Weird encounter | Imamother

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:09 am

Sorry. Apparently I have relatives on here. Need to delete.

giftedmom

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:14 am

“Im so sorry it won’t work for me” rinse and repeat. Let her try her luck with the others

amother

Azalea

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:16 am

Say something like
“It’s so wonderful you’re coming here for a vacation! I would love to spend time with you during your trip! I’m terms of the sleepover, please understand that although you will be on vacation, for the rest of us it’s going to be regular life, we can’t leave our families and jobs during this time. So unfortunately I would not be able to attend but would still love to see you and hang out. What works for you, me coming to have lunch with you one day or coming to my house one night for supper?”

amother

Slateblue

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:20 am

That's ridiculous!! To leave your family for a sleepover you don't want to have Surprised

amother

Jean

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:23 am

Ummm... Yea, I wouldn't leave my family for a sleepover either. Those days are long over.
Her response was very gaslight-ish too.
Rinse and repeat, like others said. The answer is no sleepover but would love to meet up during the day.

amother

Holly

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:35 am

Calling it a sleepover is a juvenile term but it’s not so far fetched for female relatives to get together for a short vacation.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 9:48 am

....

mummiedearest

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 10:00 am

“People do make time for what is important, yes. I’m making time to come see you. Are you able to meet with me one on one?”

amother

Maize

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 10:09 am

amother Azalea wrote:

Def this resonates with me. Like the previous post "'I'm sorry, but...'" rinse repeat", I'm big on boundaries & not needing to offer personal reasons why.

But - since this person sounds like they're coming from a quite unusual, strange sense of norms & boundaries perspective, while I'd find it difficult, I'd try to be assertive, yet as warm & as kind as possible with adding a little bit of not too personal explanation.

It's not easy, & who know why their radar is off, what they've been through perhaps? It's odd of someone to ask this, & it's similarly odd to push it, when the suggestion was already politely declined.

Sometimes I find that when dealing with someone who's boundaries are askew, & even inappropriate, I can at least offer a warm modeling of boundaries. But I try to let of my own internal annoyance & possibly being triggered, & to find compassion for them if I can in the process.

amother

Impatiens

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 10:11 am

She really seems out to lunch.

It's one thing to suggest it, another thing to go on about making time for important things.
Your original answer was perfect, that you'd love to meet up for lunch. That's called making time.

I would respond again that taking a night away is not realistic right now, but that you'd still love to see her. If she doesn't get it, oh well.

Highstrung

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 10:15 am

Sleepover is a weird term to use . I do enjoy an all female overnight vacation for a day or two with some family members once every few years . But it’s totally understandable when some can’t join , based on all the technicalities and “politics” some people have.
The respectful thing would be for her to let you know about it and you let her know that it won’t work for you. End of story . If she makes a snide comment or becomes pushy , that’s a sign in itself that she doesn’t respect your boundaries and you need to maintain even stronger ones with her .

octopus

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:05 am

I refuse to take this type of garbage anymore. "Yes, people prioritize what is important to them, true. I'm not at the stage, yet, where I can prioritize myself and have a fun sleepover. I have very young children, and it's not something I can do for myself or for others. Looking forward to this type of thing in 20 years. For now I can prioritize lunch. Let's get together, what works for you?"

Nice but still not taking the load of garbage she's dumping on you.

amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:16 am

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amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:21 am

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