Bar mitzvah/Pilot trip - crazy idea?

justforfun87

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 10:57 am

I am not sure what to think of this. Initially we wanted to do a bar mitzvah trip for my son in Israel for a once in a lifetime trip but then my in-laws dropped out and we figured it would just be us. Then I felt bad and decided maybe we should just do the parsha reading at our shul where we live as we have friends and lived here for years but then found out another bar mitzvah boy booked the parsha that week. They are a wealthy well known family and I don't think although I didn't ask about sharing the "spotlight." Then we decided we want to make aliyah and maybe combine the bar mitzvah trip with a pilot trip.

How sad is it to have him learn his parsha and find a random community we are checking out to read that week? Is it weird that after a year of practicing he will read to just strangers leaving just my husband and I to schep nachas?

Our parents do not care either way really to be part of it and we don't have extended family either. They are happy with just a local party.

TR91

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:02 am

Mazel tov!
What about if you find a meaningful crowd/location so it's not just random strangers, but, say, at the Kotel, or for a refugee crowd, or for soldiers, or a retirement home, etc?

ETA, assuming you are flexible with dates/timing and don't have to spend that Shabbos in the potential new community.

Last edited by TR91 on Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:04 am; edited 1 time in total

justforfun87

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:04 am

TR91 wrote:

Mazel tov!
What about if you find a meaningful crowd/location so it's not just random strangers, but, say, at the Kotel, or for a refugee crowd, or for soldiers, or a retirement home, etc?

Beautiful Idea! I guess I am torn as I thought spending shabbos in a community was ideal for a pilot trip but maybe not. How do you arrange at the kotel to read the torah on shabbos? I assume I wouldn't be able to hear it.

Success10

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:05 am

And putting Israel aside for one second, are there any other options of places he can lein in your community that shabbos? If you anyway have nowhere to do the aliyah l'Torah...

justforfun87

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:14 am

Success10 wrote:

And putting Israel aside for one second, are there any other options of places he can lein in your community that shabbos? If you anyway have nowhere to do the aliyah l'Torah...

We live in Baltimore so there are dozens of shuls but we only have a real kesher at this one which is booked. Of course we could hypothetically go to another one but...

Success10

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:19 am

It's about him. If he does not care who sees him lein, then the trip is a good idea. Though it might be awkward to lein in a place that literally no one knows you.

You guys should maybe check out rechovot.

essie14

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:24 am

My cousin made a bar mitzvah at the start of the war , here in Israel, when there were restrictions on number of people at gatherings, and the rules were changing daily.
Her son read on Monday (all out of town family and a few close friends), Thursday (in his school for friends and rebbeim) and then on Shabbat in their shul.

Your son could read Torah at the Kotel on Thursday and you can make it festive and then read again on Shabbat wherever you spend it. In most communities in Israel they throw candy at the bar mitzvah boy, so bring 2 bags of Sunkist fruit gems with you from America to throw at both torah readings.
If you're spending Shabbat with people you know, maybe you can organize a small kiddush on shabbat in their shul.

scintilla

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:27 am

I agree that it will be a little random to have his first aliya/leining at a community you're checking out but have no kesher to, doesn't mean you can't do it if you really want to but there are better options. I think the kosel idea is a good one, you can definitely get close enough to hear.

Alternatively, or maybe in addition, there is also leining at mincha on Shabbos day. In my community people who want their boys to have their first aliya in a specific shul often do it then, you can have whoever you want come and it can be exactly as big or small as you like!

amother

Begonia

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 11:36 am

I'm sure you realise this, but you'll have to make arrangements with any shul you want to to lein in in Israel. At the very least, check that they don't have a Bar Mitzvah already booked that week, and whether they have any rules about what a Bar Mitzvah boy lens. For example, in my shul, Bar Mitzvah boys only lein maftir and Haftora. (They instituted this rule to reduce stress on the boys and minimise the chance for mistakes.) They might be strict about a certain pronunciation.

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 12:52 pm

justforfun87 wrote:

We live in Baltimore so there are dozens of shuls but we only have a real kesher at this one which is booked. Of course we could hypothetically go to another one but...

Is there anyplace you could make your own minyan? If you're thinking of making aliya it might be nice for your son to have a last hurrah so to speak with his friends. Being a go with the flow kid is amazing I have some of those and it's such a brachca but I feel like because they don't have strong opinions I have to work on making sure they get what they 'deserve' so they won't think back and feel bad that they were so passive.

amother

Blueberry

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 2:28 pm

Quote:

We live in Baltimore so there are dozens of shuls but we only have a real kesher at this one which is booked. Of course we could hypothetically go to another one but...

Can you make your own minyan elsewhere.

Also from Baltimore...

I have been to more than one bar mitzvah in Etz Chaim (though I heard they are no longer renting out for simchas) and in Ohr Hamizrach's basement. Their own minyan, own kiddush, etc. Some did it because they specifically wanted their own minyan and run their own show, but others did it due to other bar mitzvah's in shul the same week. Your shul members will come for the kiddush after the kiddish in shul if it's not too far. Any friends and/or members you are close will can join your minyan.

But having a bar mitzvah in EY is also so beautiful. Just pre-arrange as many boys in EY only laiyn maftir and not the whole parsha.

amother

Lightblue

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 2:45 pm

Many chareidi shuls in EY only allow the boys to lein maftir and haftarah. This is due to a number of reasons, one of them is that if the boy didn't really read the parsha but rather had memorized it, then no one listening was yotzei.

amother

Offwhite

Thu, Dec 21 2023, 4:10 pm

I know some people lein the Torah a shabbos before bar mitzvah and some read / lein the Torah a shabbos after...
Perhaps check with your rav if that ok...

So I'm not sure which shabbos it's booked by you... How about you book the other?