Some kids don’t thrive in a school setting

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:13 pm

Like dd. She is in younger elementary school and has been fighting me every morning since the first day of nursery. She likes freedom and cannot sit at a desk from 9-4. Its just too much. I can’t watch her struggle for the next few years like this. I am sure there are many kids like her out there. What is the solution?

ShishKabob

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:17 pm

The solution is to give her days off here and there. Keep it as an incentive to go to school and survive through it.
Hugs, this is very very not easy and difficult for a mother to watch.

However, going through the system does teach you to roll with the punches, so theres a good side to it.

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:18 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Same. She's a happy kid and would enjoy more freedom than sitting all those hours. Don't get me started on homework and tests. She'd rather play with her toys. I feel so bad that non academic kids are forced into this with no other option. It takes the light out of their childhood. Is there another option?

Tzutzie

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:19 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Our kids can be friends!
It's hard. I try to give as much freedom as possible.
Extracurriculars, Music lessons, art, gymnastics. If she needs help in school ask for it. Let the school provide and accommodate as much as possible.
Be kind.
My kid one morning just REFUSED to get out of bed. Nothing doing she wanted to know why she HAS to go.
I told her it's her responsibility at this stage in her life.
Iyh one day school will be over and then she'll have all the rest of her life to not go to school.
Since then it's a lot easier. But still hard.
She absolutely THRIVES in the summer.
Good Luck.

amother

Maize

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:19 pm

Montessori might be a better fit, if available. More moving around, more independent work, more flexibility to work on floor rather than at desk.

Montessori is still very structured in many way, it's not a free for all, but it does allow for more physical movement than the "traditional" classroom.

YMMV.

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:20 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

she would be responsible to rewrite everything she missed. I'm not sure being absent helps such a child. It just makes them fall back more.

amother

DarkCyan

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:20 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I'm not familiar with such schools where I live.

amother

Maize

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 1:43 pm

amother DarkCyan wrote:

I'm not familiar with such schools where I live.

There are not a lot of frum ones. And those that there are, may be more Montessori-style than full-on Montessori.

Netivot in NJ is one. I think Baltimore has one.

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 2:07 pm

amother Maize wrote:

Agreed. I’d definitely send to one if there was an option in my neighborhood

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:15 pm

To me, this is the greatest sacrifice I make to raise my children Frum. I don't need cheeseburgers or to work on Shabbos, but I wish I didn't have to send my children to Jewish schools.

mha3484

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:23 pm

I think its harder being a girl. I send my boys to a school that is great but they don't expect them to sit all day. Go in the hallways during class time and its not dead silent. There are boys taking a break etc. They tend to be a lot less rigid when a kid needs a movement break.

The girls hallways are dead silent. They overall expect a lot more obedience. More pathologizing.

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:35 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

To me, this is the greatest sacrifice I make to raise my children Frum. I don't need cheeseburgers or to work on Shabbos, but I wish I didn't have to send my children to Jewish schools.

This made me cry. Because I feel the same way but didn't realize until this very moment. And I'm FFB.

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:47 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

To me, this is the greatest sacrifice I make to raise my children Frum. I don't need cheeseburgers or to work on Shabbos, but I wish I didn't have to send my children to Jewish schools.

What do you mean? None jewish schools are full of lgbtq+ stuff and many other garbage. If anything Im beyond grateful for jewish school. This kid would prefer playing outside with messy hair and no shoes- a freedom type of kid

amother

Chocolate

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:50 pm

flowerpower wrote:

Which is why I would never ever send to a non jewish school. And yet, the frum schools are unable to provide certain things that would help my son thrive.

amother

Lavender

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 4:55 pm

Many years ago I knew a child like this. And he was struggling so much, and he wasn't even in a mainstream frum school.

The family ended up moving to a real hardcore settlement in Israel, and the kid started thriving. The type of place where your ability to handle farm animals was more important than to translate the Chumash.

Also not an option for me . But I wish it was.

amother

Ginger

Thu, Mar 28 2024, 5:01 pm

I feel this so much. My kids do well in school but as a therapist I work with MANY kids whose primary "issue" is that they aren't cut out for school. It breaks my heart. The non Jewish schools where I live are really no better (probably more rigid if anything) so I don't see how this comes into play at all.