What to rsvp | Imamother

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 3:55 pm

Neighbor is making a wedding. I am friendly with the wife, dh says good Shabbos to the husband but doesn’t say much more than that- they never clicked. I would go and sit down, dh doesn’t feel the need to say more then Mazal tov. What do I respond on the card? If I write I’ll stay but not to set a place for dh is it just showing that dh doesn’t feel close enough to sit and stay? If we say he’s coming but he doesn’t don’t we need to write a bigger check? (We’re tight financially)

UQT

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 3:59 pm

I write my name
Mrs x will iyh attend
And on bottom mr x will come for dancing.

amother

Coral

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:05 pm

Do not say he’s attending if he isn’t planning on it. People pay per head and IMO that is stealing

Write that you’re attending, he’ll come in to say Mazel tov. Nobody will overthink why he isn’t coming, people have plenty of reasons why it doesn’t work to go to a wedding. Especially a neighbor who they aren’t close to

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:09 pm

Mazel Tov! We are so excited to be joining you in your Simcha. We will both attend IYH, but please reserve only one seat for Mrs. Karen Smith.

Last edited by ra_mom on Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:09 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Cerise

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:09 pm

Don't worry they won't be offended that he isn't coming. It's a really normal and sensible thing to do. I only started doing this recently like really why should I sit at a wedding where I don't know anyone?

amother

Aqua

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:35 pm

Just respond that you will iyh attend dinner and your husband will come say mazel tov.

The key is to let them know who is coming.
I am making a simcha , I stamped all the return cards and only got 30 responses which leaves me guessing how many people are coming. Even a regretful cant make it is appreciated.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:43 pm

Thanks everyone!

Ok now I’ll follow up with another question. I’m an introvert and not close with any other of the neighbors. So I’d rather come say Mazal tov and dance, not sit and eat. Is that acceptable or is it rude?

UQT

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:52 pm

That’s fine. Write Mr and Mrs X will iyh attend.
Star on the bottom please don’t set a seat for us.
This shows you’re acknowledging their simcha but don’t need a meal

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Totally fine.
Say looking forward to dancing with you in person, but no need to reserve seats at the meal.

amother

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:56 pm

ra_mom wrote:

Totally fine.
Say looking forward to dancing with you in person, but no need to reserve seats at the meal.

Should I make the effort to stay if I know she’s the type to appreciate it?

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 4:58 pm

amother OP wrote:

Should I make the effort to stay if I know she’s the type to appreciate it?

Not necessary. Taking the time to go, say mazel tov personally, even staying for dancing, is very meaningful.

amother

Kiwi

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 8:14 pm

I appreciated very much each and every person who came for the seudah. It meant a lot. It’s worth the discomfort.

essie14

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 10:57 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

I appreciated very much each and every person who came for the seudah. It meant a lot. It’s worth the discomfort.

I appreciated everyone who came but if someone knows they aren't going to sit down, why would I want to pay for a meal?

OP, I would write "looking forward to sharing in your simcha but no need to set a place for us"

amother

Kiwi

Sun, Mar 17 2024, 11:15 pm

Essie, I meant I appreciated everyone who came to the seudah. I’m saying she should push herself to go to the seudah (unless this family has masses of guests coming).