Forgiveness without being asked?

amother

Sun, May 21 2023, 5:52 am

regarding this post

https://www.imamother.com/foru.....06217

there were responses that the woman may have forgiven or doesnt even remember and has moved on so who said boss is suffering cos of her.

I dont understand?

a person is obligated to ask mechilah if he hurt someone no matter if other person doesnt have grudge, has moved on, has forgiven and not thinking about it...otherwise hashem cannot forgive him.

I have read many stories of people going through hard times and then after some soul searching
ask forgiveness - many times response is - oh I long forgot or long forgave....

so why was this person suffering in the first place if the person forgave or long forgot?

why do we sometimes forgive someone even if they havent ask and say dont want that person to suffer cos of me...he will suffer if he hasnt asked so how is the forgiveness without asking for it helping him?

singleagain

Sun, May 21 2023, 7:46 am

I don't believe that all suffering is due to lack of forgiveness. Otherwise my ex would still be single and childless bc I definitely didn't forgive him for everything he did wrong during our split.... But he got remarried and I'm the one who's still single

amother

Sun, May 21 2023, 7:59 am

singleagain wrote:

I am sorry for your pain and what you went/going through.

neither do I think that way. cos I see people in my life too.

what I am trying to say is that when a person does decide he is suffering cos he wronged someone
(and there is a possibility hashem is waking him up) then how can it be if in a certain case the offended one never held it against him and forgave him without asking why was he suffering if there is such a thing as I am mochel someone cos I dont want him to suffer cos of me?

meaning why did the person suffer to bring him to ask mechilah if that person forgave and/or forgot?
seems as if it doesnt help to forgive someone like that....?

amother

Sun, May 21 2023, 10:44 am

e.g I hurt somebody years ago. now am going through a challenge. remind myself of this and ask mechila.
person says either long forgot never held it against you or said forgave you ages ago.

so I went through the challenge not to wake up and ask forgiveness?

amother

Tangerine

Sun, May 21 2023, 12:11 pm

When someone does an aveira of Bein Udum L'chaveroi, there are two seperate aspects to the tshuva: Bein udum L'chaveroi- asking for forgiveness, and Bein udum L'mukom- doing the four aspects of tshuva which are: acknowledging the sin, abandoning the sin, regretting the sin, and committing to not do that sin again.

Asking for forgiveness is part of the tshuva process to erase the sin. It's not dependent on whether the hurt person forgave or not. Rather, it's one of the steps that the person who wronged needs to do.

On the other hand, when a person was hurt, forgiving will help him move on and feel better. Keeping a grudge is very hard emotionally. I see this as the main reason for a person to work on forgiving; to make myself feel better and have a positive outlook and happy life!

shanie5

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:45 pm

Just because a person was forgiven doesn't mean the act was not wrong. Asking forgiveness is a person acknowledging that what he did was wrong. Thinking it is not enough. Asking is truly admitting he was wrong. And having to admit it -which is an uncomfortable thing to do-may make him think again before repeating the wrong.

Cheiny

Sun, May 21 2023, 9:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

No one can know for sure why someone is suffering or having difficulty and no can know that it’s because of not forgiving. Yes, some people who forgave someone they were holding a grudge against did see yeshuos but no one can say for sure the reason why people suffer or have nisyonos.