Do you send out group invitations?

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:08 am

I've recently not been invited to several events. I was surprised. I know about them because I am on the email lists where they sent group invitations.

*However,* they wouldn't know I'm on those lists. In 2 cases, they were bar mitzvahs, and I'm on the shul list, but we don't daven at that shul, and they know it. I don't think they looked through the lists to see who's on it and who would need a separate invitation. I am on the list from years ago when my husband davened there for a short time. They don't send too much so I never bothered asking them to take us off. I also like to hear about things going on in the neighborhood. But these friends wouldn't think I'm on the list. At least in one case, I was shocked to hear she's making a bar mitzvah and didn't invite me.

This has been happening a lot, and I am wondering how normal is it to send random group list invitations and no private ones. Am I being too sensitive? Is this just what people do and then expect word to get around? It's foreign to me. I have older girls, so no bar mitzvahs yet.

This happened again just now. An old friend, who I don't speak to that much. We bump into each other shopping from time to time and always chat. We brought up our kids together, and she's the type of person I would always imagine I would invite to my sinchas iyH. She invited us to her last bar mitzvah. We're still on the old neighborhood list even though we moved to the next neighborhood over, a 5 minute drive. I saw she's making a bar mitzvah on the list this morning and am surprised to hear about it like this.

In another case, a neighbor, someone I speak to regularly, made a bar mitzvah recently. My DD saw hers and they invited her to come to the kiddush, which I hadn't heard about. I happened to bump into her on Friday!!!! and she was mortified and said they forgot to put up signs in the buildings. I did go to her kiddush, but honestly, it feels like a slap in the face.

I'm just wondering, are you the person posting these simchas on lists? Do you send out personal invitations as well? Do you expect other people to hear and just show up? I feel like if you wanted me to know and be there, you'd make sure I knew about it. At least, I think that's what I'd do. We're in Israel, in case that makes a difference.

Dev80

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 4:18 am

I personally would send individual emails, and have received personal invites from friends. That would be in addition to putting it an email or WhatsApp group. Now I curious to know if people just put it on the groups and don't send individually?

When we made a simcha, there were a few people I didn't send personal invites too as we're more acquaintances and I didn't want them to think it was weird I was inviting them /feel obligated to come. We also posted to a group email and two of those people came and I was so happy to see them (one even ended up holding my baby for a chunk of the simcha!)

Also in Israel. Now I'm curious to hear what others do as we're planning out next simcha (but I will send individual invites bc I do want people to know I want them there!)

amother

Blush

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 5:15 am

I'm not in EY so I can't answer about that but just trying to understand why you would expect to be invited when you didn't even know they had a simcha coming up until you saw it emailed?

Like if you were good friends presumably you'd know their kids ages etc?

I guess its very expensive to make a simcha then to have to invite people you haven't spoken to in years it all adds up.

And are you talking about the dinner or kiddush? Where I live its totally normal for group invites for kiddushim I.e. shul email, shul noticeboard, WhatsApp status / broadcast etc.

Please don't feel bad and take it too personally. There can be many reasons people are left off receiving personal invitations (if they were sent), it happens by most simchos. Its a huge stress on the baal simcha to accommodate and remember everyone. They could have restricted space, have family only for the dinner or simply forgot!
I wouldn't hold it against them.

Just go and wish them mazal tov and be besimcha, I'm sure they'll be delighted you made the effort Smile

amother

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 5:32 am

amother Blush wrote:

I speak to these people all the time. Some of them I was better friends with in the past, but these are all people I speak to. We all have knayna hara large families, and if the said bar mitzvah kid isn't in my kid's class, I won't necessarily remember she has one that age.

One of them, not mentioned, I spoke to the night before she made a bris and she didn't tell me to come.

amother

Hyssop

Sun, Dec 31 2023, 8:06 am

amother OP wrote:

That’s different
We don’t invite to a bris. And if you spoke to her the night before, it’s presumed you knew about the bris.