Should we use savings to pay tuition?

parsley

Tue, May 07 2024, 9:12 pm

I don’t have as much in savings but I do relate to this question. We have some money in savings- trying to save to buy a house- and with every paycheck, we give maaser. Many of my friends in similar financial situations won’t give maaser because they need to pay their mortgage. It gets frustrating- just because we “have” money in savings- we keep giving away whatever we’d put away to save towards our goal. So we’re really never going to get there because we can never save up enough because we’re always giving that but extra to maaser because we still have savings…. And the cycle continues. I want to just buy a house already so that I don’t have to have this resentment towards tzeddaka. But it seems impossible. So how much of savings is considered liquid cash? Why doesn’t the next person have to sell their house (it’s equity, after all,) to give maaser/pay tuition? My savings is my house. I know many people won’t like this comment… just my honest human frustrations.

amother

Indigo

Tue, May 07 2024, 9:12 pm

All those getting hung up about her large amount in savings are not considering the big picture.

Her tuition bill is huge and in 5 years or less she will have to stop paying full tuition anyway. She might find it hard to even pay the reduced amount at that point so it makes sense to negotiate already now so that she's able to continue paying until all her kids are out of school.

amother

Hawthorn

Tue, May 07 2024, 9:21 pm

parsley wrote:

Totally get you! I actually stopped giving maaser because I couldn’t afford all our bills while giving maaser. If we ever manage to raise our income, it will absolutely suck to have to give maaser before being able to contribute to saving towards a house.

amother

Geranium

Tue, May 07 2024, 10:57 pm

amother Moccasin wrote:

I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask for tuition reduction if you have the money, but you just earmarked it as savings.

I pay tuition out of savings. It never occurred to me to ask for reduction. If I have the money, I have the money.

Different poster here. I scrimped and saved and don't even have enough room in my living quarters for everyone. Why should my savings that Im saving for improved quality of life living situation go for tuition? So yes I may have six digits in my savings but that's because I didn't spend on clothes, furniture, etc. Just as an FYI, I don't ask for a tuition reduction but I feel bitter about paying all this money when two of my kids don't even have a real bedroom.

amother

Burlywood

Tue, May 07 2024, 11:09 pm

amother Ginger wrote:

We are poor. I work FULL FULL time. Professional but don't make that much (many reasons, including not having finances to start on my own or take that risk to lose steady but low paycheck. My field you only make money if private business). DH lost professional job, applying for jobs and keeps getting rejections.
I called our school and they didn't give any reduction.
If someone got a reduction because they were SAHM and had savings I would be livid.
We get Tomchei (hard where we live). I just applied to local bikur cholim for help for a medical bill. I had to think twice about getting myself a pair of shoes but mine are ripped and hurting my feet. And I bought the cheapest color/option.

It is still a choice to be a SAHM. There are ways to make money from home.
Are you cutting back everything possible? Any cleaning help? Using coupons? Walmart shopping? We are.

Do you pay 110k in tuition though? I send to a school that charges a fraction of that, and doesn’t give tuition breaks because they don’t have that buffer. My relative sends to a school that charges way up there and they have plenty of room to reduce.

If after op’s tuition break she’s still paying significantly more than you do, why are you livid?

On the other hand if you are spending that much then I’m so sorry for you and maybe you can consider switching schools.

amother

Moccasin

Tue, May 07 2024, 11:26 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

My children sleep in a walk in. There are many things that I want to spend on as well, including larger living quarters. I too scrimp and scrimp. But Yeshiva tuition in my responsibility as much as it’s my responsibility to feed and clothe my kids. Sending my kids to Yeshiva is a privilege I would cut back on many more things before I feel it’s appropriate to ask for reductions.

amother

Ginger

Wed, May 08 2024, 2:24 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

I pay almost my entire take home salary to tuition. Which was hard but doable when we had 2 incomes (my salary was tuition, his was everything else).
Where I live this is the only school that fits... I am not crazy particular but if for example there are only say 3 schools and we aren't chassidish but my daughters don't wear pants we only have 1 option.

I just wish the schools would be reasonable.
Allow anyone to apply but at the same time:

-SAHM get a basic salary attached to their family income.
- ask about extras (vacations, cleaning help, cars- if you have a new car vs my 12 year old with warning lights on)
- don't just let people buy homes they can't afford and then be "house poor" and can't pay tuition. They won't make the family in the 6 bedroom sell their home for something they actually can afford. Sorry but if you can't afford it, you can't. Rent. Get a more modest home. But to give them the reduction as "expenses are greater" is ridiculous when they put themselves in that situation. 🙄

Am I resentful of the school that when we say "after basic rent which is low for my city, mandatory Healthcare costs, gas for me to get to work and kids to school, car insurance, and the electric bill I have no money left" they say "find it. Ask family"...? Yeah. Resentful. Try not to show kids any and always talk up the school to them. But at the same time I am collapsing from the stress.

essie14

Wed, May 08 2024, 6:19 am

notshanarishona wrote:

To have a month or two of savings and a rainy day accounts, 100% I would apply for a tuition discount. To have $500,000/ years of savings in case your husband needed to stop working, feels greedy and not fair.

Exactly.
First of all, retirement is not savings.
Every responsible person should have retirement funds. These are untouchable and are meant for you to have food on the table when you and DH can no longer work.
Saying that the rest of your money is "savings" is inaccurate.
At your stage of life most people don't have that much in untouchable savings if they're not covering all their monthly expenses.
I mean I could put half my salary in savings and then apply for Tomchei Shabbos and a tuition break and then a buy a house with cash in a few years. How is that fair?

You should keep an emergency fund of 3-6 months of living expenses and maybe a small simcha fund for each child but yes, you should be dipping into savings for the rest of your monthly expenses which includes tuition.
Savings accounts are for after you've paid your expenses.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:26 am

Im baffled that some people here are justifying asking for a break in a school where they charge higher tuition because it subsidizes others.
Hello!!
Who do you think is being squeezed to the limit paying that full higher tuition?? People like myself, who both spouses work full time, have no cleaning help, drove 18 year old minivans etc, and were not eligible for a tuition break.
So someone else gets to be a SAHM and has money tucked away, while I work my tush off and pay the full tuition to subsidize hers.
Unreal.

You know what would be amazing?
If more people paid their full tuitions, and then the schools could actually charge less!!

amother

Begonia

Wed, May 08 2024, 8:37 am

amother Indigo wrote:

I’m not bothered by someone getting a break while having savings, everyone needs savings. I’m bothered by making a choice to stay home without thinking these things through first. Most of the women I know who work have busy husbands and many children with different needs but tuition is a bill just like every other. I can’t just quit my job and pretend it doesn’t exist because I want to stay home.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 08 2024, 9:58 am

notshanarishona wrote:

This is bad financial advice. Always have 6 months to a years worth of expenses saved up. Since op is dependent on her husbands income she should have a full years buffer. If he needs to be out of work an extended period of time plus they have medical expenses etc she will need all that to get through.

No one should be putting themselves in a bad financial spot if they can help it.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 08 2024, 10:00 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

I would be really irritated if I were in your shoes. My kids school is honest and says what the actual price of educating the kids is, then they ask that people voluntarily pay more because there are many families who can only pay less.

You said you weren’t eligible for a break so does that mean that you applied for a break? If so you can’t begrudge op for applying as well.

amother

Ginger

Wed, May 08 2024, 10:10 am

amother Begonia wrote:

Exactly. I worked for years just to pay tuition. My entire salary was basically tuition (and this is professional salary, not assistant morah salary).
And so many moms were SAHM. And no, not every single one had kids with significant needs or major medical issues.
So many thought I was crazy for working when they didn't. I am one of a few moms who work full full time (more than school hours!).
But when we needed help because my salary can't cover tuition, rent, car insurance, Healthcare- forget about food, diapers, clothing basics (a single pair of basic not frum brand shoes per kid for weekdays?) I was told to find the money and ask for help from family.
This is a short term problem. Unemployment. But am getting no assistance because all the money went to long term situations like SAHMs or "I work 5 hours a week from home" moms.

amother

Amaranthus

Wed, May 08 2024, 10:15 am

amother Burlywood wrote:

No I did not apply for a break because they are very clear that people in my situation (income covers expenses) are not eligible.
And it makes sense to me, im not arguing.
But I wish they would charge lower tuition. I wish tuition wasnt extra high to subsidize. I wish people wjo could afford to pay would pay.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 08 2024, 10:18 am

notshanarishona wrote:

If you can have a year worth of savings thats great. But not at the expense of asking for tzedakah from others. Tuition is an obligation like no other.

No one should be obligated to subsidize other peoples tuition by dipping into savings! If the school refuses to give a break then you have no choice. But you should clarify what the school policy is regarding breaks.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t cover the expenses of your own child’s education. Of course you should. It’s the mandatory paying into a scholarship fund that I have issue with.

amother

Burlywood

Wed, May 08 2024, 10:21 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

But is your income covering expenses? You are living very tight and stretching every dollar. Someone in your position shouldn’t be subsidizing others tuition. Leave that to the people who can afford it. Lots of people can.

I just don’t see the harm in applying and letting the tuition committee figure out how your situation compares to others and whether you’re someone who could use the break. They know a lot more than you do about the real financial picture of the parent body.

amother

Snow

Wed, May 08 2024, 11:48 am

I didn't read all the previous posts. We are in a similar situation. Our Rav told us that we can and should save for retirement etc even if it meant getting a tuition reduction.
I would assume that every school has their own parameters for how much one can have in savings while still getting aid. We've received tuition reduction and have fully disclosed all our assets.

amother

Daphne

Wed, May 08 2024, 12:09 pm

notshanarishona wrote:

If you can have a year worth of savings thats great. But not at the expense of asking for tzedakah from others. Tuition is an obligation like no other.

Exactly plus she made a calculated decision to stop working well did u not calculate tuition expenses??? Do u not see it as your obligation? Astounding