What can I do for this Neshama?? please help!

normama

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 10:46 am

I work in a hospital and have on occaision met a wonderful girl. she's in her early 30's from a frum, BT lubavitch family. after being turned off to judaism by some dumb "rabbi" while in high school, she is presently married to a wonderful presbetarian man.
I have met her because she has a rare and debilitating disease that has made her unable to walk, as her legs have atrophied, unable to eat, she eats through a tube, unable to use her hands, they just stopped working one day, and soon, unable to breath on her own.
through all this she is upbeat, though in a witty, sarcastic way. each time I see her she's like, " oh yeah! you're that frum girl. I can always spot a shaitel." and we play jewish geography,and she talks about how she misses shabbos...
but today right before a procedure, while under anesthesia, she reached out to me and asked me to say Shema with her. it was all I could do to hold back my tears. so I did...
she's still in the hospital. what can I do for her?
she has her husband staying with her, I could go visit at lunch...
this poor girl. you see her Neshama crying out... she's like, "do you think G-d is punishing me with all this?"
but is there something I could bring her? get her? any ideas.

ShakleeMom

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 10:57 am

Do you live in a place that has a really cool Chabad rebbitzin? Like, a funky, sweet lady? Have her come visit this gal and feed her chicken soup through the tube. Let them take over, just stay the cool lady from the hospital, while arranging everything from behind the scenes, I think.

boruchhashem

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:16 am

ShakleeMom wrote:

feeding chicken soup from through the tube? lady, she won't feel the taste, and it might not work, (if u have any idea what the tube looks like, and the purpose of it).

cookielady

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:18 am

boruchhashem wrote:

ShakleeMom wrote:

feeding chicken soup from through the tube? lady, she won't feel the taste, and it might not work, (if u have any idea what the tube looks like, and the purpose of it).

BH for those that don't know about these things.

boruchhashem

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:26 am

cookielady wrote:

boruchhashem wrote:

ShakleeMom wrote:

feeding chicken soup from through the tube? lady, she won't feel the taste, and it might not work, (if u have any idea what the tube looks like, and the purpose of it).

BH for those that don't know about these things.

you bet.

zaq

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:28 am

I think you did exactly what she wanted you to do, IOW say Shma with her. Visiting and letting her know you're davening for her is pretty much the best thing you can do. As to theological questions like is G-d punishing her, tell her the truth, which is you have no idea, but G-d reaches out to those who reach out to Him.

I'd ask her dh what, if anything, you can bring. When a person is that sick, conventional hospital gifts may not only not be of value but may actually be harmful--flowers come to mind. My b"h limited experience with seriously sick people who are hospitalized for a long time is that they don't usually want gifts, they want company.

DefyGravity

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:34 am

I think that visiting her and talking to her is the most important thing. Along the lines of the menorah, maybe you can also get electric shabbos candles so she can have them in her room on shabbos. Maybe she'd also appreciate some chanukah decorations in her room.

normama

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 11:47 am

thanks everybody! I think I'll try to visit her. and I'll see if the shabbos candle ladies can bring her some (there is a group of ladies who do this in the hospital). I might try the lubab rebitzin, one does come to mind, but we'll see.
thanks again!

avigailmiriam

Wed, Dec 10 2008, 12:08 pm

I'm chronically ill, and I've spent a lot of time, since I was a child, in and out of doctor's office's being helpful. Here's what I've found best.

-It get incredibly, incredibly lonely. I mean, really. I'm a solitary person, but the loneliness will kill you. My sisters would come and read to me and, really, it was the best thing in the world to hear another human voice.

-Hospital linnens are often scratchy and unpleasant. Can you bring her a nice quilt or pillow?