I don’t go to some simchos

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:15 pm

Because giving $50-100 gift is not in my budget and apparently $18-36 is too little in my circles
So unless it’s a very close friend or family member I just don’t go.
It’s funny though bec personally I’d rather people come to my simcha and not give a gift than not come at all but social etiquette seems to dictate that I stay home.
Anyone else in the same boat?

amother

Lightgreen

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:18 pm

???
It never even crosses my mind to give a gift to every simcha I’m invited/go to!
Neighbors, cousins, second cousins… they just genuinely appreciate everyone who comes! No one wants your 18 or 36 or even 100 dollars! They just want your presence at their simcha!! IMHO

amother

Obsidian

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:21 pm

amother Lightgreen wrote:

This. I highly doubt the balei simcha only invite people for their checks.

amother

Orchid

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:23 pm

OMG! They want your presence, not presents!! Means more to them than any check

amother

Rainbow

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:27 pm

Me in the same boat. I don’t go to a simcha without a check.
Unless it’s a public simcha where they invite the entire community or make a disclaimer like “instead of a gift make a donation in our honor to whatever charity”

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:33 pm

All posters are most likely from different communities as the social norms are different in each community.

gr82no

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 7:35 pm

amother Orchid wrote:

OMG! They want your presence, not presents!! Means more to them than any check

I love that line in reverse on the talking coins

amother

Acacia

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 8:01 pm

This could also be generational.

My mom sent a check to every single event and shabbos kiddush she ever went to including bar mitzvah (not the dinner), girl's kiddish, bris, etc. Either a check or a baby outfit, per the case.

She was shocked when we had kids, had a big bris/kiddush, and received very few gifts. I told her it makes sense - I go to many a bris or kiddush and don't give a gift; why should I expect one?

People don't give gifts to every simcha they go to - it's impossible.

scintilla

Wed, Jan 10 2024, 8:06 pm

I only give gifts when a relative or close friend gets married, and when a close relative or close friend has a baby (I have a stash of cute baby outfits from when the stores go on deep end of season sales). I still go to simchos. But I'm sure this is very community dependent. OP what has given you the feeling that people don't want you to come unless you bring more than $36? From the way you write it sounds like you have had a bad experience.

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