Asd husband asd child

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)

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amother

Sat, Mar 02 2024, 10:33 pm

My husband has undiagnosed asd. We don't have a real emotional connection barely technical. I have and still struggle with accepting him the way he is though he has truly amazing qualities being his spouse is a challenge I'm going through alone.
My dc preschool doing great in school just similar streaks of my husbands asd. Socially not great Blak and white thinking rigidNess .... I'm starting to feel bad for his partner in life and sad that he will look like my husband as an adult....

amother

Beige

Mon, Mar 04 2024, 3:09 am

It's too early to see how a preschooler will be when they grow up, with or without ASD.
You do your part, take him to therapies, work with the school, help with social skills and Hashem does the rest.

amother

Freesia

Tue, Mar 05 2024, 3:29 pm

I feel your sadness, except that I'm divorced from my undiagnosed ASD husband and worrying about my teenage ASD son who is very difficult to live with (understatement).

amother

Marigold

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:26 am

I’m worried my husband and son have this too. I have no emotional connection to my spouse. He is an amazing provider, hard worker, helps a ton in the house but is extremely rigid and can’t be flexible ever. Very black and white thinking. Can’t connect emotionally at all.
I would like to bring this up to him but I fear he’ll be really hurt. Any ideas how to move forward? Who to talk to regarding asd?

amother

Steel

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:30 am

You will do him the biggest favor by getting him the help he needs now as a child. Singed as a Mom of an ASD child. I worry all the time about his future.

amother

Marigold

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:40 am

Yes how can I get him evaluated?
And how to bring it up to my husband who I suspect has it?

amother

Violet

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:45 am

Get ds help as soon as possible that will help a lot in the long run.

amother

Crocus

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:46 am

For your child 100% do all you can to help him.
But for your husband, what good will it be to bring it up? Meaning even if he were to acknowledge he has it what can practically be done for him to improve like meds or therapies didn’t he outgrow some of it already?
I’m not trying to discourage you Gd forbid, I’m just saying if you are nervous he wouldn’t take it well maybe it’s not a benefit to bring up about him either, just your son and leave his issues out of it.

amother

Kiwi

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 10:50 am

amother Freesia wrote:

I feel your sadness, except that I'm divorced from my undiagnosed ASD husband and worrying about my teenage ASD son who is very difficult to live with (understatement).

Same here

amother

Peach

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 11:03 am

Living with an ASD family member is hell. It's so difficult.

Try to get him help so that he will be a functioning adult.

Also, not all ASD people are cut out for marriage. Sometimes, this is the reality. I know my family member will destroy his wife's and kids' lives. Hope he never marries. He got a lot of help but it is what it is.

amother

Eggshell

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 11:05 am

If your dh is the reading type, I would go ahead and pursue for my kid and get some short books and print some articles/ checklists and just leave them out. Mine read them on his own time and came to the conclusion that it was possible on his own and mentioned it to me las his own idea. I made sure that I had something about highly intelligent successful asd adults.

We wary that you may get pushback,even without dh realizing, about trying to fix behaviors in your kid that your dh has and doesn't see as a problem. Or he may completely separate them, correct the kid and refuse to correct himself.

amother

Seashell

Thu, Apr 11 2024, 11:20 am

Hi OP,
This is me.
My husband is very difficult. I think he is diagnosed ASD but just doesn't discuss it with me.
He has adhd as well. Living with him is extremely difficult, and I think of him as though a special needs child that I have to be nice to.
I can not rely on him for anything- not emotional and not practical.
He is a nice person and he can help, but it's not consistent. I have to be grateful if he reads a book to the kids, but can't expect it.

Anyway, my oldest has always made me feel like he has similar issues, but everyone told me he is great etc. But I saw signs.
Now a little older and things that were acceptable as a 3/4/5 year old are no longer considered normal and now they are getting worse not better.
My pediatrician agreed now that most like hfasd.
I can't even repeat this to my husband he will yell at me for lableing him.
But I know that I will go ahead and try my best to get him help.
He is a great kid, and I think he can make progress with the right help.

I don't want to bury my head. THen he will turn out like his father who is NOT a marriageable material tbh.

I just don't really know where to start.
She recommended a child neurologist, but the appointments are months away.

I'd appreciate advice and chizuk!

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