Do you let people stay in your house when you're not there

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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Would you let guests you don't know stay in your house while you're away?

Sure

10%

[ 21 ]

Only in my guest rooms

17%

[ 35 ]

No, I'm not comfortable with it

71%

[ 142 ]

Total Votes : 198

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:16 pm

We live in a small 2 bedroom apartment and when we go away for YT, I often get requests from people to have their relatives stay in it. I feel bad saying no but honestly I'm so uncomfortable with it. I work very FT and right up until erev YT and I have little kids who are always making messes- I'd feel like I needed to get everything clean and presentable the night before we travel, when I also need to pack. My bedroom has private things (BC, lube, books etc) that I wouldn't feel comfortable having guests come across. I also just feel kind of icky/weird about having strangers sleeping in my bed? It just feels so personal. When I've mentioned the cleaning thing as an excuse sometimes people tell me that they'll come clean and change the linen but like I don't want you in my bedroom either?? Idk. I feel like many people are ok with this and it makes me feel guilty, but it's just so uncomfortable and stressful for me. If I had a big house with guest rooms and could lock up the family rooms and just lend out the guest rooms, that would be another thing. But as it is it really feels like an invasion of privacy.
Wondering if anyone else feels like I do?

amother

Saddlebrown

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:18 pm

I would not do it for so many reasons. Besides having to clean it and the privacy which is huge, people break and ruin things. It's just not worth it.

thankyou1

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:20 pm

I would never ever let any guest sleep in my bedroom. Even when I iy"h have a house with guestrooms I wouldn't want anyone staying there if I'm not home.

amother

Pink

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:24 pm

In general I dislike people staying in my house when I’m not there and have only let it under very specific circumstances. It makes me super uncomfortable .

But I would NEVER let anyone sleep in my bedroom. Do people do it? Yes. But many many people would say no to this request.

hodeez

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:25 pm

Where's the 'heeeeeeccckkk no' option?

hodeez

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:25 pm

I've only ever given up my room to my parents and inlaws

amother

Calendula

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:26 pm

you can just say the truth, I'm very uncomfortable with having people in my house when I'm not home. My friend had a guest put a towel over a lamp and almost caused a fire, the chair got singed.
Or you can say, "My husband doesn't want or let". It is totally understandable. I have a guest room, but give it only when I'm home!!

amother

Melon

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:28 pm

I wouldn't, and not just because I'd feel that I have to do an entire Pesach cleaning before they come. I would allow close relatives but not anyone else. Some of my children do allow this and I admire them for it, but it's not something I would feel comfortable doing, even though I've been the beneficiary of such hospitality.

theoneandonly

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:29 pm

I used to but had too many bad experiences, even with family members or ppl that I do know. I

amother

Babyblue

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:30 pm

People do, and it's a beautiful chesed. Unfortunately I'm not on the level yet.

amother

Bluebonnet

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:34 pm

I checked no but I would do it for my parents or other people with whom I have a very close trusting relationship which would be very few people - I.e. those people who I would leave a key for if I weren't home or who already have my keys.

shabbatiscoming

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:35 pm

Had one very bad experience. Never again.

ruchelbuckle

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:49 pm

I have done it, but only if the host can vouch for the responsibility of the guests and I would feel comfortable enough to go back to them if there was a problem. I give guidelines.... don't turn the a/c below x, don't call me erev shabbos asking how to use the shabbos mode, etc.... I also wouldn't lend my bedroom, only kids,guest room, etc...

Recently, I lent out my house to someone I don't know very well. She kept texting me erev shabbos.... do we have a hotplate so the guests could have something warm? (Huh? I thought they were eating all the meals with you?) Do we have an urn so they can have coffee the morning? Do we have patio chairs so they can sit in our yard? So I found that pretty irritating, and then I made guidelines.....

It's a nice chessed to do, but if you can't, that's okay, too!

amother

Mintcream

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:50 pm

Depends who it is and depends what the circumstances are. Usually not.

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:54 pm

In my 2 bedroom apartment, no way!
I do not feel comfortable with strangers sleeping in our bedroom even if the linen is changed
It's way too personal
Don't feel bad saying no!

Goody2shoes

Tue, May 07 2024, 4:56 pm

No no no.
I used to till I found that they went into draws and closets and touched things. I had a guest pick open my bedroom door lock, they were sleeping in a different room, and that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:06 pm

Goody2shoes wrote:

!!!!!
Omg! The chutzpah!

(And yeah that's my concern! That even if things are away in drawers or closets they'll rifle through them, or the kids will go in and take stuff out...)

amother

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:06 pm

Makes me feel better that I'm not the only one! 😅

amother

Wheat

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:06 pm

I get asked this by friends all the time for my vacation house. We let a few times last summer but weren't happy when we came and saw bedding everywhere and tons of stuff left in our freezer. Just basic courtesy was missing. Leave the house how you found it. Is that so hard?! So this summer, I'm going with no. I understand vacations are pricey but I'm not a free hotel. Our vacation house has personal things everywhere and I don't need people pawing through my stuff or commenting on our kids art projects which are proudly displayed all over. My main home? Heck no. I don't trust anyone that much anymore. Too many bad guests in the past.

mommyhood

Tue, May 07 2024, 5:09 pm

Yes in my guest room. Always people I know like my next door neighbors newlywed couple or single siblings that I’ve met many times. I wouldn’t let a big family that would be likely to make a mess or someone I didn’t know at all and definitely would not give my bedroom.
It’s possible they snoop but these are ppl that have my key and I’ve let them go in my house to borrow things when we’re not home so they have that opportunity at other points.

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