Playgroup morah: caring vs. "responsible"

amother

Thu, Sep 07 2023, 4:20 pm

I know that a lot of people judge how responsible a playgroup morah is by whether she changes the kids' diapers regularly. And maybe whether they eat sufficiently while there.

My three year old is at a morah who is caring and loving and great with the kids. She's happy to go, excited to tell me about it when she gets home. They do lots of activities and she's making friends.

She's not yet toilet trained (hope to work on it soon, pushed it off due to some medical issues that are BH resolved). She has been coming home with massively hanging diapers. Playgroup is five hours, and I doubt she's been changed even once during that time.

I am obviously going to mention something to her (it's only been three days, and I ignored it the first day because it was the first day...but plan on saying something tomorrow). But is this really a red flag? If it would keep happening, I might just ignore it. My daughter doesn't have sensitive skin, and it hopefully won't be a long term thing (we might train next week or might wait until after yom tov), so it doesn't really bother me so much, and my daughter doesn't seem to mind...I'd rather a loving, wonderful morah who doesn't have the headspace to remember diapers than one who remembers diapers but ignores the kids all day (which is what I've seen happen in some playgroups).

Am I crazy?

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Sep 07 2023, 4:33 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

At this age it might be that she's not as on top of diaper kids accidentally because most are trained. I'd mention it but wouldn't worry that it's a red flag the first week of school.

I agree with this and also that they need to spend a lot of time and headspace on the trained kids (some of whom are very newly trained) to make sure they are using the bathroom, comfortable using it, etc.

But do mention it.

mig100

Thu, Sep 07 2023, 4:40 pm

amother Tealblue wrote:

At this age it might be that she's not as on top of diaper kids accidentally because most are trained. I'd mention it but wouldn't worry that it's a red flag the first week of school.

this. when all the kids are in diapers, they have changing time and change them all at once. once most kids are three I find them to be less on top of it. If you plan to train her in near future, I would not be so concerned

amother

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 1:29 pm

So here's an update.

I said I realize that my daughter is probably one of the only kids not toilet trained yet, and she said "No, actually, there are a bunch this year." So I asked her to please make sure to change her at least once a day, because she's been getting a bit of a rash. She looked taken aback, and said she generally only changes kids when they have a dirty diaper, not just wet...but okay. Then the next day she said to me, if this is going to be a daily thing, could I please send in a box of disposable gloves for her.

I'm a little bit concerned. Not about whether she'll change her diaper now. I'm sure she won't come home with a sagging diaper on a regular basis anymore. But isn't this a normal, expected job when it comes to being a morah? That you change a kid's diaper? The kids are there for about five hours every day. Is my kid the only one who needs to be changed more often than that?

If I'm a little bit nervous, what else should I look out for? Again, my daughter is coming home happy and is excited to go back the next day. She has come home with a dirty face sometimes (and she's not a particularly dirty kid). But do these things matter if the morah is loving and caring? My gut is that it's fine, but I'm feeling irresponsible that I'm not more concerned about it.

Note that she's not a young, irresponsible babysitter who has never done this before. She's a grandmother (a young grandmother, but still) and has been doing this for a long time, I think. She really loves the kids and loves doing this, from what I can see. This just confuses me. I don't know what to make of it.

amother

Begonia

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 1:58 pm

Give her a box of gloves and see what happens. Some people don’t take diapers full of pee so seriously. I do. I change my kids as soon as it’s starting to look poofed up (we go through a lot of diapers…). But even so I wouldn’t let this be the one thing to stop sending my kid to a playgroup.

(I would be irritated but hopefully she will listen and change your child more often).

Give a box of gloves and see if anything else comes up. It’s nice when kids come home with a clean face but doesn’t always happen and not so practical with all the business going on.

asmileaday

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 2:19 pm

It does sound a bit strange to only change kids when they have a dirty diaper. Sagging diapers full of pee aren't comfortable or great for the skin.
I would let her know they you want your kid changed even if there's no poop.
Not a red flag yet but I'd stay aware.

About the dirty face, that's really nothing.
Many years ago I once observed my child's playgroup teacher hurriedly and vigorously wiping the kids faces with a baby wipe at dismissal so they can have a clean face at pickup.
She even did it to my child in front of me and my child visibly hated it. I don't generally use wipes on the face. If I do I do it very gently. I was bothered.
I prefer a happy child than a clean faced one.

amother

Mayflower

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 2:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is very concerning! She should be changing her diaper two times at least daily.

amother

Gladiolus

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 2:39 pm

It is a concern for me. I would be keeping an eye out that everything else is okay. Sending in a box of gloves is a small price to pay for my child to be changed regularly. I would expect my child to be changed if they are there for several hours. If it was up to 2 hours, then I wouldn't be bothered, but more than that I would take it for granted they're getting changed.
Does she usually only have toilet trained children? Maybe she isn't naturally used to children in diapers in her playgroup.
Not being perfectly clean to me says my child had a good day. If your dd is coming back happy and everything else seems good, I wouldn't change playgroups. But if there are other concerns around neglect, I would be rethinking this.

amother

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 2:42 pm

I sent in a box of gloves today. I don't mind that, it just seemed strange, like it's really so out of the ordinary, so unheard-of, for her to change diapers daily that she needs to ask me for gloves in order to do it?

I'd like to keep an eye out for other things, but I'm not sure for what. Maybe I'll drop in unannounced in the middle of the day, maybe I'll pretend I forgot to bring her lunch or something. I have to figure out practically when I can do that, and I'm not sure how much it would show me...since wouldn't I need to knock and wait for her to open the door? In which case I don't think I'd see her neglecting the kids. What else should I look out for?

amother

Tealblue

Thu, Sep 14 2023, 4:23 pm

It’s crazy you had to ask. If she wanted gloves and didn’t want to pay for it she should have asked each person to send it in at the beginning. There are so many red flags here. If she on her own can’t figure out kids this age need their diapers changed I don’t think she should be taking care of toddlers. Sometimes kids come home happy even while being neglected so that wouldn’t be the measuring tool I use.