I don’t like having their friends over

Chayalle

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 10:11 am

amother Latte wrote:

No, that's not what she said!

She said she wishes her boys would go play elsewhere with other kids half the time which leaves her with the other half.

Yes, she explained herself.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 10:12 am

amother OP wrote:

What if the most chutzpadig and obnoxious kid of the bunch lives right next door? How exactly would I manage that?

I wouldn’t let my kids play with those kids. I don’t want that influence or to deal with that rudeness. Not at my house or theirs.

amother

Poppy

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 1:51 pm

When my kids were pre-teen (9 and up), I actually preferred the boys over at my house. I liked to see who my kids were with, see what they were doing, and monitor their behavior. I can't say I loved when they got wild, but I wasn't afraid to send them home when it got too wild. My boys picked up on it and sometime sent their friends home on their own when it got too leibedik.

Now years later, they are post high school. Their old friends stop me on the street, shul, etc when they see me to say hello, ask about my son (they're in yeshivos in different cities) and ask about the family. They remembered being welcome in my home.

amother

Cognac

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 3:10 pm

OP - this was me a few years ago. My 2 big boys are teens at this point but when they were younger everyone came here. I remember some shabbosim looking jealously at my neighbor's house and seeing how quiet it was (she had 2 little girls).
I found a few things extra difficult:
Firstly was that some kids were brought by their parents. I have no problem telling a boy that it was not a good time now but when brought by a parent, I had a harder time saying that (especially when the mother stayed to socialize but didn't necessarily stop wild, messy behavior).
Secondly, not every boy listens when you say it's time to go home. We had boys who literally refused to leave when we asked them to. This made things so much harder.
At this point, with my younger half of the family I've learnt how to handle a thing or 2. My Shabbosim just pan out differently and are generally calmer

amother

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 3:15 pm

So one mom tries hard to have her son invite mine to her home but he does that and then they pop back over to me after 20 min. Not sure why! Maybe her son needs to get out and my son doesn’t care where he plays as long as he’s with a friend.

The neighbor- my son never initiates. He always knocks on our door. Not sure how I can consistently turn him away…

I do already say shoes at the door and no jumping on the couch but they need constant reminders and it’s exhausting

Anyway this post is helpful bec I see I’m not alone in feeling this way and knowing that my feelings aren’t strange is helpful

amother

Heather

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 3:18 pm

I absolutely love when my kid’s friends are over. I get so much nachas from hearing and seeing them interact and have a good time.
I guess kids can feel that because my house is constantly the headquarters.
I admit I have a fun house. I don’t restrict a lot.

Crookshanks

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 5:26 pm

I would stop serving the friends Shabbos party. Tell your sons that they only get Shabbos party when the friends are gone. Make your house a (somewhat) less desirable place to be.

amother

Carnation

Wed, Feb 07 2024, 11:19 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’d just keep turning the kid away. In fact that’s what I did. I only allowed the kid over every few weeks. Because my kid was unavailable the other boy moved on to other friends.

Bet this particular kid is riling up the other boys and you’ll have much better behavior if he’s not around.