

Op, having boys after already parenting girls can be a bit of a " culture shock" especially for moms. Yes plenty girls have discipline issues but it's way more common & tends to look different in boys. This is definitely not location specific.

I'll disagree with others here that your son's behavior is a huge red flag. A bit of a red flag, yes but really little boys love to pish on things since the beginning of time ( well at least since I remember as a kid 😀) . Did he aim at the girls or on the bed & it splashed over? Yes 5 is way too old for this so yes of course you need some big changes but no need to panic just yet.

Do you give your kids plenty of space to just be without trying to discipline everything? My boys are very spirited (love this adjective!) But kind & respectful at the same time.

watergirl

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:17 am

LO wrote:

Just a few days ago, he decided to urinate on his bunk bed while two friends (girls) were sitting there, getting them wet as well. He just thought it would be funny....Now I am hearing that he isn't behaving in his carpool for school. Sad

He apparently spit at some kid, not sure what else is doing. I left a message for that mother to find out how bad it is, but haven't spoken to her yet.

I wanted to comment on the peeing incident. Your son was in his room, no adult present, with a few little girls who are not siblings or cousins. This clearly can not happen again. I don't know much about Lakewood, and as other said, this really is not a Lakewood issue but a child rearing issue - but is it appropriate at any age for little boys and little girls to play unattended in a bedroom? I never allowed that and I don't know anyone who does. Is this done in Lakewood? If so, that's surprising to me. I bring in Lakewood here because OP clearly thinks this is a location specific issue.

OP, consequences for kids (not punishments) need to be middah k'neged middah. Taking away a screen has nothing to do with abusing the privilege of being able to play with friends. The playdate should have ended immediately, and your son should have lost the privilege to have a playdate for a week or so, and every time he asked to play, you'd remind him that he did this thing, this thing was wrong, re-state why it was wrong, and that the consequence is that he can not play with friends for this time period. I would also extend the consequence to prohibit friends playing in a bedroom in general (something I never allow until MUCH older and only if there is a reason they need to be in there). Yes, it means you as the mom suffer as well because it will limit what you can do with your kids. But this is how to make it middah k'neged middah and make a connection between the action and the learning not to do it again.

Moving forward, you may want to consider not allowing your kids to play in a bedroom at all, be it at your house or at a friends house. I don't allow it unless there is a reason they have to be in there (we have a pocket pet in my kid's room and sometimes they like to play with it or show it to the friend or whatever), but then they have to come back to the main living area to play.

As far as the overall concern that he peed on people - I'm not one to jump to conclusions or form worries about this. I don't love that people are jumping to abuse, bullying, or any other extreme thoughts. Sometimes boys just... pee for no reason.

But now you know that you can no longer allow your boys to have friends who are girls play in their room. And please reconsider allowing the kids to play in their rooms with friends in general.

watergirl

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:21 am

amother Powderblue wrote:

I hope you didn't tell anyone IRL what your son did. If I was that little girl's mother I'd warn my kids away from yours for life. That's some serious pedo behavior so make sure he gets psychological help.

I strongly disagree with your assessment. If I were the girl's mother, I would just make sure there are no more bedroom playdates (addressed in my post above). I'd also have a personal safety conversation with my girls which would be a refresher, as this is an on-going discussion we have with our kids.

amother

Zinnia

Mon, Apr 17 2023, 8:30 am

amother Antiquewhite wrote:

OP I agree with most of the posters, do not blame Lakewood for your sons issues.

I will say that each of my boys, as they reached primary, went through a huge acting out phase. It’s a tremendous adjustment and a five year old may not really understand how to deal with their emotions. For a couple of my boys (I have a lot kn”h) we went to a child therapist to learn how to specifically parent him and his particular issues. It’s very expensive but worth every penny

At 5 are they expected to sit and learn all day? That’s not developmentally appropriate for many kids girls or boys.

I also guess I’m also the only one who has spirited girls who love to run and play.

locked by request of OP