I have anorexia AMA

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 1:57 pm

amother Mintcream wrote:

Why would you want to look sick, emaciated, pale etc? It doesn't look pretty, I don't understand it.

It does not make any sense. We are psychologically unwell. Let's decontruct the assumption that everyone with an ed does it to look beautiful. That said, for many people an ed might start out as wanting to raise self esteem and feel beautiful but where is the line between gorgeous and too far? We have a hard time stopping and recognizing it. Think about how you see a room with 10 people some are skinny some are fat and some are normal. I will try to see who is the skinniest and make sure that is me, there can not be 4 skinny people in the room, it is one skinny person and everyone else is normal or fat. Why this obbession with being the skinniest? That is a mental illness called anorexia nervosa. Our heads are not wired straight.

amother

Mintcream

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 2:05 pm

amother OP wrote:

I see, it's that fine line, and then once you've crossed it, you're too far gone. I can imagine it being hard to get out of it once it's taken a hold of you.

amother

Chambray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 8:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

A normal amount of calories will depend on who the person is. A tall man needs more calories then a short skinny lady. I will not say how many calories I eat each day but I make sure that I do not eat an amount which will make me gain. I eat more then people who do crazy restrictive diets and I do not juice fast avoid gluten or try to eat only 1200 calories.

How do you know what amount will make you gain?
Like how do I figure out a health calorie amount while still losing weight?

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right now you are reading a thread and it is not I happily recovered from anorexia ama. I want to reassure you that my story is not your daughters story, and the story of a different recovered amother would not be your daughter's story either. The concept of a honeymoon can apply to eating disorders when being sick and also when being in recovery. Sometimes it can feel/felt like I am in bliss and in love with my ed and also I have had momments when I was a teenager where was doing really well and I felt these honeymoon feelings for recovery being in bliss also. Ultimately though a honeymoon does not last forever. Recovery and weight restoration never stuck for me for long enough and living with an ed is miserable and the path to recovery can feel the same.

I can not pinpoint specific things that helped me, but I am grateful for the way that I grew in my cognitive awareness for my behaviors with each hospital stay. My parents tried from a to z insisting I eat what my mom made to giving me free reign to buy and cook whatever I wanted to eat. Both have pros and cons and I can not advise you. I was also your daughter hiding out in my room a lot. She is hurting and I wish that I had a solution for her but do not lose hope you do not know where she will be in 10 years and sometimes moving backwards could be part of her path moving forward. If I was with your daughter right now any advice I could give to her would not help, it doesnt matter that I have broken bones until she will also experiance the same, it does not matter that I have never had kids because until that is her reality she will feel indifferent. I understand her mindset because we have lived it together, no pain from an ed is too great learned second hand until the person themself experiances it and maybe or maybe not has finally had enough.

Hospitalizations are a critical part of maintaing health but they are also very mentally challanging because the nature of many eating disorders is to compete for who is sicker. It is hard to feel locked in an environment like a hopeless animal trying to restore physical health but also feeling terrible for getting better and wanting to be sicker. I have no advice just sharing your daughter's reality and why hospitalization over and over is not the path to everyone's recovery because getting help in this way is incredibly triggering.

Thank you for answering and writing this so openly.

I don’t think you’ve written anything I didn’t know, but the way you’ve expressed it gives a lot of insight and understanding into my daughter’s world.

It is extremely frustrating and painful from a parents perspective.
But I imagine that’s nothing like the pain of the lived experience

amother

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 4:22 pm

amother Chambray wrote:

How do you know what amount will make you gain?
Like how do I figure out a health calorie amount while still losing weight?

Im not in the position to tell you how to be healthy. The more calories and nutrients you eat while losing the better you will be. Calculators are available online to give you an idea but they are not the pinnacle of accuracy . It guess how much you burn based on your age weight and activity levels. The only way to know if that number is on track is to weigh yourself and see if you lose gain or stay the same. The best person to work with is a registered dietitan to figure out how much you can eat while losing and staying healthy. She can do the math for you and assess important nutrient gaps in your intake. You do not want an unhealthy relationship with weight and numbers in addition to weight loss. Don't ask your docter how to do your taxes and dont ask anorexics how to lose weight. Yes I know information but it can't really help you and can make you worse off for your health goals even if I think I am giving good advice my perception is skewed. I don't fault you for asking this is an AMA afterall. I am not triggered or offended, I am just telling you so that you are aware that my illness does not make me a licensed expert and thats why I wont tell you anything besides basic information. A healthy calorie amount to lose weight would not be one where you are losing too quickly.

amother

Thu, Jan 25 2024, 11:08 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

Don't minimize your pain. Your daughter is hurting and so are you. You can not make your daughter recover but take care of yourself and acknowledge your own pain so that you can be the best capable pillar for her to lean on.

amother

Thu, Feb 01 2024, 5:06 pm

amother Royalblue wrote:

do you frequently feel cold and wear many layers? What kinds of health problems does this cause? Does it cause tooth decay or weakened teeth?
Do you enjoy talking about food and feeding others or watching other people eat?
Does eating few calories effect your mood?

I wear many layers and don't often feel cold or look like I have bad circulation but its very obvious after the shower. I do have many health problems but nothing acute that is life limiting. Bad teeth thin hair low heart rate no period osteoperosis etc but day to day I'm not always at the doctor or hospital. I dont enjoy talking about what im eating because it feels like an interrogation. I do enjoy talking about food and recipes normally with others. I love cooking and planning to bake for chag and occasions even though it takes a lot of energy. I don't think that my ed affects my mood but im sure others would say that it does. I'm not a moody person and tend to hold a lot of my emotions inside that when I finally lose my cool it can feel like an erruption but I don't think that it is my eating disorder but rather my nature. It could be said that if I ate more many this nature of mine would change but thats my personality even as a kid so who really knows.

amother

Thu, Feb 01 2024, 6:11 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

How do you feel about people like me? How do you relate/ perceive them?
Super extremely skinny but for genetic reasons. I eat plenty I just don’t retain fat.

I probably watch you too closely to the point where it is socially off and wonder if you also have an eating disorder but are choosing to put on a great show to hide it. Yes I have jealousy but it is not active thoughts impacting most of my life but I can still identify that feeling. If I could choose your life I still would not be happy and feel empty because my ed is about control and behaviors not only body image. If I was suddenly skinny with no effort I would not know what to do with my self and keep at my eating disorder anyways.