What would you have done?- stranger using your bathroom

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:11 am

I'm with you op. This is one chessed I would have a very hard time doing.
I've come to realize that the way I relate to my home is how others relate to their bedroom.
It feels violating to me.

Dumbledore

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:13 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

Why in the world not? Such an easy chessed.

Without two many details, I had a pregnant woman I had never met knock on my door practically jumping in pain and asked me if she could use my bathtub…. I said of course. (15 minutes later, she had a baby boy in my tub.)

Omg!!

amother

Crystal

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:16 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I'm with you op. This is one chessed I would have a very hard time doing.
I've come to realize that the way I relate to my home is how others relate to their bedroom.
It feels violating to me.

I do see how it could be uncomfortable, potentially; but if you were somewhere away from home, and you or your child desperately needed a bathroom, would you knock on someone’s door?

tweety1

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:17 am

Rabbit613 wrote:

A frum lady I would definitely let.
I actually did this. I was pregnant and desperate for the bathroom. I was actually mortified to ask but I had no other choice besides for having an accident or finding bushes.

This! I was in my ninth month on 13th ave. I desperately needed the bathroom. 3 stores I asked all 3 were "broken". I was very visibly in my 9th month. I was almost crying. It was torture.

amother

Calendula

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:23 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

🧐

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:23 am

Of course yes! A mom with young kids? No question. I have kidney problems but am always too embarrassed to ask and holding it can cause worse damage unfortunately. I’m so happy to hear she had the courage to ask.

amother

Razzmatazz

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:29 am

amother Crystal wrote:

I do see how it could be uncomfortable, potentially; but if you were somewhere away from home, and you or your child desperately needed a bathroom, would you knock on someone’s door?

I don't think so.
I take along pampers, water bottles, whatever is needed and always make sure bathroom stops are accounted for.
I wouldn't feel comfortable asking anyone knowing how much it might put them in a spot where they can't say no but they can't say yes.

There are many reasons that might prevent someone from feeling comfortable from even opening the door to their home forget about using their space whether practically, emotionally or a mental health reason.
I think those that have been there get it and those that haven't don't.

amother

Vermilion

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:35 am

tweety1 wrote:

This! I was in my ninth month on 13th ave. I desperately needed the bathroom. 3 stores I asked all 3 were "broken". I was very visibly in my 9th month. I was almost crying. It was torture.

When stores wouldn't let me use their bathroom, I went in to a fitting room and used a shopping bag.....

creditcards

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:39 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

I hear you. I definitely does make this mitzvah so much harder in your situation. But I'm thinking now. Let's say my bathroom would be broken and the only working bathroom is in my bedroom, I think I would offer to take the kid to my bedroom without the mom.

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:44 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

What if your child is out of diapers? Bathroom stops can’t always be accounted for. What if you are out for longer than you planned?
I live right across the street from a park that has a disgusting bathroom that’s not always open. It hasn’t happened so much in the last 2-3 years, but before that we had kids using the bathroom every shabbos. If it ever got too nasty (I think it happened once or twice) I would not allow for a few weeks, and would post the reason why on my neighborhood chat.
For those who are uncomfortable, can you explain why? I really want to understand.

DrMom

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:46 am

amother Razzmatazz wrote:

Was the bathroom for herself? If so, how would pampers help? Do you want her to wear adult diapers?

And perhaps in suburbia there are no bathroom stops (aside from bushes).

I understand that you don't want to let every random stranger into your home, but I just can't believe some of these answers.

amother

Zinnia

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:49 am

I always wondered this
I was shopping from OOT and am expecting bh. I tried not to drink at all so I wouldnt need to go, I went into 4 diff stores to ask to use the restroom and they al said no I felt like I was going to cry I almost peed myself... I squatted like an animal in the bushes (was very very secluded). I felt disgusting. I was too shy to ask someone to use their restroom, I saw a few frum ladies when I was running to find somewhere to go

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:49 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

I don’t have a clean house at any given moment. It can be super embarrassing for me to let a stranger in at any given moment. My bathrooms may be dirty too. First impressions last. I’d be very very humiliated.

Ema of 5

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:50 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

That’s really awful, I’m sorry :-(

creditcards

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:54 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

If you are really worried about first impressions? Her first impression of you would be that nice frum a lady helped her in am emergency, what an angel!

amother

Pear

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:55 am

Ema of 5 wrote:

I've had kids use my bathroom and they sprayed urine all over the room. Absolutely disgusting. One of my sons gets drops on the toilet when he goes but I've taught him to clean up after himself. I can't handle other people's kids sprinkling everywhere.

amother

Zinnia

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:56 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

I would think a frum woman would be even more embarassed to pee herself or pee in a diaper... but to each their own

amother

Sage

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:56 am

amother Zinnia wrote:

That's horrible. I used to work in a store where the management didn't want to let people use the bathroom because the employees complained that the bathrooms were always gross. I would make exceptions for pregnant women and kids who obviously would have had an accident otherwise. When they remodeled the store I convinced them to put in separate customer and employee bathrooms.

I think if I was in such a situation I would ask where the nearest shul is. Many shuls are open during the day or have the combination written somewhere in א-ב.

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, Aug 06 2023, 10:58 am

creditcards wrote:

If you are really worried about first impressions? Her first impression of you would be that nice frum a lady helped her in am emergency, what an angel!

Right so it’s either being humiliated by the mess or feeling awful to turn someone down. In my situation, it’s a lose lose. If I would let the person in I’d feel humiliated for weeks. I’d hope she didn’t tell anyone. I’d hope I’d never meet her again. I’m explaining why it can be extreme difficult for some!
Side point: My pet peeve is when people like you say “well I don’t care about your mess, it doesn’t bother me”. Guess what? It actually bothers ME that YOU see it. It’s humiliating for ME. Of course it doesn’t bother YOU.