mirror, mirror on the wall

mummy-bh

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 3:38 pm

Whenever I show my twins (22 months k'h) their own reflection, each one will shout the name of her twin, never her own name. They do this when they are both looking in the mirror together, and also when the other is not even in the same room.
They do the same with photographs, too. I recently showed each of them a picture of the two of them with two other of their sisters; they both called the other's name twice as well as naming their sisters.

I should mention that whilst they are genetically 'identical', people who know them don't really have a problem telling them apart.

Anyone have any comments or similar experiences?

Raisin

Mon, Jan 05 2009, 3:46 pm

I'm teaching twin girls this year, for the life of me I can not tell them apart. They told me their father also mixes them up sometimes. They keep changing the place that they sit too! I feel really bad when I call one by the wrong name, I hope I am not giving them a complex.

I'm tempted to buy them initial necklaces so I can figure it out by that.

mummy-bh

Thu, Jan 08 2009, 3:44 pm

Ok, So I was talking about this with a friend who has boy/girl twins. She said that the mirror thing is happening because twins have no clear cut sense of identity the way singletons do; their whole being is a part of each other.

To the same end, when I give one of them something (eg a cracker) and she then asks me for another one to give to her twin, she's not asking for her sister in the same way that other kids do - she's asking for the other part of herself.

Having twins is an education....... (and just a little bit freaky!!)

greenfire

Thu, Jan 08 2009, 7:53 pm

lol I knew twins that answered to either name ...

interestingly enough I know sisters who cannot stand their identity stolen by a non-twin lookalike ... go figure Banging head

your girlies do sound cute Lady

momofmultiples

Tue, Mar 03 2009, 12:45 am

my twins do the same thing - when my dd looks at a picture with the two of them on it she will always yell her brothers name...

I find it really cute.. especially as she kisses it too.

sped

Sun, Mar 08 2009, 12:04 pm

I am writing as a teacher (early childhood) - not a parent. I worked with twins with this issue a few yearsa go and we also realized that their identity was so interetwined that they didn't have a sense of self. Since there were other issues involves, we had had a really fantastic (not too fuzzy-feely type)psychologist on staff look in on them and she identified the issue. She felt that this could lead to serious issues later on (and even now) and that it's important to deal with ASAP! Her first suggestion was to stop dressing them alike, and to be sure to give them individual 1:1 time without the other being in the room with them. We spent time focusing on their own body awareness... We tried to give them different things and treat them differently. B"H, it really worked and we saw nice changes in so many ways in both the boys. They really began to show their own personalities.
I may be being alarmist, but for their future it could be really important for them to have their own identities...

mummy-bh

Sun, Mar 08 2009, 12:24 pm

Thanks for your input, Sped.

Even after a couple of months on, they still seem to be unaware of individual identities. I must admit it hadn't really occurred to me that it could be a problem.

Some of the issues you mentioned are pertinent, but others are not. I dress them the same, about half the time (I have clothes from my older girls and I'm a big believer in hand-me-downs!).

They have very different personalities and I really don't think that we as a family treat them the same at all. I do try to give them one on one time, but inevitably this is only about five (or sometimes less) minutes a day, due to other time constraints.

How do I focus on their own body awareness?

sped

Sun, Mar 08 2009, 2:09 pm

One thing you can try is playing in front of the mirror with one at a time, going through their body. You can rub lotion or use a soft wshcloth.... We sang to the boys - "here is X's hand, hand " and so on, with an emphasis on who they are.We gave each child about 10 minutes like this.