Yelling at kids | Imamother

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:04 am

If you post about yelling or screaming at kids, what do you mean by that? A full-on scream your head off deal? Speaking slightly louder than usual? Berating? Repeating instructions?

I find that I frequently raise my voice such that someone in the next room could hear me when my kids do things like touch me in a way I don’t like (“Stop!”) or start grabbing from the baby (“No! Give it back!”) or repeating instructions (“For the fifth time, put your shoes on!”). Is that considered yelling at my kids? It’s probably like half the volume I would use if I were calling them to come inside from playing if they weren’t right outside the door or window.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:08 am

Good question.
I don’t yell but when I use a stern tone even if it is quieter than my usual voice my kids say they feel I’m yelling at them

amother

Mustard

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:09 am

amother Marigold wrote:

Good question.
I don’t yell but when I use a stern tone even if it is quieter than my usual voice my kids say they feel I’m yelling at them

Same here. I really never yell, so to them that’s yelling.

amother

Cinnamon

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:10 am

To me it's all about context. Yelling out of joy and having a great time isn't an issue in my book (if no one is bothered by it). Yelling mean things isn't great. But then neither is saying mean things quietly. DH's family barely raises their voices and they are probably the cruelest narcissists I've met in person. Last time we saw his parents, DH went to sit next to FIL to talk to him and FIL just started mocking DH for his belly. Like an 8 year old bully. And not a single voice was raised.

amother

Cantaloupe

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:10 am

Yelling at kids can be as harmful as s-xual or physical abuse: study https://nypost.com/2023/10/02/.....ttons

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:20 am

I find that when I’m really trying to drive a point home, like after a child really crossed a line or did something dangerous, I have a very serious, quiet tone that I use. So when I “yell” (like the examples in my above post) it’s not generally anger or something so serious, but really mild frustration or bemusement.

amother

Olive

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:23 am

I have kids (and a dh...) who tell me I'm yelling at them when I calmly tell them what they have done wrong. Particularly if I ask why.

amother

Natural

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 1:24 am

I once saw my neighbor yelling. My daughter flinched, hers didn't. They are used to her tone.
I prob use a louder tone when a kid doesn't listen. To someone it may not seem as yelling, but my kids will know I mean business ...

singsong

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 8:32 am

I have a very loud voice and my kids constantly think I'm yelling. I don't pay attention to it because I cannot change the voice I was blessed with. When I'm upset at them I actually lower my tone to the point of whispering to get my point across.

The funny thing is, when we get together with my family they suddenly realize I'm not that loud because we're ALL loud with very loud voices.

amother

Thu, Oct 05 2023, 9:10 am

singsong wrote:

I also think I have a loud voice. I’m a teacher and my students never have trouble hearing me. And in my classroom, I always think I’m yelling all the time (not out of anger, just to give instructions and when I get excited about the material), but my students don’t think I do.

It also looks like most of the posters here doing really yell. I wonder where all the other mothers are…