Kids making funny faces at me

amother

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 1:49 pm

my kids, 10 and 6, make faces at me. when they don't like what I say they'll make a mocking face. it's chutzpadig and degrading for me to accept. if they're doing it to me, who says they don't do it in school to their teachers?
I want them to know it's not ok or tolerated but also I don't care for myself so idk if I should stress on it or if I should ignore and they'll just outgrow it.

BrisketBoss

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 1:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

'degrading for me to accept'

'I don't care for myself'

Which one is true?

You have a unique relationship with your children. They will not generalize that everything they do with you is something they can do with others.

amother

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 2:36 pm

I don't like the faces because it undoes everything I was saying. leitzana achas... I can overlook it but I feel like if I don't say anything I'm showing them you can treat mommy/adults any way.
sometimes if they get hurt, I'll say "oy, I'm sorry" in a soft tone and they'll make a weird face and copy my words. idk where they picked it up.
it's degrading for a mom to accept certain behaviors, not personally but from a chinuch perspective.

if I ignore is it something they'll stop or am I condoning it?

amother

Clematis

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 2:42 pm

When you ignore the child gets no reaction and will stop doing it. Don't think too deeply into it. It's an extremely effective parenting tool just more difficult to implement cause you naturally want to react.

amother

Yellow

Tue, Dec 12 2023, 5:38 pm

My daughter used to speak to me not so respectifully, and I was never offended so I just kept letting it go, but I realized that she speaks to other people that way too and some of them do find it disrespectuful or offensive. I realized it is my job and no one else's to give her chinuch on these matters, so I need to teach her what is generally acceptable for others and not just what I may or may not be offended by. So I sat down with her when it wasn't happening and we had a series of talks about how certain behaviors appear to other people, and I am not hurt by her behavior, but other people are sensitive and let's think about different ways we talk and which ones might hurt people's feelings. I see a difference (still a work in progress),, and she does it less and is quicker to catch herself and apologize if she didn't think before she spoke that way. So I am really glad that I am helping her be a nicer person to interact with, it is good for her and others. No punishments, no harsh lectures, just mutual discussions about respect at a calm and quiet time and place. So I support you opening discussions with your kids about this, whether it bothers you or not, as a part of chinuch, and give them time and patience to improve.