Should I Invite Myself/Family For Shabbat?

amother ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 1:40 am

I am moving into a direction to want to keep more mitzvot, more chesed, etc. My husband is not pleased with this as he doesnt want to have to do anything more than what is minimally required. So much so, to the point where he thinks that simple mitzvot are chumra's or being too machmir/makpid and he wont do them. He doesnt use a cup to wash. He doesnt say brachot on food except on shabbat, he will say hamotzi and keep shabbat, but I have to beg him to say bircat hamazon. there are many examples of this.
anyways, we were at a wedding where a really amazing rabbi, that was my teacher over 10 years ago, who invited us for shabbat, but we live in a diffferent city. he has a very large family but also invites many people over for shabbat meals, every meal.

this rabbi inspired me to become religious in the first place. he was the first real Torah Jew that I have ever met.
my question is this, because I really want my husband to have more yirat/ahavat shamayim, I am so desperate, would it be real chutzpadic of me to ask them to host us, or find us somewhere to stay so that we could eat by them for the meals? we have 3 kids ranging in ages from 10 to 2.

How would I go about asking? I am desperate and embarrassed but feel this could really inspire him. Also, we have never as a couple, after 10+ years of being married, eaten with a rabbi.

yogajew

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 2:47 am

He already invited you for Shabbat, so now you just have to work out the details. It's not chutzpadik!

Call or email the Rabbi or Rebbetzin and explain that you were really grateful for the invitation. Then say something like the following:

amother wrote:

this rabbi inspired me to become religious in the first place. he was the first real Torah Jew that I have ever met.
my question is this, because I really want my husband to have more yirat/ahavat shamayim, I am so desperate, would it be real chutzpadic of me to ask them to host us, or find us somewhere to stay so that we could eat by them for the meals? we have 3 kids ranging in ages from 10 to 2.
.

obviously change to the appropriate pronouns though Smile

I'm sure that he will be very flattered and happy to help.

↑ Inspired ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 2:55 am

"Hi Rabbi/rebbetzin, it was so nice seing you at the wedding, it reminded me of what a great inspiration you were in me becoming religious. Thank you so much for the shabbos invitation, it came at such an opportune time, me and dh could both use some inspiration right now (go in to detail here...) It would be really great if you could have us on ___ shabbos"
Really, if the rabbi is involved in kiruv and invited you he means it! Its not just a social bull thing like "we should get together sometime".

Call them!

ChossidMom ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 3:00 am

I say "go for it".

I also say you are welcome to come to my house for Shabbos. I guarantee you a stupendous time and my kids will LOVE IT. I have 5 kids ages 13, 11, 8, 5 and 3.

PM me if you're interested.

Good food and great company. Ask around on the Life in Israel forum LOL

shalhevet

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 3:12 am

For sure. There is a saying that people don't die from hunger, but they die from shame. A person who doesn't have food for himself or his children HAS to ask for help.

And that is physical food. You are not asking for an invitation because you are too lazy to cook, or you feel like a vacation. You are asking because you desperately need spiritual nourishment. Hashem made you meet up with this rav again to give you an opportunity to get it. I would say it is your responsibility to yourself and your family to go there. Who knows? Maybe building up a relationship with this rav and his family will change your husband slowly? Or be a good influence on your children?

Call and ask which week is convenient, and bring a nice gift. But go.

mummy-bh

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 3:18 am

shalhevet wrote:

agree. go for it!

Marion

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 4:18 am

I'm with CM, in that the poster is in Israel. If she had been "mekareved" by a Rav almost anywhere else she'd be writing mitzvot, chumros, and ahavas/yiras shamayim, instead of the Israeli/Sephardi pronunciation.

OP, you're also welcome to come to me. Only 2 kids, aged almost 3 and 1. I promise it will be interesting!

↑ amother ↓

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:20 am

thank you all for your replies!! its given me chizuk to just bite the bullet and go through with it.
I have compiled what I will say using a mixture of yogajew's and inspired's messages.

seriously thank you also for your invitations. its already hard enough for me to muster up the courage to call the rabbi. I will definately think about it. we only spent one shabbat outside our home since we've been married.

so far, no one answered their phone. I will try again in a little bit, and let you know what happens.

btw, we are really blessed to be living in israel. we live north of tel aviv (I dont want to give up my identity.)

btMOMtoFFBs

Wed, Dec 03 2008, 6:37 am

OP, glad you got the courage to call. I hope it works out for you.

As a side thought about your husband, I was thinking that taking on the external actions like making brachos and washing with a cup sometimes has to start with an internal feeling of why these actions are important.

Is it possible worry less about the actions and focus more on helping him develop a personal love of Torah and desire to do Mitzvos first.

I would maybe start there with your husband. You could share inspiring thoughts and stories with him in a way like " I just wanted to share something with you that totally inspired me". KWIM.

The kiruv rav that you're talking about might be able to give you some really good guidance in this area.

Hatzlacha and hope you do get away together for Shabbos.

↑ amother

Thu, Jan 22 2009, 3:15 pm

op here:
I wanted to tell you that we are finally going for shabbat. I havent actually spoken to the rebetzin, just to their daughter, but hopefully it will help us get closer.
im a little nervous... but will let you know how it goes.