Purim as a divorcee- how to have a happy day

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:19 am

So everyone talks about how purim is fun and all their parties, and I only have my kids for part of the day, and I feel like purim is made for families. I find it to be depressing and kind of lonely . There is a meal for divorces at night but I never have a lively part to go by day. My parents party is dead. Any advice?

amother

Caramel

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:31 am

Do you have the possibility of throwing yourself into some kind of chessed? There's something energizing about giving, and if you can hook up with a chessed group then you'll be surrounded by others with that positive spirit as well. You'll probably also meet people you can relate with because who else is available to volunteer on Purim day.

amother

Pink

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:39 am

So I know this will help you or not, but the majority of people I know don't have exciting parties. They go to a seudah and try and make the best of it.

Of course, it's not something to brag about. But don't feel like you're the only one. Most people have a pretty anticlimatic Purim and that's okay. The people who have a really crazy time are the ones telling everyone and talking about it all the time.

amother

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 9:56 am

amother Pink wrote:

This is very helpful thank you!

amother

Narcissus

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:09 am

Purim is the one day I absolutely dread and I’m happily married.

I plan on having a happy day this year by staying put. No sitting in traffic. No feeling pressured to go to the “must go” people. If it’s really important they’ll come to me. No seeing people throw up.
My kids will get dressed up go to some neighbors and then we’ll be happy at home.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:13 am

I'm not a divorcee, but if it makes you feel better, my purim miserable. Possibly the worst day of the year. My teenage boys are AWOL and I have no idea what they get into, but I have no control over them. I go to the big "fun" meal where I get to watch 30 men be completely out of control drunk. I have to spend a couple of hours baking for this meal that I sit and I'm just miserable at, because complete chaos is not fun for me as an adult. Can't sleep for two nights worrying about my sons and my husband is half drunk and not sufficiently supportive in this area. My boys will do what all their yeshiva peers do and I am powerless in the face of such peer pressure, especially when it's instigated by the rebbeim and roshei yeshiva. The only tiny tiny silver light in this whole disaster is that once, when my son was drunk, he hugged me and told me I was the best mother ever. Something he had never said before and didn't even know he thought. Otherwise, nothing makes me feel more of a miserable failure as a mother than Purim.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:16 am

To me, when my kids were young, Purim was one of the most stressful days. Never thought it was fun. There is the traffic and the social pressure. Both are awful.

Currently, due to SIF my family is VERY small. I don’t have kids home or grandkids yet. B”H I have a wonderful DH, but he usually needs to work Purim. I don’t have many MM to deliver or a party to go to. I usually go to megillah at the NH-stay and visit with the residents, and then deliver MM for Project Ezra and for Friendship Circle. It keeps me busy and makes my day meaningful.

amother

Mintgreen

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:29 am

Do you have children?
Purim is about the kids. There is nothing happier or better about my purim because I'm married. On the contrary Purim is often very trying on our sholom bayis.
Being alone with no children can be hard.
It is a myth that Purim is this exciting day for grow ups. Most people aren't having awesome parties.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 10:58 am

amother OP wrote:

I have kids bh and do have them some of the time . But even when I have them, I feel the broken family more .

I'm sorry for hijacking your thread with my own tale of woe. Was just trying to show that not everybody has a happy day. I think it's all perspective. If you can enjoy the time you have with them and not think about how great it is for everyone else, I bet you'd enjoy it more. Especially knowing that lots of people have their "pekelach" as well. And for the part of the day that they are not with you, can you try to reframe it as an opportunity to spend your day saying tehillim or such?

Princess23

Mon, Feb 26 2024, 11:07 am

amother OP wrote:

Last year I was so depressed that I didn’t have kids yet that I went out to eat on Purim! I got myself a nice large steak and then few days later found out I was expecting after a year and a half of trying bh! Maybe go out to eat with your kids and get something nice?

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Very true, assuming your like the way I was last year, I didn’t even want to go to the Purim party at Shul because it was full of kids. I said I can’t have any, so didn’t want to go. This year I’m probably not spending it with my baby unfortunately. I’ve chosen to go out of town to a place with lots of great parties, but I look forward to seeing pictures of her in her costume! So, I’m saddened I’m not spending Purim with my baby, but excited to be visiting friends and having parties and stuff. You should check out atime (if you haven’t already, they have parties for only pif). Bh I no longer qualify, but highly suggest.