DH ate the chocolate he bought me

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amother

Viola

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:55 pm

I’d be annoyed if he finished it. Honestly similar things have happened, like DH made me cookies but I didn’t want them right away so he ate them, or drank my coffee because it was getting cold but I was gonna warm it up…but even those I find pretty funny now.

amother

Seashell

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Honestly, I’m not angry just annoyed. It’s the principal for me that when you buy a gift for someone it’s theirs.

I get you OP. I'd be annoyed too! And I'm not 8 weeks pregnant. For me it would feel like it wasn't really a gift. It was more just chocolate for the pantry.... 🙄

amother

Peach

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:05 pm

I honestly would be happy if my dh had some and would want to offer to share it with him. I would feel selfish eating it alone. Im actually confused by your post

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:08 pm

BTDT and I'm not pregnant. I was upset about it. I'd offer to share no problem but don't get me a gift and then eat it without permission. Especially when I'm the type who keeps and looks forward to it and he just finishes things off immediately.

amother

NeonBlue

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:14 pm

Why is this such a big deal? Just go out and buy another box of chocolates.

amother

Khaki

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:53 pm

amother Babypink wrote:

I suggest: lawyer up and file for divorce.

I was going to post this!

It's amazing that we got to page 3 before anyone suggested it - Imamothers must be softening up 😉

amother

Azure

Mon, May 13 2024, 9:55 pm

אשתו כגופו
So it doesn't matter who eats them in the end!

naturalmom5

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:10 pm

First world problems Very Happy

seeker

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:13 pm

Didn't read all 4 pages of this thread, just the first one in which most people said they'd be fine, so I'm going to counter with some validation - I would be quite annoyed.

I would probably offer him one, and if he asked for one I would surely agree (unless this was a super special rare treat, each one is a different flavor and I really like each, or something like that). But if he would just take from something that was supposed to be a treat for me, I would feel violated.

I think we have a different mentality about personal space and possessions. He also has no problem eating off my plate and it offends me every time. He's gotten better at respecting my values in this area and will ask my permission before taking something from my drawers (even if it's something he's totally entitled to. I consider drawers personal space) but the plate is right in front of his face and if he's sitting next to me he's just not even thinking about it.

So yes he has bought me chocolate and then eaten from it and it used to bother me but I've gotten used to it; however op is different because it was a specifically requested special gift. By me it's been more like "oh I know you like this kind of chocolate so I bought some for you" and then it turns out "bought some for you" is a looser description than I thought. I've learned that if I especially want to make a certain chocolate last, I need to keep it in my drawer Twisted Evil

amother

Forestgreen

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:17 pm

I'd be annoyed but too embarrassed to show my pettiness by admitting it or saying anything about it.

amother

DarkRed

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:23 pm

Yeah, I would be bothered as well, and maybe say something to dh.
But it is unlikely to happen. We each have our own lockable stash of chocolates, seriously. So I would have locked them up anyway.
Dh understands, he himself gets quite annoyed if anyone ever lays hands on his choclates.
The whole lock away business is a necessity because our kids do take things without permission. A failure on our part, I know.

amother

Ghostwhite

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:33 pm

I can't imagine myself getting too annoyed about something like this ( and I get annoyed plenty) but then I don't think my DH would ever start a box that was especially for me before giving it to me, but after that it would be pretty self understood that both of us will share the contents. In any case, my DH always leaves the last bit of anything we share for me. He is very sweet that way.

amother

Goldenrod

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:38 pm

In my case it would be reversed.
I could totally see myself buying chocolates for my husband and then sneaking a few LOL

Im a chocoholic!! But my husband definitely wouldnt care lol

amother

PlumPink

Mon, May 13 2024, 10:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

I’m just wondering if I’m being completely irrational. Yes, I realize there are much bigger issues in the world so don’t have at me. But seriously if your DH bought you a box of chocolates which you specifically requested as the ONLY gift you wanted for Mother’s Day and then snuck a few would you be bothered?

No. Not irrational. But it's not lijely about the chocolate. The chocolate situation is just bringing the underlying thing to light.

Your feelings are valid.

Everyone has feelings and I'd guess other people on this site would get it if it was with something they cared more about.

Ie; what if when you got engaged, instead of buying a diamond ring, you were gifted just the setting because dh decided to pawn the diamond off before giving it to you because he wanted a fancier something else.

It's YOUR choice to sell. Sure, you can come to that decision together at a later point as I know some couples who have. I know this is an extreme example but the concept is the same.

You wanted something. Asked and shared your need and were told you'd get it. And then got only part of it.

Breaking a boundary is breaking a boundary. Better to notice with the smaller things and have a discussion before the underlying concern shows up with something bigger than chocolate.

Also. What if the chocolate was really expenses, finances are tight, and there's lots of children so the Mother doesn't really ever have her "own" treats because always sharing.

If chocolate is not your specific thing, it might be easier to understand OP if you think of your own things that do matter.

If DH presented a half box of chocolate to me I would be really hurt. But that's because of our story and dynamic. In the past if he did it, it would be worse. I used to have an eating disorder and his issue of eating food that was for me that I wasn't ready for was super triggering.

There was no such thing as "saving it for later" and would send me on restrictive cycles because I felt pressured to eat the expensive chocolate that we couldn't easily just "get another" right away so I could have it.

Today I have other reasons for why it would bother me (doesn't feel special. Like someone else said. It's just groceries if intention is to share and not a gift for me).

Who knows what OPs situation is? Just because chocolate isn't your boundary reminder, the concept can be understood (I'd think at least).

amother

Papayawhip

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:37 pm

I think alot depends on history. My dh eats everything he can get his hands on. I buy shabbos treats for the kids and he eats it. I leave for myself specific (healthy) snacks I like at my desk at my home office and he eats it. I hide food from him if don't want it to be eaten. So if this would happen to me I would also be pretty upset. It signifies lack of boundaries, lack of self control, food addiction etc. Also as a previous poster said - usually a mother of several children doesn't have much to herself. If she wanted that special chocolate it was meant to be for her alone and should be her prerogative to share or not.

amother

Sage

Mon, May 13 2024, 11:49 pm

Whatever it is you want for now, (candy, milkshake, juicy burger.) tell DH to buy 2 or 3. It will pass. This way you can enjoy together without being upset.

ray family

Tue, May 14 2024, 12:07 am

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I’d also be upset.
I don’t live in the US and I periodically ask people to send me chocolate from a specific store. Gd help the person who dares to touch my chocolate ( yes, including my husband!)!!!

heidi

Tue, May 14 2024, 12:22 am

seeker wrote:

I just want to comment how interesting it is how different people have totally different needs and personalities.
On our first date DH and I were so comfortable with each other that we were sharing food off our plates.
When his sister met me she said she knew we were going to get married bcz she had never seen him share a cup with anyone- ie: I took a drink and then he did
We're still like that many years later and I love it.
So it would never occur to me to be upset about sharing chocolate.
But I think OP is upset about the gift part. A gift makes it yours alone.

amother

DarkPurple

Tue, May 14 2024, 12:28 am

What flavors? If they were all the best ones I'd be upset. But pro-tip: hide your chocolates under the kale or celery in the veggie drawer. This has been my winningest life strategy so far. Neither DH nor the kids ever find them.

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, May 14 2024, 3:28 am

I bought dh a really nice box of Belgian chocolate for his birthday and probably had one or two pieces. In general, we regarded the box as his, but it wasn't a big deal. What does irk me is when I buy or make treats for Shabbos or a holiday and he just digs into them when he feels like snacking. I've learned to hide things if I want them to survive for the intended occasion. Growing up, my mother always planned ahead for yontiff and gathered treats in the dining room. We knew not to open them until the holiday. I guess I assumed that other families worked that way, too. (although I'm pretty sure my mil would not like that either. Lol.)

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