Appropriate reaction - teen car accident

amother

Gardenia

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:03 pm

New drivers get into accidents. We just give the kid love make sure they are okay, not shaken up, tell them its normal as a new driver, these things can happen, its okay, he will get better at it and make sure they aren't nervous to get behind the wheel again preferably right away. Yes, even in my brand new car. Btdt.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:13 pm

Ok OP it seems like were missing some info

Was it actually no fault or did your child hit something? Hitting something wouldnt be a no fault accident, that only applies to accidents where there is actually no fault (nothing to do with hitting another car). If he did hit something, was it from recklessness or just a complete accident like he was oblivious to something? These details make a difference, if you want accurate opinions here..

amother

Sienna

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:14 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

I’ve also btdt and I very much regret that there were no consequences. Once things died down I should have had a head on my shoulders and realized that the only message my teen got was that it’s okay to walk away from damaging something expensive that doesn’t belong to you as long as it isn’t your fault. She should have been responsible for some of the damage, or at least for the increase in insurance payments. Something that will teach her to value others’ belongings, especially a car, which is a PRIVILEGE to drive, and should be treated as such.
Good luck moving forward if there are zero consequences. Don’t be upset later when the teen shrugs off scratches and dents on your car “as long as he is okay.” Yes, accidents happen. But there should definitely be some accountability. A person should bear the responsibility of their actions, even their accidents. Not instilling that value in your child is foolish and will come back to bite you or the child later. I speak from this exact experience.

yOungM0mmy

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:16 pm

Soon after I passed, I left the car in gear, and hit a wall as I restarted the car. My father told me that when he started driving, he hit a pole going through a narrow space, and his father told him that everyone has to make a mistake once, and now you won't do it again. And that was the end, and I never have done that again, in fact didn't have an accident that was my fault for over 20 years.
It's a car, and everyone has to make mistakes. But if it's a few incidents of reckless driving, then it may be time for some consequences and more practice.

amother

Moccasin

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:17 pm

If your child is at fault, this is a good lesson of responsibility. It doesn't have to be done in an angry or upset way. Just be matter of fact. You damaged the vehicle so you will need to do xyz to make up for it.

Children need to learn responsibility for their actions. It's not a punishment. It's a consequence.

If it was not out of recklessness, then maybe this is a warning to be more careful.

amother

Gardenia

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:20 pm

amother Sienna wrote:

Then it really comes down to knowing your particular teen and their emotional disposition.

amother

Whitesmoke

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:23 pm

amother Skyblue wrote:

I think what I'm gathering is that there is some measure of irresponsibility on the teenager's part since this is a recurring issue.
If you are old enough to drive, you also are old enough to take ownership of your driving. I would sit down with my teen over ice cream and say that what's going on now isn't safe. We can't have our car getting ruined this often and chv the next time could be worse. What can we do? Maybe your teen needs to take a break from night time driving or take a defensive driving course or not drive certain friends because they are a distraction. Brainstorm together with the perspective of working together to keep everyone safe.

I did not think OP meant the recurring accidents were all caused by the teen. I gathered that they (OP and her DH) had been getting into accidents recently which is why they are avoiding going through insurance.

OP can you clarify?

amother

Milk

Sun, Mar 10 2024, 5:29 pm

Ds sideswiped a double parked truck a week after he got his license. Dh wanted ds to pay and lectured for a week straight. He also hasn’t let ds drive again. I told dh that he’s more at fault than ds is since ds didn’t feel comfortable driving on busy streets and begged dh to go with him just in case ds needs help. Luckily the insurance covered it, but dh and I argued for a while.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not sure if no fault is the right terminology. Not sure exactly what happened, I think he backed into something but there was no other car involved.

My DH is a worst case kinda guy and doesn’t realize how damaging his reaction is to this situation.

So hard to be caught in the middle of it.

The problem isnt the money or the teen or the accident, its your fear of your dh's reaction.
You def have to find the right time to reveal the accident, what happened, what was done, your teens part in taking responsibility for his actions.
Can you do it as a fait accomplis?
Better would be to coach your teen to talk to his father. Something like this.
Dad, I want to share with you something that happened. I want to prepare you that you wont like it but Baruch Hashem I `am ok and am dealing with everything. Last week I misjudged while backing the car into a ____, and bumped into a ___. No other car was involved and I am taking responsibility for the accident. I know I need to be more careful and learn the lesson.
I appreciate your understanding.

amother

Jasmine

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:33 pm

yOungM0mmy wrote:

I had to read the bolded a few times lol, you realize what it sounds like Very Happy

professor

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 12:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Hi
I am looking for some feedback, on what is a normal reaction for a parent to have when their teenager was in a no fault accident with a brand new car. Unfortunately we’ve been having a lot of bad “luck” lately and had a slew of no fault accidents, so don’t want to go through insurance again.

I need to be the go between between my spouse and child and just want to get some feedback on what’s a normal reaction and best way to handle all the big emotions

Do you make your child, who doesn’t have a job, pay back some of the costs? Do you have consequences? How does the conversation realistically go in your house?

My daughter had a small accident. It was kind of her fault. I told her no big deal. Thing happen. She's a new driver. Doesn't get much chances to practice driving because she doesn't have her own car. I'd never damage her confidence over a small scratch on a car

amother

Topaz

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 1:52 pm

I only passed my driving test after I was married. First week I'm driving the car, I bump it as I turn the corner too wide. Dh was so calm and shrugged it off. I think I was more upset than he was.
Accidents happen to even the most experienced drivers. But even more so to someone new to driving. And the only way to really get better is to keep driving and practising.