Where did my sweet daughter go?

Amarante

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 2:35 pm

I agree that professional evaluations are a necessary tool when behavior is outside of the norm but the behavior described by the OP seems to be normal adolescent/pre-adolescent behavior. There is nothing that would lead someone to think there was anything other than normal behavior patterns that would indicate the girl is experiencing serious adjustment disorders or has had some kind of traumatic experience.

There aren't enough shrinks in the world if every surly teenager is sent for professional treatment :-)

amother

Yellow

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 3:34 pm

Quote:

There aren't enough shrinks in the world if every surly teenager is sent for professional treatment

I'm not saying treatment - I'm saying evaluation.

Sometimes all a worried mother needs is some validation and maybe a few suggestions for techniques.

In the case of my DD above, it took a LOT to get my DH on board. He thought she was just being a teenager. She was NOT.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 6:42 pm

thunderstorm wrote:

I acted this way when I was 11 but I was going through a hard time. My DS acted like this at age 12 but he was going through a hard time. It could be something as silly as a teacher ticking her off. I panicked when my DS turned into a "different person". Baruch HaShem he got over what was bothering him and he is back to himself. Yes , it's normal for an 11 yr old girl to be sensitive and moody but not to turn into a stranger overnight.
I would try to see if there is anything bothering her. But I do believe it's a passing phase. It's really difficult on the people living around her but it is part of what happens with tweens.
I found this article very helpful and consoling when I read it. I realized my child's behavior was normal.

https://www.verywellfamily.com.....17892

I really look forward to reading this article. Thank you for sharing. I really appreciate all the responses. This is all helping me shift into a different necessary mindset that I have to be really intentional about.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 6:54 pm

Amarante wrote:

I am curious as to why you would think the opinions of women on the internet who don't know your daughter are more valid than your husband who is not only a specialist in pediatric mental health but has been intimately acquainted with her behavior since she was born.

Hi Amarente, this is not an accurate description of my thoughts at all! When my husband said he believes her behavior is within the realm of normal, I was very relieved that she is not showing red flags according to him. That being said, her diagnosis of "normal teen behavior" still isnt something that I know how to deal with at all, and leaves me still feeling pretty helpless. He suggested the book How to speak so your kids will listen (or something like that) and its on its way to me as we speak via Amazon. My next step was to reach out to you ladies for advice on learning all I can about this lovely Normal Teen Behavior. So my husband and Imamother are not mutually exclusive. Make sense?

Amarante wrote:

He assures you that it is normal behavior and for some reason you feel that he isn't correct. If he were NOT your husband and you had taken her for a diagnosis, would you also reject his opinion that it was completely normal?

Sorry but I never said he isnt correct and I never rejected his opinion either.

Amarante wrote:

I don't mean to be snarky but obviously it's normal adolescent - or more accurately - pre-adolescent behavior. If your daughter wasn't acting out in some manner, there would be something wrong with her development.

I think the pressure on young girls today is exponentially much more difficult than even 15 years ago because of the intense pressure and probably the behavioral acting out occurs at a younger age. And being obnoxious to siblings and parents is part of normal behavior as difficult as it is to live with because it is safe to be obnoxious to them. I would suspect that she is well manner (more or less) outside the home where it isn't safe to act out her anxieties.

If I remove your "obviously" comment (cause its not to me, she's my oldest), I will take the rest of your comment as encouragement. Thanks very much.

amother

Chartreuse

Tue, Aug 21 2018, 7:55 pm

amother wrote:

My HS daughter had some really crazy behavior, to the extent that we shlepped to Manhattan to a top psychiatrist. But as we were describing the various incidents and looking at a calendar, I said, HEY - PMS! Very very severe. But once she understood what it was she was able to work on getting enough sleep, eating healthy, and it got much better (though I could always tell).

The interesting thing is a few of her kids have been diagnosed with PANDAS. Not sure if there's any connection. Although onset of hormones could be sudden, I would definitely check for PANDAS.

REALLY interesting point. Thanks.