Gift for bday for therapist-Update on Last page

amother

Topaz

Mon, Jan 01 2024, 1:43 pm

amother OP wrote:

I do have attachment and boundary issues. We are working on that. Bh came a long way.

There were reasons I gave her stuff. In the norm timing like chanuka and purim, for appreciation, when others also give, which she said is acceptable, because some people do.

It's not that she didn't receive my gifts, it was more of her always telling me, that I shouldn't feel the need that I have to gift her, she's here for me regardless.

Once it was after we had something between us, which I was upset at her, and didn't know her standing, so I got her miniatures for shavuos so she knows I'm not upset at her, it was sort of also like bribe for her to intervene on my behalf....

The dinner....
Once I had a real late appt, and she looked like she's falling apart. When I mentioned that she must be hungry and exhausted after all day, she jokingly said, you should've brought me dinner.

So another eve appt, after she said in her classes, that I attended, that in order to function optimally, and be able to handle emotions, one needs to make sure they're not hungry or tired. Next appt, I bought for myself fingers, because it was supper time, and didn't eat before session. I asked if it's OK if I can eat so I can focus, so I brought for her as well, because it's weird to eat in front of someone else and not offer them. She declined. After session I told her to take it, on her way home, because she has long commute, she said she doesn't eat such stuff so I took it.

The bolded is definitely not ok.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 9:04 am

Update did not give my therapist any type of gifting since I posted. Now I asked her about the ethics of mm at our last session.

She said for Purim, it's culturally accepted so she can accept a sm mm, sm token of appreciation till a week after Purim.

Then she messaged me, that a note is always appreciated and doesn't cause any issues. I don't need to get her anything.

I will give her a sm mm next week with note. Nothing lavish. No gifts.

Feelings for me are not same anymore. It's just neutral. Not anymore coming with desparate or overwhelming feelings. Just like any other mm.

I did share that with her, and she is happy with my growth.