Need advice | Imamother

amother

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 10:54 pm

Hi,
I have a 5 year old son who is struggling. In turn, we are struggling. The hardest time for me is the time from when he gets home from school until his older brother comes home. For that hour, his baby sister- 20 months is home and around. He is basically moving from one dysregulated state to the next, hurting his baby sister, and generally causing destruction.
Things usually improve once his brother gets home. They aren't perfect then either but it's not moving from putting out one fire to the next.

For example, today I had an activity set up for him and offered him a snack when he came home. He refused the snack, played with the activity for around 10 minutes- which was a big win, and then spilled lots of water (activity involved water). When I went to clean it up, he tried to make a bigger mess. Moved on to hurting baby sister, tried to give him different activity. He kept refusing other activities, hurting baby sister, and complaining what should I do. In between, I had to restrain him from hurting baby sister/ put him in his room 2 times because of how unsafe he was being. This was done calmly. I wish I didn't need to do it but he is very big and strong and when he is riled up and aggressive it's too hard for me to keep myself and the baby safe.

He recently started floortime therapy. He is so cute and intelligent but I am walking on eggshells with him so often.

I feel like I need an extra pair of hands at that time, but don't know where to turn. Are there any organizations that can help me? I'm based in greater lakewood area. A chesed girl would be helpful but I don't know how to go about that, or if I am even eligible for one. I also want to get out of this pattern. It's not always so bad but in general the transition between school and home is difficult for him

Thanks for listening

mummiedearest

Mon, Mar 11 2024, 11:21 pm

Rather than have an activity set up for him, why not take him for a walk? But the baby in a stroller and get outside. You can do this in any weather. If it’s nice out, consider having him use a scooter or skates. If it’s raining, get some rain boots and umbrellas and take him puddle stomping. Have towels ready at the door. Do this daily. He’ll look forward to special time with you and his sister. You can talk about his day and really focus on him. If there’s a park nearby,make use of it. Collect leaves and acorns, build snowmen, get creative.

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 12:02 am

Just got on here to check replies.
Thank you so much all for your replies!!
I'm not sure how to quote text

@mummiedearest- that's great advice! It's been cold but now it's warming up. I'm going to try to go outside more. Only thing is, baby won't go in the stroller, so I have to keep a close eye on her, but he will definitely be better behaved and less likely to hurt her outside. I'm going to make an effort to do that.

to the amother who asked about how he comes home from school- he comes home very dysregulated. He goes in a carpool. I don't do afternoons, just mornings. I was actually saying to my husband that maybe we should trial picking him up from school instead of sending him in carpool. Maybe something about the afternoon carpool sets him off so you may be onto something

Regarding Chana Laniado- Yahalom, I have heard of them but I thought it's for parents of children with special needs. My son is in a regular classroom and doesn't have a diagnosis. Could they maybe still help me? I would never want to take help that is meant for other families/ take advantage of the system? My child is very challenging and although my husband and I talk about it privately- that we feel like we have a child with special needs, he doesn't have a diagnosis...

Thank you all for coming here and strengthening me

amother

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 3:35 pm

amother pear, I've always thought he could possibly be on the spectrum but he would be very high functioning. He doesn't seem to have trouble in the areas I thought are classically associated w ASD- communication, self-stim behaviors (unless I just don't notice these).

He is however, a very black and white thinker, can be very rigid, and has a hard time with transitions.
He actually was evaluated by a neuropsych because I was trying to get him services but it was done virtually and was not comprehensive in my opnion. I could revisit, but now I'm wondering what would I gain from having a diagnosis?

I live in new jersey so I don't know what help I can get...

Amother pear, would you be able to describe your son a little more?

mha3484

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 3:43 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

I second this. I have a 9 year old who is very high strung and difficult and he is his best self when he is outside. Its extremally grounding for him. If he is really loosing it 10 minutes of sitting outside makes a huge difference.

amother

Pear

Wed, Mar 13 2024, 3:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

My son is also very high functioning. Most people don’t know.

He’s a bit hyper, he’s all over his sister all the time, he’s impulsive, he tantrums, he hits a lot, he’s black and white, he’s smart, he’s creative, very cheeky, misses some social cues.

He’s a lot basically.

A diagnosis so helpful Bec now I understand him better.