S/o locking their door

amother

Moccasin

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:34 am

amother Copper wrote:

Imagine their perspective in the middle of the night.

You have a nightmare and you try to leave the room only to find that you are trapped! It's silent outside the door and you are afraid.

I would not do this. Rather lock your bedroom door

Yes and no. When we started keeping the door closed (not locked but toddler cannot open it) my toddler started actually sleeping through the night. Maybe it's the light or something coming in from appliances and various rooms that have some light, I have no idea.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 1:37 am

I am very claustrophobic and can’t lock doors very easily. I can lock the door to my bedroom because I have a porch that it leads to. I was actually locked in a closet when I was a kid by a babysitter. It was probably not for very long. But the trauma that I have now is on such a high level that I cannot imagine any parent choosing to do this. You have no idea what you were sitting your child at four in the future. I have spent thousands of dollars on therapy and nothing seems to help. It’s getting worse with age and for context I am close to 50 years old. I think it’s one of the cruelest things you can do is locking a child in a room. I don’t understand how anyone could possibly think this is not abusive. I do not wish my paint on anybody else. You cannot imagine how it controls my life.

amother

Bone

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 2:06 am

I discussed just this issue with my therapist a while back. I was feeling super guilty about it.
But my 2.5 year old would get out of bed in the middle of the night and instead of falling back asleep, he'd go out of his room and wreak absolute havoc. It was giving me the most awful anxiety, I couldn't fall asleep at night knowing what I would be facing in the morning (or wake up to in the middle of the night). I was also a bit worried about his safety - not being supervised for a large chunk while he wandered around an empty house on his own in the night.

But I felt like locking him in his room was brodering on abusive, I didn't want him to be scared, claustraphobic etc. (The door was closed btw, he could reach the handle). My therapist didn't feel it was abusive; it was a safety measure, like keeping a child out of the kitchen when there's a hot oven on or watever- it's not keeping him in his room, it's keeping him out of the rest of the house for his own safety (and my mental health). She also asked why it's any different than keeping a baby in a crib - they also can't get out...

He was old enough that I could talk to him. I would explain to him every night, "Mommy has to lock the door because it's not safe for you to be up in the night by yourself. When you wake up, try to fall back asleep." It took only a few nights and he eventually got out of the habit of waking up, since there was nothing exciting to wake up for.
Once he was old enough to not do crazy stuff I stopped locking the door. It's not a great feeling but sometimes it might be necessary.

amother

Vanilla

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:21 am

amother Bone wrote:

This. If my three year old wandered the house in middle of the night by herself, I would be very concerned for her safety. I use a door knob cover so she cannot leave her room alone. (She does share a room with her sister so she isn't lonely.) And the wall of her room borders mine so I hear if she's crying.

amother

Whitesmoke

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:44 am

Mom of ASD kids here. When I had my first and I heard of other parents doing this, I was horrified and thought I would never do such a thing. Then I had an autistic toddler who had no concept of safety, could climb to who knows where, had problem solving skills of a genius, and no concept of looking for parents and I felt I had no other choice.

For my child’s safety, I would lock the door at night so I could sleep. I did have concerns about the fire hazard but my rationale was that a chance of a fire safety hazard happening once in a blue moon vs the chance of a hazard from him wandering in the night unsupervised nightly.

He learnt how to knock when he was awake and I would come open the door right away. I did this for about a year and half until he learned the concept of staying in bed and calling for mommy. He now is able to sleep with his door open at night and calls out to me when he needs.

I am using this method now with my second ASD child too. The way I see it for the child is that it’s the same as a crib but for a toddler who climbs out of the crib.

amother

Teal

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 9:53 am

jd1212 wrote:

A room with a closed door takes about 8 minutes to burn down, while a room with an open door is under 2 minutes. Fire doors are always closed in public buildings. The time difference gives more time to rescue someone from a room chas v’shalom.

This is true, and yet locking it from the outside at night is still not recommended. If CH"V the fire were in the room, the kids would be locked in. Door closed is recommended, but not locking from the outside.

amother

Viola

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:10 am

amother Bone wrote:

You are talking about a safety issue where the child could get very hurt by being alone in the house. (I’m not saying there may be other options to explore. It’s not something I’ve had to deal with thank G-d).
But
The OP is talking about locking her kids in because she doesn’t want them coming in to her bed at night.
Very different reasons.

OP I think that’s scary and mean to lock them in. Imagine you being in their position. How would you feel? I’d feel helpless, trapped and so so angry at the person who locked me in.

amother

Darkblue

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:14 am

amother Bone wrote:

What about a baby gate at the door of his room & at the door of the kitchen?

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:17 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

A CLOSED door is safer in a fire, because then it takes that much longer for the fire to get into the bedroom. Being locked in a room when you can’t open the door is NOT safe in a fire.

I believe the idea is that the door would stay closed and also that the kid wouldn’t try to leave and then get lost in the smoke. This is assuming we’re talking about a 2-3 year old, who would have no idea about fire safety...

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 10:24 am

amother Viola wrote:

People keep saying that, but that’s putting adult feelings on kids. Do they actually feel helpless and trapped? I don’t think all kids would.

I know my toddlers used to get themselves stuck in bathrooms and bedrooms all the time when they closed the doors and couldn’t get it open. Maybe it’s different because they did it themselves, but they never seemed too disturbed by it.

It’s also very different to be locked in your bedroom with a nightlight and toys than to be locked in a small dark closet.

I mean, I don’t think it’s ideal to lock kids in their room, but I also don’t think it’s necessarily abusive.

Ema of 5

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:38 am

amother Pearl wrote:

Yes, that too, but a locked door is very dangerous in a fire, especially when you are not able to unlock it because it’s locked from the outside.

amother

DarkViolet

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 12:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

I appreciate everyone's replies.

For context:
Our apartment is tiny that I even hear when they move in bed... So I'm not worried I won't hear them if they need me or something happens.

I think the reason why we lock their door is because if they wake up before we go to bed, I can't have them wandering around... Also, it's easier to get them back into bed if they're still in their room. Once they leave they never want to go back in.

It’s abusive. My parents did that and I’m still traumatized. Don’t do it.