Sensitive DS | Imamother

amother

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 7:33 pm

My DS8 is a sweet gentle boy who is also very sensitive. If he gets hurt in a ball game, or loses, or someone says something not the nicest to him, he will burst into tears and cry for a long time.

My instinct as a mother is that I should validate his emotions and just let him cry as long as he needs. I'm seeing though that this is really affecting him socially 😥 The other boys lose patience with him.

I don't want to say that I'm asking how to toughen him up (I don't see that as a goal!) but what can I do to help him?

amother

Raspberry

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 7:40 pm

At home as a mom it's great to give him his space but it's not real life interactions.

So at a no problem calm time I would begin a conversation about how we all have feelings which are fine. But what we do with them can be sometimes bother other kids and then they might look at u funny or not want to play with you. So even tho you get hurt and of course it hurts sometimes we need to swallow it and put on a tough face and say it's OK I'm fine.

I would make up a story about a kid different age, gender, etc who does the same thing as him and then ask him why do u think no one wanted to play with sari anymore and see what he says.

It's a process and he's really already the right age for it.

amother

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 7:43 pm

amother Raspberry wrote:

I just don't want to shame him for crying 😬
I grew up with a lot of "that isn't something to cry about!" and to this day I have a hard time crying even when it would be an appropriate response and it's not very emotionally healthy

Dolly Welsh

Sun, Jan 14 2024, 10:51 pm

Involve his father.

Turn this whole thing over to his father. This is guy stuff. They have to be men and sure they have feelings, but they have to handle them their own way. Man way.

You say that crying about hurts was not permitted you. Or not enough. Just be sure you are not somehow communicating to him the opposite, so he does what you were not allowed to do, as a kind of reparations or revenge for the past.

You probably aren't, but it is just something to be aware of.

Now, what is making this kid so despairing? If there are anxieties about money or who knows what, make sure the kids don't hear them. He may have.

If he has fabulously poised, smart, and good looking siblings or brothers, the smallest setback may tip his sense of value into despair territory. Just make sure he feels his own value, when nothing in particular is going on.

Once he is crying, there is not much to do about that except wait it out.

Make sure he is eating enough, is fat enough, is nourished enough, and sleeps enough. Is getting his vitamin drops.

Unbeknownst to his parents, his siblings may be waking him up at night. Does he look tired, dark circles? Tired people do indeed cry at anything.

If his teachers are harsh, find out about that. They might be causing this.

Is he the youngest in his classes? Not good. Not in this instance, anyway.