How to handle situation

amother

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 12:11 am

My brother comes to my house sometimes to help me with my baby, and he almost never takes his shoes off-I don’t mean at my house, I mean he almost never takes his shoes off, even at home. I can tell because his feet smell. One time I asked him to take off his shoes and his feet smelled really bad. It was even worse than with his shoes on. His breath also smells, and his nails are quite long, with dirt inside. It is sometimes unpleasant for me when his feet smell. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, though. Any ideas on how I can handle this?

amother

Dahlia

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 12:25 am

I’d tell him the dr said anyone around the baby had to do certain hygiene routines and take him for a manicure pedicure to start
Does he regularly shower? See a dentist? Have a checkup?
Sounds like something is off does he have a therapist?

WhatFor

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 12:26 am

What a sweet guy that he comes over to help you with your baby! It sounds like he's not good at hygiene. Simply not showering or washing socks can cause smelly feet, even if there were no shoe issue. Or he might have a fungus or something. It sounds like he doesn't brush his teeth or cut his fingernails.

Most people don't want to go around smelling so he might not know. Did your parents not teach you guys? Does he have ADHD or ASD or something that makes menial tasks difficult for him?

In any case, I think as his sister, you could definitely say something in a kind and gentle way. Especially if your parents didn't teach you, you can say it like, "I wanted to tell you something I realized later in life because our parents didn't teach us. Mostly about hygiene like handling our teeth, nails, and laundry. First of all, we need to brush our teeth twice a day and floss once daily. It's very important for our health. Also, we should be changing our socks daily, and washing them in between. If your shoes smell, that's are deodorizers you can use. And cutting our nails and keeping them clean - we shouldn't be walking around with dirt under them."

Iymnok

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 12:33 am

My boys, from about age 8, have smelly feet. Especially in the summer. I get them anti-oder insoles and foot powder. That drastically reduces the smell.
If it's really bad I'll give them a pack of baby wipes or have them wash their feet in the bathtub.

DrMom

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 2:49 am

How old is he?

I wouldn't want somebody with poor hygiene to help take care of my baby. No thanks!

Tell him that babies need a clean environment and use that as an excuse to jump-start an improved hygiene program for your brother.

And talk to your parents (I'm assuming he still lives at home?) to make sure he has the things he needs (soap, shampoo, a nail clipper) to maintain the routine. Or maybe you can buy him a gift basket that includes these items as a thank-you for helping you.

singleagain

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 6:11 am

I will add one reason feet smell is because people wear the same closed in shoe. The foot sweats and bacteria breed. Besides for the baby powder, and oder eaters changing shoes and giving them time to dry out between uses will also help. Can you suggest for him to get a second pair of shoes and he should switch off shoes daily?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Jan 15 2024, 6:43 am

I also found that using head and shoulders shampoo to wash feet has helped tremendously. Plain soap doesn't work. It's the main ingredient pyrithion zinc. You gotta wash all over and especially between the toes.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:15 am

WhatFor wrote:

“What a sweet guy that he comes over to help you with your baby!” 😊

Thank you so much for this idea. I really like it. It is super helpful!

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:17 am

Iymnok wrote:

Thank you. Thank you also for normalizing it:)

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:20 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

Not everything is a whole major issue. Sometimes people just don’t see the importance of something. We’re talking about a boy here. As many on this forum commented, it’s normal for boys not to be so good at hygiene.
I would appreciate not being so judgmental.

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 12:21 am

amother Honey wrote:

I think you are doing him a big service if you teach him hygiene! He obviously didn’t learn it properly and it won’t be easy for him to find a shidduch this way

Thank you! I really appreciate the encouragement!

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 1:12 am

singleagain wrote:

Thanks for the idea!

amother

Wed, Jan 17 2024, 1:13 am

amother Scarlet wrote:

Thanks 😊!