How do you handle your son’s bris?? The crying…

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amother

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:46 am

I am married not pregnant yet. I attended a bris today and hearing the baby cry hurt my heart. I of course would want my son to have a bris and I really hope to have a son one day. But how do moms handle it? Do they send the mother out of the room? How fast does the baby recover? I need some reassurance!

daredevil

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:58 am

It's a very emotional time for the mother. But the mohel told me that the babies stop crying right afterwards they're no longer in pain.

imaima

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 11:58 am

amother OP wrote:

You can cry too.
Or not.
You can leave the room
It’s YOUR son and your event

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:07 pm

I have 6 boys. It never got easier for me. I would sit in the back of the room and busy myself with my toddler. I once got really angry at a mohel who I felt was not gentle enough when he removed the bandage.
Think of it this way. If a child needed medical treatment, you wouldn't hesitate, as difficult as it is for both you and the child. The bris is absolutely necessary for the child's spiritual health.

Perrys

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:10 pm

My babies cried for less than a minute. It probably helps that I had a top mohel

amother

Bellflower

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:10 pm

I don't go
Chassidish style. I send the (well-fed) baby with my mom or daughter, and a bottle, and they bring baby back as soon as bris is over.

amother

Sand

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:16 pm

I hired a top mohel and my baby barely cried. I actually asked my mom did they do it yet or when is the actual bris or something like that because I couldn’t imagine it was already done and he just gave a tiny little cry for a second.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:17 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Who did you use.

I went to a nephews bris a month after my baby’s. The mohel tied the babies legs together so tight his feet were purple. I’m so happy I didn’t see that first.
My mohel didn’t tie the feet.

amother

Cornsilk

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:25 pm

honestly my son was 6 weeks at his bris and the crying for days that followed was much worse than the crying during the actual bris

amother

Cinnamon

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:25 pm

Perrys wrote:

My babies cried for less than a minute. It probably helps that I had a top mohel

Where do you live?
Who did you use?

amother

Cinnamon

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:25 pm

amother Sand wrote:

Where do you live and who did you use?

amother

Beige

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:25 pm

I don’t go

amother

Sand

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:26 pm

amother Buttercup wrote:

Someone Schwartz

amother

Blueberry

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:26 pm

Babies cry when they are undressed, so not necessarily because of the bris. After a week of changing diapers and the baby cries when changing it makes it somewhat easier to hear the crying knowing most of it is because of that.

amother

Lotus

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:32 pm

I have three boys. I don't use a mohel that ties the feet...it's horrible when they do. One son had a very late bris at two months and he didn't make a peep. He actually went from person to person afterwards. They also heal faster when they are older and we actually did a road trip with him three days later and he was fully healed.
My baby is now a few weeks old and he cried by his bris but was fine a bit afterwards and is bh fully healed.
I guess I am not so emotional as the crying doesn't bother me so much..

amother

Jetblack

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:34 pm

Babies cry for so many reasons. Diaper changes, hungry, all sorts of things. My sons hardly cried from the bris. I think it's harder on you than them.

miami85

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:52 pm

It's supposed to be an eis ratzon when the baby cries for our tefillos to be heard.

I have 3 boys and my husband reminded me "better to do it at 8 days old than for them to have to do it at 13" they cried a little but by the time I was holding them, they had stopped and I can't recall any more crying because of the bris more than any other newborn discomfort. The "bris prep" one mohel did was probably more uncomfortable for the baby than the actual bris itself.

At one when my boys were still little I was at a bris and there was an old bubby who kept saying within earshot of the young mother "Oy, Oy the poor baby"-- and I wanted to nudge her hard and say "Shut up--you're NOT helping"--but I held my composure.

That said, I have a daughter who needed heart surgery at 11 days old. It was done minimally invasively--not bigger than a pin prick. She had anesthesia due to the delicateness of the procedure--tiny vessels and valves etc., but in the aftermath she didn't need tylenol or anything for pain. The entire time I kept reminding myself "Just like a bris". Newborns are very resilient when it comes to healing. One of my other daughters was born with sharp nails and while we were still in the hospital I attempted to cut it so she wouldn't scratch herself, and I didn't realize that the skin under her nail was so high so I accidentally cut it and it was bleeding so the nurses took her to get bandaged and put bacitracin on it. I felt stupid--she wasn't my first but she was fine a few moments later, and doesn't have any lasting effects of it.

amother

Violet

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:58 pm

Both of my boys stopped crying within 3 seconds, literally.

Like I didn’t have enough time to say what I was supposed to

With my first boy I was nervous the whole pregnancy because of this same exact thing though. But I changed my perspective. The crying is hard to hear but I know it’s for a huge mitzvah and what Hashem wants us to do, so I kind of get nachas from it (though to be fair it’s too short to register). Also it’s a very special moment to daven, while the baby is crying

But I know lots of women who aren’t in the room for the actual bris, so there’s no pressure if anyone would think it’s too hard to listen to

octopus

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I cry with him. It is said that those baby tears and cries at the bris , rise straight to the Heavenly Throne and it is an opportune time to daven. So I cry and daven. And it's very emotionally draining. I do it and all the other Jewish mothers do it because Hashem said so. It's really l'shem shamayim because it's so hard!! In Europe the mothers did not go to the bris.

Last edited by octopus on Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:22 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Blush

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:21 pm

It’s never easy. Bris is good for baby but for mom the crying is excruciating.

I did once and I promised myself going forward I wouldn’t attend my son’s brisses.
The whole bris is hard on the mom. The getting ready, sanding for hours while hosting and the crying.

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