How irresponsible is this?

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Forum -> Household Management -> Finances

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amother

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:53 pm

For the past few years I saved up money I received for chanuka, my birthday, random gifts, tips from my students etc.. Its close to $1900. I keep it in an envelope in a drawer in my room. I am the main breadwinner, DH barely brings in $1500 a month at this point in his business but hopefully things will pick up but I am not counting on that anytime soon. I work some evenings to supplement my main income. I struggled with jealousy as a kallah since I didn't receive the "typical" gifts and "only" received my ring. It was and still is hard for me when I see young marrieds with beautiful stuff. Yes I know, I am working on myself. I really want to buy myself something nice for yuntif to feel good about myself. I also just had a baby after a loss and the past 2 years were challenging between finances, infertility, miscarriage etc.

I am able to get one of two things I really like, I might need to save up a few hundred extra but I think if I hustle hard before pesach and pick up some extra tutoring I could do it.

Of course that money could easily go to my credit card bill or food. Or new outfits for my kids. BH we have food on the table, we have a roof over our heads, my kids have clothing I get from cheap stores like primark.

WWYD?

amother

Grape

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:56 pm

It’s not irresponsible
Go for it
You saved it and deserve to get something extra. 1900 is not making a dent in ur savings when you are struggling. But it will get you a piece you feel good about for life.

amother

Birch

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:58 pm

I'd go for it!
Money saved up from birthdays and gifts/tips I veiw as total extra money and I use it for extras that I'd normally never ever spend on
Enjoy!!!

amother

Buttercup

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 4:59 pm

Please buy yourself something nice, you deserve it. You're hard working & you seem very responsible.
Go for it!

amother

Begonia

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:17 pm

Nothing about you sounds irresponsible. Buy yourself something special. You've earned it. Literally.

mommy3b2c

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:18 pm

Buy yourself something nice . You sound special and you deserve it .

tichellady

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:22 pm

If you can afford it it’s not irresponsible. I don’t have a sense of whether it will stress you out or not . I don’t know if buying something will make you feel better, but you know yourself and what helps. Sending love!

amother

Brown

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:29 pm

You sound very responsible. Maybe too responsible. You deserve something too.

amother

Broom

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:39 pm

Momma you deserve it!!!!! Keep shining!

happy12

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 5:41 pm

As long as you are not paying interest on the credit card go treat yourself.

amother

Yarrow

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 6:16 pm

you have your answer Smile

amother

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:25 pm

thanks everyone, just needed the push to not feel guilty

amother

Thistle

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 7:52 pm

amother OP wrote:

Are you paying interest? Can you afford food?

If your kids have clothes that fit, family has food to eat, and you aren't taking tzeddakah then enjoy.
Your kids don't need to be in the fanciest clothing for you to be able to afford something you like. But if you are accumulating interest payments, taking tzeddakah or lacking something critical then you may want to reconsider before buying expensive jewelry.

Speaking as someone who didn't get the typical kallah gifts either. Who has been struggling with a lot and has financial difficulties too now. I get the need for pampering but I also couldn't withstand the guilt if I bought for me and we accumulated more debt from credit card payments...

amother

Tue, Mar 26 2024, 8:02 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

Yes BH we can afford food. I dont buy brisket and steak every night but my fridge is always full BH.
I have small kids at home now so I dont buy expensive stuff, I can get away with buying carters and old navy. My mother just ordered her some stuff too bh. I wanted to do a zara order but I do second guess everything I buy because of the financial constraints. I second guess everything I buy since I am the breadwinner. Although were really davening and hoping my husbands business picks up. Thats why now I am second guessing this gift. I could use it toward my CC expenses. My CC is high right now, its about $3400. I do make payments on time. Then I have money I owe DC. When I had her people gifted us with money and I put it in a separate account for her. When I was going through a health issue and DH was out of a job I "borrowed" money from her but have been paying it back. I still owe her about $2000 back.

The money I have in this envelope is all cash so I wouldnt put it on my CC. Or I might, and then just immediately pay it back so I can get points.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 4:45 am

While $3400 on Credit card is really not a lot in the grand scheme, you also "borrowed" money from DC that you still need to pay back. Debt can quickly build up.
I would pay half of your cash to paying off debt and half to a gift.

amother

Tomato

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 4:50 am

I say go for it. However, go for something gorgeous but less expensive. My husband got this for me recently and it's beautiful 😍
https://www.shopdorsey.com/pro....._ss=r

Lab grown (yes, decide for yourself if your okay with that first) and in person, looks amazing. I wear it layered with some thin necklaces too. This won't break your budget and then you still have $1,400 leftover.

amother

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 6:57 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

Ill probably just hold off on buying myself something and just continue to save money for a gift for myself. I really want something specific so I don't want to get a differnt gift, would rather just save for what I want. Maybe ill pay off 700 to my CC. Im not in a rush to pay back my daughter since shes 2. I was told I can use my maaser to pay her back, Im getting paid in 2 weeks so I'll pay her back a few hundred then. My CC is more pressing since there is interest (not so much but still).

happy7

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 7:45 am

I am in the pamper yourself group.
I think it is VITAL to buy yourself nice things. You deserve something luxurious. To save that money, you had to work super hard and long. You will eventually pay off your debts. But saving that much money, just as savings, takes years.
In past generations, there has been a concept of a “knippel”. It is a Yiddish expression specifically referring to a woman’s personal “savings/discretionary” money so she can buy something separate from the household expenses.

I have personal money in a separate bank account. Birthday money, small side jobs I have done, gifts, tips, etc.
That money is for jewelry, shaitel etc.
Don’t use your knippel for household expenses.

amother

Lightpink

Wed, Mar 27 2024, 9:25 am

I say go for it!
You seem to be very responsible and have your head on straight.
The CC and your debt to your DD can be paid back slowly in installments. Sounds like that's your plan. It's not as if you're ignoring any responsibilities.
But giving to yourself is also so important! Getting something you'd really love can make such a difference for yourself.
We scrape by each month somehow, each month I don't know how we will, but we somehow make it with a lot of siyata dishmaya. Once in a while when dh gets some extra money in an unexpected way or out of his normal job (ex he learns in a motzei shabbos kollel) then he gives me the cash and I store it away for something special. I have something specific in mind. I know I can use it for bills, for food, for clothes for us or the kids... a million things. But dh and I both think it's important that we have money saved for something special that'll just make me happy.

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