S/O $200 hoodie?? | Imamother

amother

Lightyellow

Mon, May 13 2024, 8:26 pm

amother Mauve wrote:

Omg. Just found the original thread. Wow. This is really not the kids asking for stuff. It’s the parents out of breath trying to make them happy. Maybe they can make an asifa about this. Seems more worthy a topic than some of the other issues of the day.

Women in frum communities need more kosher creative and spiritual outlets. Shopping is the main extracurricular activity.

lamplighter

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:45 am

amother Plum wrote:

This is an old story here
Many posters on here want everyone to only buy target clothes and agree with them that it’s the only way and the greatest best thing since sliced bread.

You and I know there is a huge range between target and $200 brand name sweatshirts.

amother

Plum

Tue, May 14 2024, 4:57 am

lamplighter wrote:

You and I know there is a huge range between target and $200 brand name sweatshirts.

And you and I know that it’s no one’s business to mock those of us who do want to buy the $200 sweatshirts. It’s an insecurity on your part. And besides, many of the ppl who can afford the designer clothes are also the ones funding so many tzedakahs, organizations and gemachs. So fine, if you don’t agree with their way of spending and feel the urgent need to avtually mock their spending habits, then don’t you dare ever take advantage of their goodness and tzedakahs either. You can’t pick and choose.

lamplighter

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:32 am

I am not insecure or jealous about brand name clothes. I'm pointing out that you are using an extreme to make a point that's inaccurate.
Its not target or $200 brand name. There are all kinds of in-between options.
Not sure how you decided I'm insecure from that?

amother

Snowflake

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:53 am

Hashem_Yaazor wrote:

I completely disagree.
I can't stand brand names, have no idea why anyone would want them and yet to 2 of my 4 teens, it really means a lot to have certain brands that are in. My others don't care at all.
A third down the line likely will as well.

The mom in the original thread wanted to surprise her daughter and reward her with a designer sweatshirt, something unique and special. That sounds like she’s perpetuating the cycle instead of using her role to teach good values

amother

Clear

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:53 am

amother Plum wrote:

We are not mocking. We are pointing out the absurdity of it - as well as the impact it has on society. We do get to comment because our communities pride themselves with conformity and these set crazy high standards for everyone.

We can't pick and choose where it suits us. If we promote conformity and enforce that everyone should be and do the same, then you can't turn around and say that in this scenario I can do as I please. This applies even more for teenagers because of the peer pressure they deal with at this stage.

amother

Floralwhite

Tue, May 14 2024, 5:59 am

To people saying it has to do with jealousy and not being able to afford it, you are very wrong.
There are many many people who can afford these prices, yet are smart enough to see the ridiculousness of it.
It's not only about affording it, it's about values.
Also, IMO a bigger problem is not the price of the clothing but the obsession with brand names, and having what everyone has. My values are against that, and I wouldn't want my DD to wear a moose knuckle, mackage or whatever even if it was a huge bargain.

Chayalle

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:11 am

amother Banana wrote:

Have you looked around the kollel towns recently? No sacrifices necessary. At all.

It's the parents who are expected to sacrifice...

I actually agree with this - parent should sacrifice more, not kids. Parents are the adult.
But the a kid that doesn't have a $200 hoodie (mine doesn't) is not sacrificing. (She has BH plenty of decent and even stylish clothes in her closet.)
It's about finding a balance.

Some kids are more drawn to gashmiyus than others. We need to support a kid where they are at. That doesn't mean buying them that designer hoodie is a must, but it does involve understanding their need and helping them feel good about themselves, perhaps making more effort to buy them things on a lesser scale that can also fill them, thus teaching them a bit of budgeting but it's okay to enjoy some things when that's your inclination....

When we went thru times as a Kollel couple where we were very tight, I still did my best to give my kids what they needed. I personally managed with whatever was in my closet. I made the choice to marry someone in Kollel and do my best with that. They didn't.

amother

Taupe

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:16 am

amother Taupe wrote:

BH we can afford these things but we dont buy them for our kids and we also dont allow them to buy them themselves.

Since my kids are 7 years old and start asking for brand name this and brand name that like all their classmates, our answer is the same
"BH we have lots of money and can buy it, but since Daddy drives for tomchei shabbos he sees how so many people in monsey are actually poor. And it would be a terrible thing for the girls in your class whose parents dont have enough money for food, to feel extra pressured to beg their parents for this because now you also have one. We will not be the reason that your classmate feels left out and her parents cry themselves to sleep."

Call me extreme but this is what we have always said and you know what? Every one of my children has accepted this answer, and not only that, they feel a sense of pride, as they do their part to help out.

My teenage daughter is surrounded by the brands, and is showing remarkable resolve not to wear visibly obvious brand names that would increase social pressure for other girls. I am so proud of her.

Im quoting myself here.

Genuinely trying to help here.
Can anyone else join me in doing this? I think it can help so many more people if this attitude was adopted

amother

Nasturtium

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:17 am

But then it's not only about the money. If a trendy tee shirt costs only $19 with a splashy logo on it and is what the "herd" is into, do we say yes? Is this about a dollar value or about a value system that goes beyond the cost and is more about not being a follower completely?

If the hoodie or tee shirt is super cheap but has a logo on it, it's easier to say yes but I wonder if that's where some of the issue is. Because they get used to wearing or following and then it gets harder when they get older.

My daughter is dying for a certain brand tee shirt that's really cheap but has the company logo straight across the chest. She's going to feel so "in" wearing it and it's not about the money. It still doesn't fit into my value system because if we wear it this year, what will she want to wear next year?

That's where things get confusing for me.

Chayalle

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:21 am

amother Nasturtium wrote:

A cheap fad that gives a child or teen a little pleasure and enjoyment is fine within limits - that is, we don't need one of every color, no need to go overboard, but I look at this the same as I would any fad going on, like stickers and sillybandz and whatever has been in in the past 10 years or so.....

Wearing and following is not necessarily a bad thing - there's a certain amount of conformity that is part of our chinuch to our children. Finding the balance is important though, because we also want them to be able to think for themselves.....

amother

Clear

Tue, May 14 2024, 6:26 am

Chayalle wrote:

Agree with this all.

I just want to add that parents can't suddenly develop a mindset to sacrifice if they never incorporated these lessons as a kid. These adults chasing after brand names (without appropriate balance), were more likely than not raised in such ways. You do a much better service to your children to teach them appropriate balance (as you have outlined above), then continuing to rationalize these purchases for them.