Little Girls and Groggers

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:01 am

I have girls 6 and 8 that every year have been coming with me to the women's reading (both night and morning) and always feel bad they don't get to do groggers for Haman. They're too big to go with dh on the men's side and too little to go themselves to the women's side of the regular reading and I have a toddler so I really can't take them at the same time as dh.

What do others do? They don't want to go to the women's side with a neighbor. I'm considering trying to take them to the regular reading this year after Shabbos and getting them settled in seats and then maybe trying to get my toddler to sleep in the stroller so I can go in, too, or just waiting outside with my little ones until they're done. But that's a long time to hang out outside shul.

In the morning, if dh went to neitz maybe I could go to regular with them while dh watches little ones. But dh has a tough time going so early. Could be I could get the girls up early and do neitz with them, but that sounds like it will lead to a difficult, exhausting day. What do others do with girls this age? Seems like such a shame for them to get to go to the main reading when they're older and don't really care about the groggers anymore.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:19 am

DrMom wrote:

There are no groggers in the women's reading?

Can the toddlers go with your DH to the men's side for one of the readings?

Nope, no groggers at the women's reading. A couple of women stomp their feet for half a second but that's it. And I'm not worried about the toddler. She's not big enough to notice or care. The 6 and 8 year olds are my real concern.

DrMom

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Right, but you said the reason you don't go to the main reading is that you keep your toddler in the stroller. If your toddler can go with your DH, you can go with your order girls to the women's section of the main reading.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:45 am

DrMom wrote:

Ohh I hear. I actually asked dh if dd6 could go with him for the experience, but he wasn't a fan of that idea. So that's why I misunderstood you. My toddler just turned 2. So she could go with dh in terms of being a baby, but I didn't think a 2 yo at a megillah reading was fair to others who want to hear. That's why I would only stay inside if she were asleep. Am I being more strict than most in terms of allowable possible noise and shushes? In the women's reading it's pretty much silent and even a sneeze gets looks. Is the main reading more flexible? (I thought not and that's why they have the women's reading.) Dd2 can be quiet, but she can also say "Look, Mommy" many times until I acknowledge whatever it is. And then do it again and again. Really doesn't seem compatible with megillah.

Elfrida

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:53 am

Children that age deserve to be able to go to the main reading, show off their costumes, and have fun making a noise.

One option is to take them to the main reading and have someone there keep an eye in them while you wait outside in case they need to come out. Is there a hall pr lobby area where you could wait?

Another option might be to find a babysitter for your toddler, and ho to shul with them. This might even work with another mother, and you could reciprocate by looking after her baby/toddler while she goes to a women's reading later on.

How many readings does your shul have? Or maybe your husband can go to an early reading at another shul which doesn't gave to be as early as neitz.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 4:59 am

Elfrida wrote:

Those are good ideas, thank you! I'm going to see what other people with little ones are doing and try to coordinate something. I agree, they do deserve to go to the main reading. The women's one is so boring!!

Elfrida

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 5:06 am

salt wrote:

We do groggers in the women's reading too. Maybe not as long and drawn out as in the main minyan, but some kind of noise. Never been at a reading where there's no noise at all on Haman.

I try to go to one with and one without noise. I like being able to appreciate the flow and drama of the story without constant interruptions, but I don't want to give up entirely on מחיקת עמלק.

bakingmom

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 5:56 am

If your girls are big enough that you can be sure they can sit through the whole megilla, can you find a lady who is going to shul to sit with them and keep an eye on them? A teenager you know, or a friends mom?

When we were teenagers a family we knew asked us to help their girls in shul - the mom was home with the babies and the girls were too big to go in to the mens, but they were not quite ready to go by themselves to shul.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 6:40 am

bakingmom wrote:

Right, that's my situation exactly. And I told them the teenager next door would probably be happy to sit with them, but they want to be with me. I'm thinking staying outside with my 2yo is the best idea, both in the morning and the night readings. Then my big girls can listen and not feel alone and I'll go to the women's reading myself after. It's just annoying to add more on to such a busy day.

I'm trying to get better at doing other things in advance this year so hopefully it won't be as hectic as usual. I realized my dh has to be with my 10 yo son, too, so having him go to neitz is just as difficult as me taking the girls then. And I don't know who would be interested in babysitting when everyone has their own stuff going on that day.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 6:43 am

amother Diamond wrote:

Give your toddler a screen either with headphones or silent and go with all the kids to the regular Leining

Also is my community the only one who has family readings ?

I don't really have a screen to give her. But even if I did, can I really trust that she won't just scream "Look Mommy!" at any random time? I went to family readings as a kid I think. But here that doesn't seem to exist.

amother

Wed, Mar 20 2024, 9:11 pm

gingleale wrote:

Can your husband go to a later reading so you can take the girls to the main one? Your 10 year old should be ok sitting with friends at the main reading or going later with DH.

That would work well but there is no later reading AFAIK. There is after Shabbos in shul and an hour and a half later at the rav's house for women. That's it.

In the morning there are more minyanim but it would be difficult for me to get to one with the girls and be back in time (to watch my toddler) for dh to get to Shacharis and then megillah. I guess for him to go to an earlier minyan would be easier because then at least I don't need to get to the beginning of shacharis on time. But this is really what the women's readings are meant for. They time them to work out for the dh to get home and the dw to leave. Argh it's just annoying they don't make them more fun for the girls.

mamaleh

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 1:11 pm

I took my 2 yr old and gave them a lolly (or two). Mine was mature enough to be told that we can’t talk during megilla and she had fun with the gragger (I held her hand with it so she could only shake at the right times). I gave her a (pretty small) lolly at the beginning (after reminding her to be quiet) by the time she was finished we were just about ready to gragger so I held it with her and then she got to shake it. Between anticipation & shaking she needed very little reminding to be quiet. I think with one of them I gave a second lolly at one point (again the small ones). I also use a megilla with fun pictures so she enjoyed looking at them (I had a second small one near me in case she didn’t let me turn the page).

Btw I made sure to sit near the door and was ready to leave if she started making noise.

mommyhood

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 2:02 pm

I think offering to send them with a neighbor or someone they are comfortable with it more than enough, that’s the only alternative I offer. If they don’t want that option then it’s their choice to miss out on hamans. I don’t make a big deal of it and they’re usually fine with the quiet one and shaking the grogger at home.
This year leining is very late I wouldn’t start shlepping our babies or toddlers just to accommodate a little more excitement and at least where I live it’s basically impossible to find a babysitter then.