Nosh on school trips -- is this a normal amount?

ShishKabob

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:21 pm

I didn't read the entire thread, however, I believe it's trial and error. She didn't buy one solid thing like a mezonos or pretzels etc. She will likely be nauseous and buy more reasonably next time, all this without your pressure or input.

Tzutzie

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:24 pm

amother OP wrote:

Ok so her budget was way too big. I gave her 15 dollars. Like I said, I didn't want to set guidelines because I didn't want to create any sort of tension or friction.

I'm definitely going to lower the budget next time. That's probably the least harmful, guilt inducing way to limit what she's able to take.

Seems like it. You had good intentions. And although imo it was excessive, for whatever reason hashem gave you this idea into your head and it happened.
Please don't tell her anything now.
Put some $$ in tzeduka and say a little tefila that all those trash food shouldn't harm her in any way and fargin her the fun of it.
Half the fun of a school trip is the nosh.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:27 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

Idk. She's overdosed on sugar in the past. I never seems to stop her from doing it again.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:28 pm

Tzutzie wrote:

I really do fargin her the fun, that was my entire intention. I just wish fun didn't have to come at the expense of heslth.

amother

Apricot

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:30 pm

amother OP wrote:

It wasn't about teaching moderation, it was to keep them from begging other kids for their snacks.

You have better ideas? I'm all ears Smile

I’d rather she begs than assisting her eating an excessive amount. No one is giving her close to this amount for begging.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:31 pm

mom! wrote:

I recently saw a pediatric nutritionist for an issue similar but different than what you are describing. It was a zoom session and was oh so beneficial for my whole family. The child that was struggling obviously had no idea. Aside from the practical advice she had, it strengthened myself to know what was good practices and what had to go. I was much more confident after the session and ultimately 65% of the issue dropped on its own. Let me know if you would like contact info.

I would love to feel more confident but I doubt a nutritionist has answers I haven't already thought of.

ShishKabob

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:32 pm

amother OP wrote:

Idk. She's overdosed on sugar in the past. I never seems to stop her from doing it again.

I hear you, I guess everyone is different.
I usually give a budget and a plan.
Like you can buy one drink and take as many water bottles that you want from the house.
You can buy a snack (more expensive than I usually buy for snack), a sugary nosh or two, which includes chocolate, a danish, gum or mints and then I let them take pretzels and potato chips that are not included in the budget.
If they want to buy something to share, it's going to be one big bag of something, not a few types.
But it's your child, speak with her and come up with a plan that suits both of you, and doesn't leave one of you cringing.
Lots of hatzlocha and may she grow up to be a healthy independent individual.

amother

Lavender

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:32 pm

I didn’t read the whole post
It’s a little excessive but not way overboard
She could have been ok with 2 bags of candies and no soda.
Even if sh eats too much sugar, 1 day of too much is not going to turn her into a diabetic

Send with a big bag of cut veggies - big enough to share with and a really good dip
You’ll be surprised. The girls wil devour the veggies.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:33 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

I’d rather she begs than assisting her eating an excessive amount. No one is giving her close to this amount for begging.

True and I've gone back and forth about this in my mind. Except it's not only about the begging, it's about what the constant craving and desperation does to children who can't have what everyone else is having.

ETA and if I'm being perfect honest, it's also about being able to tell myself that people who say I caused the issues by being too restrictive are wrong.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:35 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Love how everyone says its just one day, as if kids don't eat an excessive amount of sugar on a near daily basis.

Eating veggies with dip won't undo the sugar.

amother

Bellflower

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Also keep in mind that the girls all had nosh limits from they're parents so a child who shares with your daughter might feel some resentment.

Amelia Bedelia

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:46 pm

A $5 budget, as suggested above, is too low. She'd just get plenty candy with that, since candy is pretty cheap and she can get more candy vs snacks/chocolate/pastries.
For $5, she can probably get Skittles, Oodles, Mentos, M&Ms, Laffy Taffy, Mike and Ike, Snapple, and more.

However, if you give a higher budget, you can easily encourage her to choose more filling options, such as:
Danish $2.50
Chocolate bar $2
Two snack bags $.75 each
One exciting candy $2-$3
Drink $2.50

amother

Amethyst

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:59 pm

I have a lot of things to say here but my number one question is are you sure all this stuff was only $15?
In my store the total would be closer to $25/30. I’m asking this because I am wondering if you don’t have an even bigger problem on your hands than you think.
If she added some of her own money secretly behind your back, you have more issues than compulsive eating and not understanding basic boundaries here.

About the rest. This is all way too much for one kid to bring on a trip but I agree not to go back on your word this time. I am also not sure what you should do next time.

I wonder if it would be helpful to consult with a pediatric eating disorder specialist. I understand that this is deeper than just the disordered relationship with food, but it may be helpful to have some tips for her future trips.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:11 pm

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

I don't consider a pastry a much better option than candy honestly. Snack bags are better, she did get the pringles. And a big bar of chocolate.

I think I'll stick to 10 dollars next time. And will add back in some guidelines

amother

Beige

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:12 pm

Dear op, no real advice but I can relate with your dilemma as I too struggle with similar.

You should seek guidance If only to soothe your conscience. It’s possible your daughter would need a therapist who also deals with eating issues. (You mentioned other stuff going on)
I agree a food plan likely wouldn’t work.

I think you should allow her to keep the food. For the future I’d probably give a smaller budget and some guidelines (and still allow her to go alone)

Parenting is not easy

amother

Apricot

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don’t see that. Kids who have no limits overeat in my house and kids with limits say that’s too much nosh for me. I see it all the time. I think this is just a myth people spread to not feel guilty that they don’t teach their kids to eat in moderation.

amother

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:25 pm

amother Apricot wrote:

I know it's a myth but I still struggle with the judgment.

amother

Fuchsia

Sun, May 12 2024, 9:40 pm

amother OP wrote:

In your mind a danish and a bag of candy is the same ?

amother

Brickred

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:00 pm

Interesting read. I wonder if boys are different.
A couple of months ago my son (14) went shopping for his trip, I gave him a budget of $25 and he added $10 more of his own money. He told me he even put back some things because the total was over $40 TMI

.
He shopped at Gourmet Glatt if that makes a difference.
Yes most of the stuff were family packs which he says is to share.
He's not overweight yet but definitely not skinny.
He did bring home a lot of leftovers.

Things he bought that I can remember:
Sushi
Pastry
2 kinds family size chips
Family size jolly ranchers
Family size of some jelly candy
Klik chocolate bar
Some other bag of chocolate
Big can pringles
2 drinks
Plus he took things from home.

Then there's my other teen son who just takes 2-3 things on a trip.

Same chinuch. Same environment.
It's very hard to know what to say and what not to say.

Nobody every commented on my food choices, I was a skinny kid. Today I'm 50lb overweight and struggle tremendously with my relationship to food.
So I keep on thinking if I struggle this much without anyone guilting me or telling me anything when I was younger, how much more would I struggle if my parents would comment on my choices.
That's why I try really hard not to say anything. But I don't know if it's the right thing.