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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
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amother
Clear
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 Tue, May 21 2024, 7:40 pm
As a kid my parents bought a microscope, those kits to build your own radio, powering light bulbs with potatoes etc. We ended up learning beyond those kits as to why it worked but they were great launching grounds.
For my kid we don't have time to do those things. I try to give enrichment as I can, explain the science behind things...
My biggest "issue" is that my kid is on an advanced reading level. School refused to believe me or my kid that the class books were too easy and were read several years before. Refused to give harder books. Would bring in some from home for free reading time and was told it was "inappropriate because it is too advanced for X grade". Nothing inappropriate in there language or topic wise. Just too many grades above. Sorry that my 3rd grader has read 8th grade books and found them easy.
I gave up. I let my kid read at home and struggle with finding anything the school will approve.
I wish schools would help kids AT ALL levels. Not just the kids who struggle to learn to read.
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amother
Vermilion
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Tue, May 21 2024, 8:41 pm
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As a once gifted child who went to Ramaz, I would NOT recommend it davka for gifted. They are not a school for gifted kids. They are a top notch private school that is also a Jewish school but they really don't handle out-of-the-box kids well. They're great if you're intelligent and have a good work ethic, and they certainly can academically challenge gifted kids, but there's a lot more to being gifted than mere book smarts. The challenge with educating gifted kids is that they come with other challenges that are harder for most schools to work with. Honestly, I don't think any schools really know what to do with gifted. It's a real chisaron, we have to muddle along (yes, I have gifted kids too) and do what we can with what our schools can offer. It's hard. I wish there were better options.
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Tue, May 21 2024, 8:47 pm
| amother Topaz wrote: | | I know gifted children who study at Ramaz. It's an excellent MO school. For the higher grades they have tracks for each subject, I believe it's the closest you will get to a yeshiva for gifted children. |
Ramaz is an excellent school but FYI most MO schools have similar tracking and enrichment.
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mamabird73
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Tue, May 21 2024, 8:52 pm
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Hi OP. It might be me that you referenced in your post. I run a nonprofit based out of Teaneck that helps parents find alternative educational models. Feel free to PM me or email me at tiferetofteaneck@gmail.com. I'm happy to help in any way I can.
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Bleemee
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Tue, May 21 2024, 9:23 pm
| amother Vermilion wrote: | | As a once gifted child who went to Ramaz, I would NOT recommend it davka for gifted. They are not a school for gifted kids. They are a top notch private school that is also a Jewish school but they really don't handle out-of-the-box kids well. They're great if you're intelligent and have a good work ethic, and they certainly can academically challenge gifted kids, but there's a lot more to being gifted than mere book smarts. The challenge with educating gifted kids is that they come with other challenges that are harder for most schools to work with. Honestly, I don't think any schools really know what to do with gifted. It's a real chisaron, we have to muddle along (yes, I have gifted kids too) and do what we can with what our schools can offer. It's hard. I wish there were better options. |
Can you elaborate on the other challenges? I don’t think most of us have insight into this.
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amother
Vermilion
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Tue, May 21 2024, 9:29 pm
| Bleemee wrote: | | Can you elaborate on the other challenges? I don’t think most of us have insight into this. |
Often a lot of social/emotional/behavioral issues
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amother
Crocus
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Tue, May 21 2024, 10:45 pm
Having watched a number of gifted children (including one of my own) go through the school system into adulthood, I think it’s important to not highlight the child’s differences. For their social and emotional wellbeing, they should be expected to be like everyone else. Parents should be careful to not inadvertently make their child think they are better than others or different. Some kids don’t like school because it’s hard, some don’t like it because it’s easy, some don’t like it because they have trouble making friends… This is a microcosm of life. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.
OP, I think what you said to DD about going to school for reasons other than academics is amazing! Most parents don’t see it that way. I think you should try to stimulate/challenge DD at home with something like music lessons, or learning a language. Have more advanced games that require strategy around, get her whatever (appropriate of course) reading material she would like, and get puzzle books- logic puzzles. Speak to the principal about placing DD in a class where the teachers are better at differentiating instruction, who can make the learning (a little) more interesting for DD without making her feel different- as long as she can still be with her friends. My DC had a few teachers that did this well.
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amother
Almond
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Tue, May 21 2024, 11:41 pm
| amother Crocus wrote: | Having watched a number of gifted children (including one of my own) go through the school system into adulthood, I think it’s important to not highlight the child’s differences. For their social and emotional wellbeing, they should be expected to be like everyone else. Parents should be careful to not inadvertently make their child think they are better than others or different. Some kids don’t like school because it’s hard, some don’t like it because it’s easy, some don’t like it because they have trouble making friends… This is a microcosm of life. Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like.
OP, I think what you said to DD about going to school for reasons other than academics is amazing! Most parents don’t see it that way. I think you should try to stimulate/challenge DD at home with something like music lessons, or learning a language. Have more advanced games that require strategy around, get her whatever (appropriate of course) reading material she would like, and get puzzle books- logic puzzles. Speak to the principal about placing DD in a class where the teachers are better at differentiating instruction, who can make the learning (a little) more interesting for DD without making her feel different- as long as she can still be with her friends. My DC had a few teachers that did this well. |
I don’t think anyone’s highlighting their child’s differences to them. But to a gifted kid, the second grade repetitive work is as boring as it would be to me and you and lots of teachers don’t understand that. My gifted kid doesn’t just know more than most kids his age, it’s like his brain absorbs things from the air. I could give him one lesson in math and he gets it immediately and is making connections to other concepts we haven’t even touched on yet. Meanwhile in school, they’re tediously working through common core to help the kids grasp concepts he intuitively understood since he was 3.
He’s actually well behaved in school which is a blessing but also makes it easier for them to ignore his giftedness. To be fair, they do try but it’s hard in a class with different abilities. I don’t even know if I’d want him to be in a gifted school, I just wish he wasn’t wasting his years away when I know he has so much potential. And no, I don’t want him doing more schoolwork after an 8 hour day, he needs to play outdoors like other kids.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 6:36 am
| Bleemee wrote: | | Can you elaborate on the other challenges? I don’t think most of us have insight into this. |
There are 7 areas of difficulty common to many, not all, gifted children.
1. Social skills
2. sensory differences
3. understanding hierarchy and authority
4. Thought processes, boredom and study skills
5. Self esteem
6. Overexcitability
7. processing emotions
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LovesHashem
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Wed, May 22 2024, 7:17 am
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | There are 7 areas of difficulty common to many, not all, gifted children.
1. Social skills
2. sensory differences
3. understanding hierarchy and authority
4. Thought processes, boredom and study skills
5. Self esteem
6. Overexcitability
7. processing emotions |
This sounds so much to what autistics go through. Maybe I'm just gifted lol.
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amother
Oxfordblue
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Wed, May 22 2024, 9:10 am
| LovesHashem wrote: | | This sounds so much to what autistics go through. Maybe I'm just gifted lol. |
She’s basically highlighting challenges of being neurodiverse so that makes sense.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 9:25 am
| LovesHashem wrote: | | This sounds so much to what autistics go through. Maybe I'm just gifted lol. |
The difference mainly is in the cause of the difficulty.
With gifted children the cause is not an inherent difficulty, it's because of the asynchronous development and it can be taught.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Wed, May 22 2024, 9:58 am
| LovesHashem wrote: | | This sounds so much to what autistics go through. Maybe I'm just gifted lol. |
you can be both 
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amother
DarkViolet
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Wed, May 22 2024, 10:07 am
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | There are 7 areas of difficulty common to many, not all, gifted children.
1. Social skills
2. sensory differences
3. understanding hierarchy and authority
4. Thought processes, boredom and study skills
5. Self esteem
6. Overexcitability
7. processing emotions |
And schools insist it must be asd or adhd. It’s an uphill battle to get them to accept it’s not. No matter how many evals you have. Which also are difficult because many providers say it’s a mystery they are above average but their behavior is concerning.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 10:17 am
| amother DarkViolet wrote: | | And schools insist it must be asd or adhd. It’s an uphill battle to get them to accept it’s not. No matter how many evals you have. Which also are difficult because many providers say it’s a mystery they are above average but their behavior is concerning. |
One essential point. You MUST evaluate with a provider who has experience with giftedness.
It is not true that all gifted kids have behavior issues.
Some do, it very much depends on the character of the kid whether it becomes an issue or not.
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amother
Aquamarine
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Wed, May 22 2024, 10:49 am
| amother DarkViolet wrote: | | And schools insist it must be asd or adhd. It’s an uphill battle to get them to accept it’s not. No matter how many evals you have. Which also are difficult because many providers say it’s a mystery they are above average but their behavior is concerning. |
there's also something called twice exceptional. Giftedness often goes with other types of neurodivergence.
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amother
Vermilion
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Wed, May 22 2024, 11:56 am
| LovesHashem wrote: | | This sounds so much to what autistics go through. Maybe I'm just gifted lol. |
It's not uncommon for gifted kids to have ASD, ADHD, or both. My gifted kids all have one or both. I have ADHD.
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amother
DarkViolet
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Wed, May 22 2024, 11:58 am
| amother Aquamarine wrote: | | there's also something called twice exceptional. Giftedness often goes with other types of neurodivergence. |
Not always. Sometimes it is just struggling to live with the giftedness.
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amother
Lilac
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:05 pm
| amother Lawngreen wrote: | | We are in the process of opening such a program in Yerushalayim. |
Can you give us more information please? My gifted DD is miserably bored at school, we live in Yerushalayim.
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amother
Lawngreen
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Wed, May 22 2024, 4:09 pm
| amother Lilac wrote: | | Can you give us more information please? My gifted DD is miserably bored at school, we live in Yerushalayim. |
It will be an after school enrichment program focusing on social, emotional and intellectual needs of gifted students in charedi schools. We're working now on ironing out the details to open iyH with the new school year next year.
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