How to help with anxiety

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> School age children

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amother

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 11:05 pm

Dd had a major meltdown tonight that she isn’t going to school tomorrow if her older sister isn’t going on the bus with her. I tried talking her through it- what is the worst that can happen and we can try to come up with good ideas and tips but she was not having it…. After 2 hours of crying I told her she can stay home. She calmed down immediately and looked much more relaxed. I wish I’d know how to help her because all different type of situations happen and she won’t always be prepared for them. If you have experience in this area at all please guide me a bit. Thank you!

taketwo

Wed, Oct 25 2023, 11:14 pm

Allowing her to stay home because of anxiety is feeding her anxiety. You need to think of something to help her feel less anxious on the bus/in school. And of course dig deep if there is anything truly concerning causing her anxiety.

When I say think of something. I mean depending on age, you could send a comforting a soft toy, a picture of mommy, a tehilim if older. Something to comfort her and make her feel safer.

There is a great book called The Little Spot of Anxiety. Read that with her and practice the tapping fingers to calm down. It's important for her to also acknowledge that is okay to he anxious, anxiety is there to keep us safe, but sometimes it works too hard and prevents us from doing fun enjoyable actual and living a normal life.

Uhum

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 12:06 am

The mighty moe workbook

I know its in the process of being translated to yiddish but not sure when it will be done

Dm me if you need info

amother

Lavender

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 3:49 am

My dd refused to go to first grade every day at the beginning of last year. I dressed her and practically dragged her screaming and crying to her classroom. Then one day I stopped. I told her this is something scary but worth it. Would she rather stay home? Go to some special school for kids too scared to go to regular school? What does she want to do? She said she wants to be in this school right down the block with her best friend. So she figured out how to make it happen, even though it's scary. After that she was fine, B"H, every day.

We spoke about being scared a lot. I was once scared to go to the dentist. But I didn't want my tooth to get worse, so I made the appointment and went. Sometimes we're scared and don't do something, like bungee jumping. It's not wrong to be scared. But sometimes we're scared and still do it. Because it's worth it. Good luck, anxiety can be so difficult to navigate!

myname1

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 3:56 am

I saw a book recently for kids in Israel regarding the war and sirens for missiles, Michal Asks Ima About sirens by Dr. Chaya Lieba Kobernick. Most of it is specifically about the war, but the author also put in some general tips for dealing with anxiety which I found helpful to discuss with my kids.

Here is my favorite part:
“But I also know that sometimes being afraid is very important. It’s very important to be afraid when
something is dangerous. When we hear the siren, I feel a little afraid, and that makes me move quickly to get all of our family to a safe place. A lot of the time, though, feeling afraid is like a broken fire alarm. It’s ringing and ringing but there’s no fire! When that happens, we need to say “there is no fire!” and turn off the alarm. You can do that by talking back to your fear.

Let’s call it Fraidy. Hey, Fraidy, did you know there is no fire? We don’t need you right now!

The author adds this:
Explaining the function of fear is so valuable. Fear isn’t a bad thing! Fear is there to help us. Encouraging children to talk back to their unhelpful fear helps them to separate from it and not feel consumed by it. It puts them back in the driver’s seat, which is so important with anxiety.

If you OP or anyone else wants to PM me an email address, I can send you the whole book by PDF.

amother

Linen

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:37 am

The thing with anxiety is that you need to push yourself to face the fear. Ie. I have severe anxiety, I was so scared to give shots, but my smart preceptor made me go with him to a clinic. I saw other students and everyone seemed chilled giving shots. At first it was scary, but I told myself I got this, we’re all students and are in same boat, then I just started giving shot after shot until I asked my preceptor for more!

Last edited by amother on Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:42 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Linen

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:37 am

Delete

amother

Linen

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:37 am

Delete

amother

Linen

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:38 am

Delete

Perly1

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 5:54 am

My DD suffered anxiety and would have regular meltdowns. We found reflexology and also a hypnotherapist who dealt with anxiety to be helpful. The hypnotherapist did tapping and visualisation.

amother

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 10:36 am

Thank you for your replies. I’ll look into the suggestions. She’s in first grade and my most intense kid by far.

amother

Electricblue

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 10:44 am

Following, have first grader with similar issues. I listened to a podcast on Getting Real Coach Menachem that helped me understand that avoidance is the worst thing for anxiety.

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/.....50209

I also deal with anxiety myself and it’s hard for me too. I do try to avoid. It feels better in the short term. And I’m trying hard to find out and give my kid the tools so he can learn tips to manage the anxiety.

Hugs. It’s hard to see the kids suffering.

amother

Mauve

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 10:46 am

following! I have a second grader with debilitating anxiety. she refused to go to school today because of a scheduled fire alarm.

amother

Banana

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 10:49 am

Avoiding it feeds the fear and makes it grow much larger. You need to come up with solutions with her and give her tools to face her fears and overcome them. Break them down to tiny pieces, what happens if you go on the bus alone, and then what happens, and next what happens, and how can you prevent those situations etc…

amother

Vanilla

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 11:02 am

I would recommend that you find a therapist who can work with you using the SPACE method. It's a treatment method for anxiety that works with the parents to help them learn how to respond to their child's anxiety supportively, while also reducing the accommodations that they make as caregivers. The only way for anxiety to get better is to face it.

You can read more about the method at this link
https://www.spacetreatment.net/

amother

Pewter

Thu, Oct 26 2023, 11:58 am

I'm willing to bet a large number of these highly anxious kids have some level of brain inflammation going on. They would benefit from addressing the biomedical aspect in addition to the behavioral techniques.

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