If your husband/in-laws keep more Pesach Chumros

amother

Steel

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 5:43 am

Elfrida wrote:

When talking about restaurants in Israel, you need to be careful about kitniyot, which are commonly used here. Unless you're sephardi and it isn't an issue.

I am but that’s not what I’m worried about.

amother

Petunia

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 6:18 am

amother Coral wrote:

My family has more restrictions then my husband’s..
when we’re by my parents we’re more “strict” and when by my in laws we eat whatever they eat..
I find it a bit disrespectful if you tell your parents you hold more restrictions, then them
It’s kinda like saying we are better than you..

Most women take on the minhag of their husband and his family. It's not disrespect, it's the normal way of things. It's much easier when your own parents are the stricter ones. Still, with family it's important to have shalom and consult a rav about what can be done without causing tension.

amother

Petunia

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 6:22 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

After reading this thread I totally understand why people don't mish!

I thought people who don't mish still eat by family.

Highstrung

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 6:50 am

My brother’s in laws eat gebrokts in their home and he and his wife don’t. But they still go to their in-laws for Pesach and his in-laws don’t serve any gebrokts when they are there. I think that’s really nice of them. Both sides show deep respect for each other’s minhagim and both try their best to accommodate the other so that they could all spend Pesach together .

amother

Oxfordblue

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 8:17 am

My parents pretty much stopped serving gebrochts so we should be comfortable and dh was matir neder on the keilim as per his Rav. My parents are really nice about it, it didn’t occur to them that dh would start eating gebrochts. We’ve even asked them to keep the matzo on the side of the table and not to pass over the food becaue it was getting a little hefker with all the grandchildren around amd crumbs were falling in the food or at least there was a chance they were and while they think it’s a bit extreme they do it anyways.
My parents are happy we come but I know they also enjoy when we go my in laws or stay home at this point so they can brok to their hearts content.

amother

Skyblue

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:33 pm

Gebroks is a big issue but other chumros, we eat whatever is served in that house.

My MIL goes out of her way to prepare separate dishes for the SIL who doesn't eat potato starch.

My DH doesn't eat fish but at my parents house he does. My DS refrains from eating fish at my parents house, but he doesn't like it much anyway so it's not so obvious that he's not eating it.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:36 pm

I guess I'm lucky my parents and my husband have the same chumros. I'll remember that when I'm starving and wishing my husband was more lenient Smile

amother

Steel

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 12:39 pm

My Moroccan grandparents don’t eat rice so when they come my mother wouldn’t serve it.

(Don’t be so jealous- we would spend our entire ever chag checking each grain of rice three times.)

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:09 pm

In the beginning my husband was young and immature and didn’t eat nearly anything in my parents house . The rule now is when in Rome do as the Roman’s. I’m honestly not sure what my children in law do as they keep it quiet.

amother

Slategray

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:15 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

Why young and immature? He's allowed to have his chumros even if it's different then the ones you grew up with. it all depends on how both sides deal with it.
My father still doesn't eat at my grandparents house because they eat things he doesn't, does it make him immature? Both parties understand each other and decided this is the best way for everyone.
My husband has the same minhagim as what I grew up with so that's not an issue. We're machmir on so many things that my sons in law can't be more machmir then us even if they wanted to:)

amother

Magnolia

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 3:39 pm

amother Steel wrote:

My Moroccan grandmasters don’t eat rice so when they come my mother wouldn’t serve it.

(Don’t be so jealous- we would spend our entire ever chag checking each grain of rice three times.)

Side point-
Years ago I was talking to a friend of mine and she said before Pesach she and her 5 sisters would sit down with music and check the rice. After she got married she planed a few rice dishes, her husband said are you show you want to check so much rice and she said I love checking rice.
After checking all the rice she said I hate checking rice by myself it's only fun if you do it with a crowd.

amother

Sage

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 5:39 pm

amother Petunia wrote:

I thought people who don't mish still eat by family.

Some do, some don't. I know at least one family that doesn't. If a sister or daughter married a man with a less restrictive minhag, I can see how siblings or parents might not go there. And if a woman married a man with a more restrictive minhag, I can see how her husband would not want to eat at his in-laws. I don't say I agree with this or think it's right, but I can understand the mindset.

mha3484

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 5:41 pm

An old neighbor of mine used to alternate yom tovim and I thought was really clever. She would do all of pesach at her IL's and all of Sukkos at her parents. It was a long flight to her in-laws and she didn't want to shlep everyone for 3 days and get back on the plane. I wonder if that would work for people who have a big disparity in what they eat vs their parents/in laws.

amother

Steel

Thu, Apr 18 2024, 6:08 pm

amother Magnolia wrote:

Yes, I have fond memories checking rice erev pesach with my Syrian grandfather. Never saw him do a single household chore in my life so that was funny to me Wink