My toddler broke my nose

mushkamothers

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

evaluated by who? When he’s not tantrumming he’s a sweet darling who impressed everyone with his adorable looks and sweet baby voice talking like an adult

By a trained neuropsychologist who knows what to look for, not just clap when he says his numbers.

Or an OT, for speech, get the ball rolling. You can ask your pediatrician for rec or call up Hamaspik or yeled if you're in Brooklyn.

It's not your parenting and your kid isn't a psychopath. But you both do need help.

amother

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:17 pm

He’s not aggressive to anyone else. I literally watched him getting provoked in the playground the other day. A kid pushes him and then pinched him for no reason other than being there and my son did nothing. Just came to me and asked for a hug. His teachers love him. He is an adorable and well behaved child. It’s only me that he hurts.

giftedmom

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

I psychopath would not ask for a hug, and I doubt it’s even diagnosed at such a young age. That said, something is up, either with him or your relationship. Somewhere along the line he may have gotten the message that violence will get him what he wants. OR you are his safe person to unload on. It’s possible someone is hurting him and you don’t know, or something physical is going on.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:21 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

Sounds like a psychopath. Maybe get him evaluated by a psychiatrist or child psychologist and get another opinion if they say nothing is wrong

Wow that’s extreme. At 2 he likely doesn’t understand what he is doing. It sounds like its a game to him. He definitely needs professional help but I would not call a 2 year old a psychopath

octopus

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:22 pm

I don't think ADHD is diagnosed until at least 4. Doesn't mean the symptoms aren't seen as early as 2 but op should just be aware. ASD can be diagnosed earlier. What I'm concerned about is that his punch and hitting your nose was intentional. I was envisioning a struggle with a two year old who head bopped you. It really hurts when they hit their head backwards into a nose. But this seems intentional and that is what is so concerning. You can maybe also look for a developmental pediatrician. And you can discuss your child's concerns. Another route would be a child psychologist. These are all a whole bunch of ideas that I'm throwing at you. These professionals can diagnose. The clinics that I gave you in a previous post if you decide not to go for a diagnosis you can just try to tackle what you think is the issue directly. Not everything needs a diagnosis. If the therapy works then you can just do therapy. Sometimes though you need a diagnosis to know what's really going on.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok so that is good news based on this sounds like there is something in the dynamic definitely contact a child psychologist who can guide u

octopus

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:24 pm

mushkamothers wrote:

This is a good and helpful post!

Calling op's kid a psychopath or criticizing her parenting is not helpful!

amother

Viola

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:29 pm

If he's very bright that would make sense that he would do it intentionally. He is still in a very egotistical stage.

It could be that he doesn't express his anger only at you. When he came to you it was for a hug and he didn't fight back or make an angry face. The fact that he's so good everywhere is what can be causing him to unload onto you.

I would try some healthy aggression games with him. Here are some ideas:

Make animal noises with him "what animal are you? A lion? Let me hear you sound like a lion" have him roar with all his energy

Build a tower together and have him knock it down, bulldoze it down

Have him push his hands against yours and push you out of the room

You can check out Irene Lyon or Seth Lyon kids on YouTube. She may have some info. Not sure.

Dolly Welsh

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:35 pm

Just in general, if a child hurts the parent, two bad things happen: the parent hates the child and the child feels guilty and terrified.

Terrified because he is now in a no-structure world, where anything can happen to him, and, he has made a enemy of his main protector, his parent.

Oops

Just don't allow the child to hurt you. Don't allow the child to do anything that will disgust you or make you dislike the child. Do NOT say, oh I have infinite maternal goodness and would never dislike or hate my precious child.

That is pure baloney. Do not allow any child to do anything that is truly, viscerally, unacceptable to you. That you do not like. Really do not like.

So your 'gentle' parenting did him no favors; all it did was keep him in a state of feeling guilty and scared, and then, ANGRY ABOUT FEELING GUILTY AND SCARED.

So he has really been punishing you for not disciplining him. And, his father too, who should have helped and also laid down very firm rules. G-d HIMSELF put respect your parents in the Ten Commandments and not far down the list. Right after Shabbos. Pretty important.

This has to stop right now.

Even if your husband has to take a few vacation DAYS OFF from work and shadow the kid all day, and show him what the rules are, every half hour if necessary, and it might be necessary, until this has been repaired. If your husband needs his brother to visit, that's fine too. This needs male authority.

Now those above are general ideas.

This particular kid may have who knows what issues, and professionals will be needed for that.

The Ten Commandments are not about gentle parenting. Not one of the ten is a love letter. Gd told us he loved us but not that time.

Sorry to speak strongly, OP. I hope it gets better.

groovy1224

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:44 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

Sounds like a psychopath. Maybe get him evaluated by a psychiatrist or child psychologist and get another opinion if they say nothing is wrong

Someone's been watching too much law and order Rolling Eyes

To me it sounds like OP's son is intelligent and curious, and is experimenting on his mother with whom he feels the safest. He is not yet capable of true empathy, so even though he clearly understands these actions are 'not allowed' - because he does not do these things in other environments- he doesn't understand what it means to be causing his mother pain and how hurtful it is. He just wants to see what will happen when he does them

I definitely think some professional advice would be helpful here, so OP can be taught an appropriate response to these behaviors, but geez some people need to take a seat.

amother

Ballota

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:53 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

Sounds like a psychopath. Maybe get him evaluated by a psychiatrist or child psychologist and get another opinion if they say nothing is wrong

I think this is a premature statement.

You only know of this one aspect of this two year old. Maybe he has some kind of trauma response to OP that inhibits his empathy. It cpuld be as simple as leaving baby with a babysitter that affected him. We dont know and shouldnt throw around scary diagnosis online.

I would get him evaluated.

Also, throw tomatoes but if my kid was hitting me like this to the point of breaking my nose , I would probably hit him hard enough that it hurts. Yeah yeah abuse. A couple really painful responses from mom every time he attacks her and he will stop. These situations arent normal and time out or taking away treats arent going to solve it. Make sure the tomatoes are soft please....

lilytee

Thu, May 02 2024, 8:59 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Since you asked for it..... children are children. They are a work in progress. They do not know what we know, they do not understand like we do. They don't always understand natural consequences even though it's so logical to us, grown adults!

We as their protectors and supporters should not be hurting them. We need to teach them the logic, the parts they don't understand.

We should not be the ones creating the problems. OPs child should be evaluated because he's not acting like a typical two year old, he is not a psychopath because there could be more than a few reasons why he only acts towards her in this way. Hurting him will not help the root of the issue.

amother

Ivory

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:51 pm

Of course he's not a psychopath!!!!
2 year olds are developmentally egocentric!!! That part is normal!!!

OP, does he also sometimes hug/cuddle with you? or are all of his interactions with you negative?

I have had some very very intense toddlers who later were diagnosed with adhd/emotional dysregulation.

Some of them were able to hold it together around other people/in school and be super sweet, but at home they let it out. You can't hold it together all the time when you have all that going on.

And most of them were very very advanced verbally and cognitively.

amother

Snapdragon

Thu, May 02 2024, 9:57 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

How would that help? Would that address the underlying issue? What r you teaching him? Yes you may win the battle but you will lose the war

amother

Ballota

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:11 pm

amother Snapdragon wrote:

How would that help? Would that address the underlying issue? What r you teaching him? Yes you may win the battle but you will lose the war

Um my nose wouldnt be broken for starters. I consider that a win.

Sometimes its not about the parenting aspect. Its about stopping an impossible and dangerous situation.

amother

Mulberry

Thu, May 02 2024, 10:18 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Um my nose wouldnt be broken for starters. I consider that a win.

Sometimes its not about the parenting aspect. Its about stopping an impossible and dangerous situation.

I don’t think hitting back harder in this situation would help, because it really sounds like this is a relationship problem with OP and her son.